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mjfromga
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15-07-2015, 09:52 AM

"Coming out" as gay or bisexual... thoughts?

Okay I keep seeing YouTube videos and this other stuff about gay people "coming out" as such. Mind you, I'm not a homophobe and I'm all in support of gay rights. I am simply struggling to understand the entire concept of "coming out".

I'd NEVER sit my family or friends down and dramatically tell them I'm gay. It's like, that's my own personal business and they kind of just... don't care. WHY is it necessary to air your personal business like that? They often cry and whine about things etc. and I'm just so confused by it.

Your sexuality isn't any of their business, why is it important to them to tell everyone out in the open? You wouldn't have to worry about being attacked by homophobes and everything else if you kept your private information private like normal people do.

If you're gay or bisexual - great! I simply don't care about your sexuality any more than I do the sexuality of a straight person, so I don't understand the dramatic videos, the fishing for sympathy, the unnecessary public announcements, etc.

If you want to be accepted for who you are, then BE who you are. If you're gay, people around you will be able to figure it out and deal with it if you stop hiding your actions JUST to tell them in words at some point. HUH? What's the point in that?

If you don't want to be judged for being gay, then don't give people a reason to judge you and keep your private life private. People ARE going to judge you once they know for sure. I have been judged before people knew me before for a reason that I can't hide, so it's something you have to learn to live with. These things work in turn.

I just don't get it and was wondering why people keep doing this. Several people here such as professional sports players did this for no reason, and now teams don't even want to be associated with them because of the drama. While it's not right, I understand the issue.

IMO, there's no reason to shout your sexuality to the world, and there are no benefits to doing so.
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Jackie
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15-07-2015, 10:06 AM
If I am reading you right, it's rather sad that your family " don't care about your personal business . I would never pry into my children's lives, but they do know I care very much about any aspect in their lives.....whether it's personal or not.

I would expect that even in today's world where you don't have to hide any sexual preference, for a lot of people it's still very traumatic to ' come out " to their family, maybe for a number of reasons, they may have been struggling with it themselves for a long time, and don't know how their family will take it. It takes courage to disclose a private aspect of your life to your loved ones, I think your comments show a complete lack of empathy to your fellow human beings, and not really sure why you would say what you have the way you have said it, there seems to be an undercurrent there for some reason.
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mjfromga
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15-07-2015, 10:19 AM
Thanks for the comment. I didn't mean they don't care, I meant it like I said... they don't care any more about it than they would if I were straight. You don't "come out" as straight, but that's just the point I was trying to make.

It taking a lot of courage is really a part of the issue that I have. Why do they feel the need to tell people? Why do something traumatic and upsetting? Why is it necessary? What good comes of it? All I usually see is a lot of crying and upset people and a lot of homophobes attacking the entire situation, which leads to people being even MORE upset.

I'm not even totally straight, but I don't see a reason for me to gather my family... sit them all down, and tell them that to their faces. It's like why? What does that accomplish? I'm fairly certain they already have a clue (people usually do) and there's absolutely no reason to do that.

I simply don't understand at all, and as a person who is almost into that category or WHATEVER... I'm only trying to understand why it's done.

If people find out or whatever, that's fine and if they asked me about it, I would be honest about it... but I'd never sit them down and tell them to their faces "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual". Why is that something that is necessary? It's your sexuality, YOURS... so I really don't understand.
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brenda1
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15-07-2015, 12:14 PM
I guess it makes the individual person feel better about themselves telling their friends and family incase something is said at an inappropriate moment.
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Rosebud77
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15-07-2015, 12:20 PM
Originally Posted by mjfromga View Post
Thanks for the comment. I didn't mean they don't care, I meant it like I said... they don't care any more about it than they would if I were straight. You don't "come out" as straight, but that's just the point I was trying to make.

It taking a lot of courage is really a part of the issue that I have. Why do they feel the need to tell people? Why do something traumatic and upsetting? Why is it necessary? What good comes of it? All I usually see is a lot of crying and upset people and a lot of homophobes attacking the entire situation, which leads to people being even MORE upset.

I'm not even totally straight, but I don't see a reason for me to gather my family... sit them all down, and tell them that to their faces. It's like why? What does that accomplish? I'm fairly certain they already have a clue (people usually do) and there's absolutely no reason to do that.

I simply don't understand at all, and as a person who is almost into that category or WHATEVER... I'm only trying to understand why it's done.

