been let down again-long one sorry

my mum has let me down again im so disappointed before i carry on i just wantto point out this is the fourth time she has done this kind of thing , we have had to move a few times because she has run up such huge debts and she has had to sell the house before it was repossed twice and as i was growing up i had to grow up alot fo the time with no food or electricity because she couldnt deal with her money properly


the last time we moved the problem was so bad she couldnt get another morgage so we have moved to rented accomadation which was hard to find as we have a dog and not many people will let u rent with a dog, she had a large some of around 34grand left from house sale once debts were cleared so paid a years up front of rent - she has blown almost all of that plus her wages everymonth -shes been leaving beyond her means even though she knows that she has

all the problems started today she didnt have enough for rent (thats sorted now) and hasnt paid the electric, water, tv/cable or council tax bills for months and didnt tell me im pissed off because if she had told me i couldnt of helped her somehow but she has dropped it on me out the blue only when i interrigated her for information - im annoyed as well because i pay her enough rent to help out with everything and she has wasted my money on crap

last time the money was bad when we sold the las thouse my boss had to lend her £12k in morgage arrears to stop the roof being lost over our heads but i can task for help or an advance now as im leaving for anew job in two weeks and it was embrassing enough then

feel like im being conned by her (i know i sound harsh) and feel trapped because if i moved out she wouldbe even worse off and am mad that she cant look after her self at 48 yrs old and i always have to bail her out


i think she needs help like counselling for why she spends money the way she doesnt but she probably wont listen if i tell her that and to top it off she bought dvds and got taxis everywhere last week gggggggggggrrrrrrrr i need a hug but am not seein go/h till tomorrow --- what do i do? do i sell my shares worth about £1500 (which im saving cos i wanted to use them towards a deposit for a house) or do i leave her to sort it out ---i know its not fair to have a go but after being let down so many times how will i ever manage to make a life for myself if im always bailing her out i wanna cry

What a horrible situation to be in. I'm not sure what to advise really but do you want to spend the whole of your life bailing out your mum? Would it be possible for you to move into a place of your own so you are only responsible for yourself (you shouldn't really have to be responsible for your mum) and that may be enough of a jolt to make her rethink her life?
Big Hugs to you though.
Becky

Please don't sell your shares to bail her out. I may sound harsh too, but you are not the mum in this relationship, you shouldn't be having to bail her out of debts that she is getting herself into by living way over her earnings.
It's not as if you owe her a huge debt because she always made sure you were fed and warm when you were a kid (by the sounds of things). She needs a good kick up the butt and the shock of you leaving to stand on your own two feet with only your own outgoings to think about might be just the thing.
((((((( big hugs to you))))))
Take care.
x

I'm really Sorry your having troubles.
But to be blunt you can't keep getting your mum out of trouble,it's time she grew up and stopped been so selfish.

Don't sell you shares to bail her out again,seems she hasn't learn't a lesson and only when she stops been bailed out will she learn.

Sending hugs xx

I agree with everyone else... don't sell your shares!

Me and OH got into a similar situation with his mum a few years ago. We lived with her and ended up paying her mortgage as she couldn't afford it (we were both students and working several jobs at the time). We'd had the bailiffs round several times until we took over the mortgage payments.

She spent her money on useless stuff, and was shocked when we said that we were moving out. She wanted to know who was going to "help her".

We moved out to our own place, and she ended up selling her house to pay off some of her debts and spending the rest of the money on god knows what!

10 years later she's living in a rented house in a not-very-nice area. I can't help thinking that at 40-something she should have been able to manage her own money and not need help from her 19 year old son to pay the mortgage.

Yes she's your mum, but she's 48, not 18! You'll need all the money you can get to buy your own place. She shouldn't look to you to bail her out again.

Stick to your guns about this!

Oh how awful for you....... no please don't sell your shares they are your nest egg and they need to mean something not just an amount of money to drop into a black hole not of your making. i'm sorry i can't offer any other advice. (((((hugs))))).
Kitty xx

well she is never ever going to sort herself out if there is always a mug there to do it for her. Like you say she is 48, if she hasn't learnt to look after herself by now she never will. Move out now, get your own place, and change your phone number!!!

I agree dont sell your shares you need a life too. If I was you I would move out and let her get on with it. It sounds as if you have done your fair share of trying to help it is up to her now. While you keep helping her she will expect it and it will go on and on. Please look after yourself now you have tried your best. Lots of hugs from me.

Don't sell your shares - sometimes you have to be cruel to be kind. If you keep taking responsiblity for your mum and her debts she will never get the problem under control.

There is an organisation that will help people to manage their debts and show them how to keep their spending under control. I can 't think of it's name offhand but an internet search should come up with it.

It isn't an easy thing to not bail out someone you care for but by doing so you are actually making her face the reality that she has a problem and it isn't going to go away. She may have buried her head in the sand but at some point she is going to have to have a good look around and see what she is doing to her life and yours. Don't forget that a home address where there is a bad credit rating will make it nigh on impossible for anyone at that address to get credit so the sooner this problem is tackled the better it will be for the both of you.

What a difficult situation you jind yourself in through no fault of your own

I agree with everyone else keep your shares and move out I think it is time your mum grew up.But having said that I think when I got my own place I wouldn't help her financially because I don't think that will do her any favours but see if you can convince her to get some counselling for her problem.Maybe offer to go with her for support.
Stipulate you cannot afford to help her with money.
Hope things work out for you.