Some terribly sad stories here.

I had a perfect upbringing. I was spoilt, but always made to work for and appreciate everything I had. Everything was wonderful, love, hugs, kisses, praise and encouragement, until I discovered at the age of 14 that my Mum was having an affair and I had to tell me Dad.

He kicked her out, there were rows, tears, upset and it was the worst possible time and I have lived with the guilt ever since.

Dad re-married not long after. A much younger woman who fortunately today I am no close to, but who I spent my teenage years resenting. When I left home I never felt welcome in my family home because it finally became ''their'' home.

My Dad is VERY materialistic and a total snob. I guess I am in my own way but having done lots of work in South East Asia, fortunately I can also put things into perspective. He is though the single most caring, loving man I have ever known (well, apart from my brother and husband ;o)

I haven't spoken to my Mum since I was 16. Dad took her back and during a family holiday my brother and I walked back from the beach past a phonebox and heard her saying ''I love you and miss you so much. The kids are driving me mad, it's all ''Mummy we love having our family back''!'' We packed up that day, drove home and I only saw her again in court when at the age of 15 I had to say to the family court person (?) that I hated my Mum and wanted to live with my Dad. My 13 year old brother had to do the same.

When I have a child it will come first above everything else. I will love it, nurture it, provide for it and welcome it into my home for the rest of it's life. I will be it's Mummy and I just cannot wait to take on the role xx

My upbringing was similar to yours Akitagirl. I have three sisters and we were brought up in a lovely big house with a big garden in a very nice area of the Lake District. We never wonted for any material thing (although we didn't get all the fancy designer clothes and gadgets some of my friends had) - and I was never allowed a dog, which is all I wanted . My mum is an Irish Catholic though and was very strict (imo) and also very aware of what "the neighbours think" - whereas my dad is a typical Yorkshireman - very laidback and a big softie. When there was punishment to be given out, it was usually by my mum (yes we were hit ).

We were also never told we were loved, and in fact I remember distinctly saying it to my dad when I was about 12 or 13 years old and he just laughed at me (in a nice sort of way) and sent me back to bed I felt so embarrassed that I never said it again. I think he had felt embarrassed too.

We are a close family in some respects but then, in others, not at all. I couldn't go to my parents throughout my life with personal problems - but myself and my eldest sister are very close and we tend to support each other instead.

I feel slight hurt about the fact that I had a difficult time when I was pregnant and was rushed in twice and Ben was born prematurely due to my having a blood clot (we could both have died) but my parents never visited me in the hospital. Ben was in SCBU for two months and my dad only visited once (when my sister brought him up!). My mum never came at all. When I got married I decided I wanted a simple wedding, outdoors and up here in Scotland. My mum wanted me to be married in a church down in Cumbria. They pretended they weren't annoyed when I decided not to invite them (we just had two witnesses) but they still bring it up now in a snide way at times.

So, the upshot of it all is that there is never a day that passes that I don't cuddle my son and tell him how much I love him. I know I will be there for him no matter what and no matter where he is. I also want him to make his own choices in his life, and I want him to be able to come to me with any problems he might have.

I had a good upbringing I guess, we never had a huge amount of money but me and mum both had our horses and I competed for a long time untill my accident when I ruined my knee. But I worked at the stables for stuff for my horse, i didnt get anything for free! My dad didnt have anything to do with me till I was 2, he was very much on the scene but didnt make any effort with me till my mum was pregnant with my sister and he had too.

Me and my sister never ever got on and that was a huge issue in our house, we still dont get on and barely speak and I cant see it changing anytime soon. My parents.... well... where do i start. My mum has said to me that the only reason she is staying with my dad is that she cant afford to leave him.

He is in a band and the lead singer went through a divorce, she needed a friend to help her through... so my dad stepped up. Then when I was off school sick one day and my dad didnt know (he used to leave early for work, mum went to work at half 8 and came home at 2, he used to come home at half 9 and leave at 1- so i found out) I came downstairs to find them both on the dining room table ....