If people find out or whatever, that's fine and if they asked me about it, I would be honest about it... but I'd never sit them down and tell them to their faces "I'm gay" or "I'm bisexual". Why is that something that is necessary? It's your sexuality, YOURS... so I really don't understand.
You are totally right and it is good to read this from someone of your generation. Defeats me too. Sexuality is private. I just ignore them now and it does not help their " cause".. be happy with who YOU are Myra. That is what matters. If your life is dominated by sex then you have real problems. I have worked alongside folk I knew were gay but who never spoke of it and we have got on grand. And there have been those who as soon as they realised I am Christian went into attack mode. Life is what YOU put at the centre and no way should you inflict it on others like that. Here in Ireland we now have a Gay Teacher Group who intend to " come out" to their pupils! Makes me glad I am so old and will not be here much longer. But well spoken Myra; thank you
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Chris
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15-07-2015, 01:08 PM
Parents and friends are such a big part of our lives that I can understand why hiding sexual preferences can cause depression and other health issues in some so, therefore, 'coming out' can be a big stress reliever for some.

I can also understand why celebrities 'come out' publicly because, let's face it, if they don't, the gutter press will do it for them.

Other than that, it shouldn't be flaunted if it is ever to be accepted. Most folk don't and are as accepted as any other person
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tumbleweed
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15-07-2015, 01:41 PM
deleted by me as post may upset some
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mjfromga
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15-07-2015, 02:00 PM
Originally Posted by tumbleweed View Post
deleted by me as post may upset some
No, please post tumbleweed. My post may upset some but I'm trying to get an understanding. This is the debate and controversy section and as long as you don't make personal attacks which I know you won't, I REALLY want to see what you have to say.

Thanks for everyone else that posted. Again, I'm NOT a homophobe and I have NO problems with gay people or the LGBT community as a whole, I just don't truly understand this one aspect of the entire thing.

Good points Chris. I don't hide my sexual preferences, I simply don't verbally TELL everyone. To be honest... if you're truly a certain way... it's impossible to hide. People close to you and people who are around you a lot will usually notice.
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mjfromga
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15-07-2015, 02:12 PM
Originally Posted by Rosebud77 View Post
You are totally right and it is good to read this from someone of your generation. Defeats me too. Sexuality is private. I just ignore them now and it does not help their " cause".. be happy with who YOU are Myra. That is what matters. If your life is dominated by sex then you have real problems. I have worked alongside folk I knew were gay but who never spoke of it and we have got on grand. And there have been those who as soon as they realised I am Christian went into attack mode. Life is what YOU put at the centre and no way should you inflict it on others like that. Here in Ireland we now have a Gay Teacher Group who intend to " come out" to their pupils! Makes me glad I am so old and will not be here much longer. But well spoken Myra; thank you
My thoughts on the matter are very simple. Your sexual preferences are really not for everybody to know. They belong to you and your sexual partner(s) or whatever. If somebody randomly asked me if I was gay, whether I am or not... IMO the proper answer is "It isn't any of your business!".

I simply don't care one way or the other. Be however you like, but don't be dramatic for no apparent reason. That does irritate me, I must admit. Why are you crying? Why are you so upset? There's something really wrong if you're crying over something like this.

This may be offensive but when it comes to the entire issue... there is a fine line between equality and special treatment. Some of those people just seem like "Oh, woe is me, I'm so stressed out by not being treated equally and by being judged... please give me attention and feel sorry for me."

Really? Drawing attention to your sexuality ISN'T the way to be accepted as an equal. It's usually a way to single yourself out, put yourself on the spot, and reveal personal information about yourself that really nobody would have cared about had you not done that.

If I had a child and the child decided it was a good idea to "come out" and tell me he/she was gay in a dramatic sit down fashion, I'd simply say "Okay, that's cool". I didn't need for them to tell me that, didn't even really want to know, and it doesn't matter at all.
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Lynn
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15-07-2015, 02:13 PM
I think to tell family is probably a very important part of being gay and needing to tell them is vital. If they haven't already guessed and are prepared to accept it it means gay people whose families know and understand they can take boyfriends or girlfriends home without having to hide and always being asked the question when are you bringing a girlfriend boyfriend home...When are you settling down.
Being a parent we do ask these questions my boys are both straight and have partners but we like to know and meet their partners and accept them into our family and we hope if our boys had been gay we would of been able to show the exact same love well we know we would and accept their partners of the same sex into our home and lives. I am not saying it would not of been difficult at first it would of course.
As Chris says celebrities probably find it easier to get in the open before the gutter press do.

When we first married we lived a amongst a gay community in the flats where we lived oh my hey were wonderful people and knew how to have a good time. They were the first to help you if you needed it too.



To me you have to accept people for what they are none of have the right to sit in judgement.

I also think gay people are prod of their sexuality and why shouldn't they be ?
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