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Vicki
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16-10-2011, 09:04 AM
Hmmmmm..... sounds like a bit of a commitment-phobe, mentioning it because he thinks it makes you happy, then backing off because he's too scared to do it.

I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms NOT to mention it again.

Another thing that worries me is his reluctance to compromise..... not a good thing at any time in a relationship... but something I would expect to see at the beginning.

Is this guy definitely the one for you, hon?

x0x
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terrier69
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16-10-2011, 09:20 AM
I'm with Vicki on this one.
Also, it seems he gets your hopes up about something he thinks you want to hear, when actually he's getting the road prepared for asking you to do what he wants anyway.

You carry on as you are, keep your independence as it is, don't give up stuff for him. If he wants to move in let him do the work and him start the process rather than mentioning it and then changing his mind.

My man moved in here a while back, it was his idea, which I was fine with....and he did then start to panic so I had to remind him that it was his decision. We're now fine, it is a big thing but does need commitment.
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Magpyex
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16-10-2011, 04:27 PM
Originally Posted by Vicki View Post
Hmmmmm..... sounds like a bit of a commitment-phobe, mentioning it because he thinks it makes you happy, then backing off because he's too scared to do it.

I'd be telling him in no uncertain terms NOT to mention it again.

Another thing that worries me is his reluctance to compromise..... not a good thing at any time in a relationship... but something I would expect to see at the beginning.

Is this guy definitely the one for you, hon?

x0x
I do think he's the one for me, this thread is probably making him seem a lot worse than he actually is! In reality he's a wonderful guy and we're essentially the perfect match but lately he has been being a bit of a pain for this sort of thing.

I think you're right in thinking that he mentions it because he thinks it makes me happy and then realises he's not ready. I've tried explaining to him that I don't want him to talk about it if he's not ready but it doesn't seem to go through to him

I do agree about the compromising thing.. That is the thing that worries me because I think a relationship is doomed if you can't compromise. But then again, he has compromised a lot for me recently so he's shown he's capable of it.. I wonder if perhaps he's not quite ready to grow up and is still acting the child a bit?

Originally Posted by wishbone View Post
I'm with Vicki on this one.
Also, it seems he gets your hopes up about something he thinks you want to hear, when actually he's getting the road prepared for asking you to do what he wants anyway.

You carry on as you are, keep your independence as it is, don't give up stuff for him. If he wants to move in let him do the work and him start the process rather than mentioning it and then changing his mind.

My man moved in here a while back, it was his idea, which I was fine with....and he did then start to panic so I had to remind him that it was his decision. We're now fine, it is a big thing but does need commitment.
Thanks for the advice I think you're right, I shall just let him do the work and decide when he's ready and until then I'll just keep doing what I want. At the end of the day, I'm only 18/19 so I'm not in any rush to move in together just yet.

And yes, I think guys have a tendency to think 'Yes, this is a great idea!' and then panic once they've done it it's sweet that you were able to calm your guy down though! Sometimes they just need someone to tell them they're being daft, I think
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terrier69
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16-10-2011, 06:07 PM
Originally Posted by Magpyex View Post
Thanks for the advice I think you're right, I shall just let him do the work and decide when he's ready and until then I'll just keep doing what I want. At the end of the day, I'm only 18/19 so I'm not in any rush to move in together just yet.

And yes, I think guys have a tendency to think 'Yes, this is a great idea!' and then panic once they've done it it's sweet that you were able to calm your guy down though! Sometimes they just need someone to tell them they're being daft, I think
Yes, and they don't change, my guy will be 51 in 2 weeks time and they still have daft moments
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Magpyex
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16-10-2011, 06:36 PM
Originally Posted by wishbone View Post
Yes, and they don't change, my guy will be 51 in 2 weeks time and they still have daft moments
Oh gosh, there's no hope!
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terrier69
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16-10-2011, 07:15 PM
Originally Posted by Magpyex View Post
Oh gosh, there's no hope!
Lol and the sooner you learn that the better
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Magpyex
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16-10-2011, 08:41 PM
Originally Posted by wishbone View Post
Lol and the sooner you learn that the better
I'm resigning myself to a life of dealing with daft moments from this point forward
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