My dad paid me to keep quiet (i was 15 at the time!) extra pocket money and free acess to his wallet! At that age I didnt complain but it ruined our relationship forever, I used to be a proper daddys girl but after all the secrecy and lies he got fed up of paying me off and got heavy handed instead. Then me and mum started fighting , arguments every single day and I got very very depressed about it all. I finaly plucked up the courage to tell my dad as I thought someone needed to know at least, and he said nothing to me. Just looked at me and then we barely spoke for about 3 years. When i moved out and in with my current boyfriend things got a little better, me and mum get on great now and dad has lent me a bit of money to invest into my company so were all on speaking terms which is better than it used to be...


And ive just realised ive written an essay so im going to stop there lol

Reading through all these stories, it certainly proves to me that there is no such thing as a "normal" family!

My upbringing was good as far as I'm concerned despite having very few material things. My parents were always honest with us about why we couldn't go to Disneyland like our friends were or why we'd have to save up if we wanted the latest fashionable clothes. Some weeks it was a struggle for them to put food on the table, luxuries were out of the question. Because we knew there was no money we never asked for anything. My parents used to save up pennies in a jar so they could afford to give us a treat every few months. A trip to the cinema, going to the museum and having McDonalds after, a new game for the SNES or Playstation, nothing hugely expensive but things they otherwise couldn't afford. We earned our pocket money by doing small chores around the house. Sweeping the yard, washing and drying the dishes, vacuuming the living room, things like that.

My parents always made sure we knew we were loved. My mum would say to us when we were really being naughty "Even thought I love you I really don't like you right now" and it never made me feel unloved or unwanted. I had my backside smacked god knows how many times but it did me no real harm and in fact I preferred that to having my books and toys taken away for a few hours, at least once it was done it was done We were expected to behave in certain ways, taught to behave in the way that was expected and only once we knew the rules were we punished for breaking them. I never argued with my parents the way a lot of my friends did, I never even DREAMED of raising a hand to my mum like they did! We had our disagreements but I grew up respecting my parents and love them both very much.

I don't have children at the moment but I plan to bring them up in a similar way to how I was brought up. Hopefully we'll have a bit more money than my parents had though. I don't want them stuck indoors in front of the tv or computer all day like some kids I know are either.

My mum had depression when I was born, and couldnt bond with me.. therefore I lived with my 'adoptive granny' next door.
My brother was born when I was 18 months old, but instead of me going back home and living with my parents and little brother, my mum didnt really want me back, so I stayed with my granny.

I had 'visits' from my mum and the odd days out, but nothing much. I would pack a little overnight bag when I stayed the night at my parents house.

When I was 4 years old my granny died, so I moved back with my parents, my granny left me all my ornate bedroom furniature and my teddy bears, to make my room mine!

My mum didnt really bond with me, my dad had a heart attack a couple months after my granny died. I lived at home permentantly then because my dad was forced to retire, so I became very close to him.

Mums suffered from depression a bit while I was younger, and was definatly alot fonder of my brother than of me.
Dont mean for that to sound horrible, its not like 'mummy likes brother more than me, poor me blah blah.' lol

I was treated alot different to my brother, he was quite spoilt!
I was a tom boy and very out going, he was very shy and clingy to mum.

eg. if we went to the seaside, I would be running around on the beach throwing sticks into the sea, while brother, mum and dad would be walking on the path above the beach.

Anyway, now iv moved out, got my own home with my fiance and getting married in March.

Im alot closer to my mum now, we get on so much better.

My brother is still living with my parents, and still sits on mums knee!! at 19 years old...yes strange!

I think my upbringing has made me determined to NEVER treat my children any different, everything will be fair. and I will make sure they know how much I love them, and have loads of fun with them

x

Really interesting to hear everyones stories. Thanks for sharing. Amazing how they are all quite different in some way or another.

I often find myself pondering things like this and wondering just how many people are determined to change things for the better for their own kids or, sadly, carrying on with the same kind of upbringing they themselves had if it was a bad one.

As far as I'm concerned, you can learn from the past and choose to do things differently for the better and become a stronger person for it.

Suppose I'd better tell you a bit about my background then....

My mother is a twin - they are completely different individuals. As far as my grandparents are concerned, they were treated exactly the same.

