What do you see as Domestic Abuse

What do you consider to be Domestic Violence/Abuse?

When does it become more than a row or argument and turn into Domestic Abuse?

Is it just when it gets physical, such as hiitting, kicking, etc or is verbal abuse, destroying thing, etc still in your opinion Domestic Abuse?

I would really like as many opinions as possible.

I would also like to see if the womans opinions are different to the mens.

Thank you!
Thanks.

I think domestic abuse can be mental torture....obviously domestic violence is what it says.

I consider my friend is going through domestic abuse, being told she is worthless, not a good mom, being put down at every opportunatey, made to feel depressed.
Receiving phone calls every moment of the day accusing her of doing things that she isn't, and suffering her children saying stuff that they have heard in rows. Having stuff in house smashed up
Violence is hitting and punching and being dragged about etc etc.,
I had experience of this in my first marriage of 21 years....and it wasn't long till the mental torture turned to violence

I suffered domestic abuse for 10 years both physical violent and verbal.
I define it as using anyform of physical violence or threats of violence and any form of verbal degrading abuse that leaves you feeling scaredor in fear of your life, or that slowly takes away your self confidence leaving you feeling you are no good and its all your fault and you no longer strong enough to get out.
Sorry I am not very good with words so havn't described it too well. I know what I want to say in my head but can't put it into words.

Thankfully I have suffered neither.

To me it would be be being made to feel I was worthless and being made to do things against my will feeling frightened for myself and my childrens lives. The physical abuse would be the being made to do things you didn't want too and being used as a punch bag.

The mental abuse would be being called names, constantly being told you were wrong, stupid and worthless and arguing and putting you down at every turn.

To me men who do this or women who do this to men it does happen are nothing better than bullies.

I'd say what my ex put me through was abuse - threats on the sly to my friends to get them to drop contact (only found out after I finally kicked him out), constant attempts to make me doubt my own sanity and recollection of events, threats, mind games, lies and then contradicting lies so I never knew where the lines of reality were drawn... then gradually it turned more and more violent from there - to the point where I was having to let him cheat for fear of the repercussions (smashed up house and the like) and a couple of occasions where he threw me (and on one occasion the disabled cat) across the room and similar.

In the end he tried to cheat too many times and I kicked him out - to promptly get stalking phone calls, death threats, attempts to break into the house - it's why I ended up moving to where I did. He occasionally still tries now to add me on MSN under random names and the like - I take solace in the fact he a) can't drive, and b) is too intrinsically lazy to ever get down here - but I'm still fairly cautious about my privacy to this day because he's a terrifying (and evil) human being.

We did this in Sociology. It was a couple of years back so I can't remember, but not even half of domestic abuse cases are reported because police see it as an in home issue, not a crime and also because *some* women are too scared to leave their partners, and often feel they will change when really, a leopard cannot change it's spots, although with intense rehab it could be possible, but as men often feel they aren't doing anything wrong up until their spouses are dragging them onto the Jeremy Kyle show they don't want to change - or in Jezza Kyle's case, they only want to change so it boosts their ego (Oh look at him he's changed his life around - in't that brilliant - etc)

But there is also the vice versa, men don't report abuse by women, normally so they don't get humiliated and their ego bruised.

Domestic violence/abuse differs between couples IMO. But when it gets to the point that you are actually scared of your spouse then I think that is when it is time to say it's gone too far.

I've given Adie a black eye before - it was an accident, we were in a hotel and the quilts are really heavy, I pulled my side up and he lifted his head to see to the pillow - next morning he had a black eye and we went to visit his brother and I got some funny looks when he only said "Oh Aimee did it" not it was an accident and explain it, just I did it! Luckily I'm allowed to speak so I told my half of the story...

Youngstevie I would agree - I think your friend should go to the police. That is not acceptable at all, especially if kids are involved.

We understand Bev, you wrote it perfectly, What a horrible thing to go through.

I'm sorry to all of you who have suffered, what awful things you went through. I can't believe men still act like cavemen these days.

To me domestic abuse encompasses a whole range of behaviours including domestic violence.

Domestic abuse is contolling behaviour that is aimed at destroying someone it can be name calling, making someone feel worthless, placing someone in a state of fear (by threatening violence throwing things kicking doors punching walls etc) it can be gradually removing a person from their support network and family and friends, it can also include issuing threats to the partner about the safety of their own family friends or pets. It can also include silent or threatening phonecalls or stalking of the partner or the children. It can also include behaviours such as long term silent treatment, demanding behaviours and the likes - basically anything which abuses the relationship ot the partnership. And of course Domestic abuse also includes the domestic violence .

Domestic Biolence is IMO any physical attack on a partner or their children (to those who use smacking against children whilst I do not myself agree with this I would say that does not necessarily come under doestic violence) I do not think you actually have to fear for your life for it to be considered domestic violence although this is also clearly a part of domestic Violence as it escalates.

An argument is just that an argument, 2 adults should IMO never resort to any form of violence in a domestic setting to resolve an argument and the instigator of the violence is in my opinion the aggressor and the offender, eg. if my partner hit me in an argument the best thing I could do would be walk outthe door and never come back but if he repeatedly punched me or was holding me down and I hit out at him or retaliated I do not think that means I commited Domestic Violence I would say I had used reasonable force to remove me from the situation.

domestic abuse can be physical, mental or emotional , all boils down to the same thing

Domestic abuse is when one partner bullies the other.

this is a really good book to give women who are being abused - it will open their eyes -
Men Who Hate Women and the Women Who Love Them: When Love Hurts and You Don't Know Why by Susan Forward (Author)
It`s on Amazon