The ambulance came and took mum to the hospice this morning. I've only just got home. Although she's surrounded by carers she still wants me to be there plus she's worried about disturbing the busy nurses We're running a relay tomorrow, my brother visiting in the morning, I'm going into rhe office in the morning then going to the hospice in the afternoon, then my sister-in-law is coming in the evening so I can get home to be with Cain. I've booked my dog walker in for some extra days so I don't need to find time to walk Cain at least. Coming home to an empty house is not very nice Mum's not complaining but I can tell she doesn't want to be there. I think she's convinced she's been sent there to die. I'm hoping she'll take their offer of talking to the councillor, she is clearly battling emotions that she hasn't managed to address yet. I'm must admit there is some relief to have the evening to myself tonight. I didn't get any work done today, I looked at my work laptop but I just can't face it tonight so I've decided not to turn it on. Anything can wait until I get into the office tomorrow. I'm going to have a big glass of wine and try to switch off and stop stressing for five minutes...

Try not to worry, Amanda (easier said than done, I know). Mum will take a little while to adapt to her new surroundings, but you know she is being well looked after so she should settle in fairly quickly.

Taking a 'night off' tonight is an excellent idea. It will give you time to adapt too so that you can start to recharge those depleting batteries.

Mum will be home before you know it and when she is, you will be far more energised to cope.

Enjoy that wine, relax and have a snuggle with Cain. You deserve this time to unwind xx

I can't believe I have missed this

I am so sorry you are going through such a tough time - from all corners by the sounds of it And your poor mum - I can only imagine the anguish she must be suffering too.

Hopefully your mum will settle in soon and you will get some much needed rest and time to assess a few things.

As someone has already mentioned, perhaps when your mum's well-wishers ring up, ask them if there is anything practical they can do to help - even just to come and visit your mum and sit with her while you get some work done, or take Cain out.

Could your brother help with some of your mum's care when she is home?

Huge hugs to you. As the old saying goes "this too, will pass". In the meantime though you will need plenty of help and support xxx

I am so sorry to hear this Amanda. What a stressful situation to be in. If I lived nearer I would offer whatever practical help I could be of assistance with but as I don't be assured that you and your family are in my prayers at this difficult time.

I am glad your Mum has gone into the hospice. They are wonderful places. I used to love going every week, and I miss it now I cant!
The staff are friendly, and if she wants some company when you are not there, they do have plenty of volunteers.

Now you rest, have some Cain and you time, and *try* your best to chill out a little x

I am so sorry that you are going through all of this, MM

My mother had terminal cancer (skin cancer and breast cancer) and ended up in a hospice for the last 3 weeks of her life.

I will say that eveyone there was amazing. The nurses truly were angels. My dad stayed with her all of the day and my sis and I visited as often as we could.

It was a relief to know that her physical needs could be cared for. I wonder if your mum is very afraid of how she might eventually go? If it helps, my mother was on morphine at the end and simply slipped away after the nurses upped the dose... so basically she fell asleep.

I hope you don't mind me saying this, I hope you will find it comforting. Sending hugs and kind thoughts,

Wys
xx

Thanks all. My brother has only just managed to leave the hospice mum doesn't want to be alone, even surrounded by professionals, she only wants me and my brother. Problem is that she literally doesn't want to us to leave her at all. I'm sure she's scared that she'll die alone I think she's convinced herself that she could die any day now. Thing is, although she is very weak, all her vital organs are functioning and she's not contracted any secondary infections, I think it's unlikely that she will die suddenly right now. I think we will know when it's coming and can do our best to be there. It could potentially be months, as much as we want to be with her, we just can't be there 24/7 for the next few months. But it's heartbreaking to leave her, how can you say no?!

Thanks everyone. Thank you Wys, my mum's started as a rare form of skin cancer. The nurses have all been wonderful and everyone is working hard to make sure she's not in pain. She's just so scared though I feel helpless.

Once you are gone the staff can take over properly and your mum will hopefully start to calm down. She is probably just scared because she knows nobody there.
I am hoping by the end of her stay she will be looking forward to another short break there.
Do they have a day centre too, where your mum could go along and have her lunch with others there?, they usually have a pamper session too and it gives them a day out each week, the hospice collects them and brings them home and it gives you a break also. It will also help her to get familiar with the place and the people so she feels more comfortable being there if she goes in for a short break again..

Loads of hugs winging their way to you. I cannot say any more than all the other invaluable advice you have already had.

Whilst your mum is resting in the hospice, at least they will be able to get her medication sorted that she is the most comfortable.

I really feel for you. I went through exactly the same with my mum.

Take care of yourself and Cain. x x

Sorry I've missed this. I can't begin to imagine how hard this is on you. You've had so much stress and responsibility - I'm glad she's now being taken care of elsewhere for a respite for you and you can recharge slightly. My thoughts are with you and I'm sending 'chill out' thoughts to Cain