My mother went off the rails a bit and got pregnant (with me) at 16 and had me 13 days after her 17th birthday.

As I gew up, I was surrounded by drugs and alcohol and as a consequence to that suffered physical and emotional abuse from her. God knows how she managed to keep jobs going.

When I was really young, about 3 I think, my mother caught my father in bed with another woman. When I was about 4 or 5 (not sure exactly) my father b*ggered off down south and I haven't seen him since - that was around 22 years ago now. Up until I was about 7 or 8ish, he used to write and phone very ocassionally - usually drunk and in the pub. I soon got fed up with it and refused to speak to him. Haven't heard from him since, though he used to send birthday and Christmas cards with around £30 - £50 in them, that stopped a few years ago now. Not that I took the money, I didn't, I gave it to charity or bought cat and dog food with it and hadned it in to the local rescue centre. I never once used the money for myself. I didn't want it. Other than that, he didn't contribute a penny to my upbringing.

I didn't see much of my grandparents when I was growing up - went to stay with them the odd weekend - partly because she wouldn't let me and partly because I didn't want them to know what was going on as I was embarrassed and scared. So they weren't really aware until I was about 13 and, even then, they didn't know the half of it.

She seemed to have numerous partners and I've since found out she'd had at least one abortion. She wasn't going to let another child ruin her life apparently and that's why she done it. God knows who the father was.

When I was 13 I ran out the house to go to my grandparents. She got the Police involved to bring me back again, even though I did not want to go and told them that. Cue another beating and verbal abuse. There were many of them over the years.

Eventually, she gave in and let me stay with my grandparents, her parents, but she harrassed me no end and eventually I left and went to stay with my father's parents, who I am with now. None of us are in touch with my father, as far as I'm aware. I'm certainly not and don't want to be.

When I turned 18, she was rather annoyed that she had no real control over me. Well, legally anyway. She still got to me emotionally though and this went on for a few years. She was quiet for a while, then started again. I got several phone numbers blocked including the latest number. I do not want anything more to do with her.

I wished my grandparents had tried to get custody or something but, as I said, they didn't know the half of it and they have since said they looked in to it, but risked me going in to care. Sometimes I wish I had, but then I wouldn't have the brilliant grandparents that I do now, I have to think of it like that.

Through school I was fairly quiet, I kept my head down so as nobody would suspect anything and passed all my exams in secondary school.

Anyway, I'm rambling!

I'm not sure if I want children. I was dead set against the idea but I'm slowly thinking that it might not be such a bad idea afterall, although I'm not 100% convinced yet! I certainly don't want any at the moment!

As I said previously, what didn't kill me has made me a stronger person in many ways, but not in every way. However, I am damned sure that if I did ever have any children, then they would be brought up a whole lot better than I was - they would be loved and never told they were not wanted. I would never physically or emotionally harm them like I was; I would want them to feel loved, happy and content and not constantly upset, worried and fearful the way I seemed to always be.

Wow, this a bit like therapy!

Interesting thread.

I was sexually and emotionally abused by my Father. The sexual abuse stopped when I was about 8 ( I ws too old for him then) but the emotional abuse continued, well it does to this day.

I have an older sister but we are not at all close, haven't spoken to her in about 10 years. I have a wonderful Mother whom I know loves me dearly, there is a part of me that wishes she had left my Father but I know that is easier said than done. He is very controlling and has a way o making you feel next to useless. Growing up I was told I was bad, rubbish, stupid etc 'why can't you be more like your sister?' who was perfect!

We never had much money but that didn't bother me. But when I was about 18/19 my parents circumstances changed and they started being able to afford lots of stuff and then they would just throw money at me! Guess it was their way of making things up to me?

This may sound very perverse but I am thankful, in a way, for the abuse I suffered because if I hadn't I wouldn't be the person I am today (ok so I do have several mental health issues) I think I am a fantastic Mother, not a day goes by when I don't tell my 3 how wonderful and fab they are and that I love them very much. Where my Father totally destroyed my personality and confidence, I now boost my childrens all the time.

When people come from abusive backgrounds, the weak let the circle continue on to their children and the strong make damn sure the cirle gets broken................I am one of the strong ones