I lived in the shadow of my elder sister all my life and we are only now getting into a comfortable relationship.

Her and I are totally different. She is a model and a perfect size 12. She speaks "nicely". I'm lardy with a cockney accent.

It was always "why can't you speak nicely like Irene", "why can't you be slim like Irene".

Still, my dad was a sweetie, and the one who finally stopped the beatings when I was hurt so badly I couldn't attend school, and he finally got to see what mum was doing.

Honestly, parents have an awful lot to answer for.

Hugs honey xxx

Ummmm living in someone shadow can effect you I know.

I used to call myself secondhand Rose Mom used to take Ann shopping on a Saturday I would be at my Nans farm, I would get home on the evening to Ann parading around the kitchen, Mom saying give us a twirl, with an approving look, always followed by ...right I will get Mrs ....(sorry a polish woman who name I can not spell) to alter these for you

Of course I couldn't have new for the following reasons....Ann is older she needs new stuff.......you never look after anything.......Im not made of money blame your Dad for not earning enough
Thankfully HER shoes never fitted me....so they were all my own

I often think I should write a book about my childhood

It seems it's easier said than done to walk away from your parents no matter how badly they treat you. My brothers girlfriend is treated like s**t by hers, thrown out to walk the streets with a newborn baby, constantly put down and all sorts, her own family have turned on her and battered her at times. They didn't even turn up when she went into premature labour, they went to Blackpool to get smashed instead! Yet she can't just walk away. It's her mum and deep down she wants her mums approval, wants her mum to care about her.

I'm sorry your mum is hurting you I can't really give any advice but my opinion is that she's not worth the pain. I only know you from on here but you seem like a lovely person and I'm sure other people in your life appreciate you and love you. Hugs to you and I hope the situation gets better for you.

My kids Dad and his parents cut themselves out of their lives about 8 years ago. I have always said to my kids that just because someone is a Dad, Grandparent etc, that does not give them the right to treat them badly or make them feel inferior. Family means nothing unless there is love, respect and compassion. We have an extended family, which includes dear friends that we have made over the years.

Steph you are a wonderful person and anyone who doesn't see that is not worthy of your time. Love and hugs xxxxxxxxx

I can see where your brothers GF is coming from, I have walked away before, but always seem to walk back right into it all again...leaving myself in the past wondering why and licking my wounds. Its the rejection, feeling a failure and wanting the approval that makes you keep trying only to set yourself up for another fall Funny I can talk to the foster children about their feelings of rejection, but find it sooooo hard to deal with mine
Thank you Claire xxx yes we always seem to want what we can not get and yes everyone tells me ''your strong'' including my family.
Mom rang me a couple of weeks back moaning about things ...LOL one being how much money she has to pay Ann.... when I said ''I wish someone would pay me money for doing nothing.....she replied..''Yes but you don't need help your big enough and ugly enough to sort yourself out'' I answered ''you think so Im not'' to which I got ''well you should be!!! Ann has suffered with not having children and having to manage on a pension now (she was getting annoyed by now) and anyway she has alot of stress you know doing all the jobs Malcolm won't do.

Please bear in mind folks....Ann has a large detached bungalow,in a gorgeous small village, with a very large land scaped garden, a gardener, fields at the back with Donkeys in, does church crafts and flower arrangements and Malcolm and her have sunday lunch at the pub with fellow villagers, has holidays in the peak district, has her dog groom and cut every 6 weeks, has NO mortgage, a seven seater car for two of them) cooks only the best chicken for the dog, goes to the hairdressers every 6 weeks, has had new doors in the bungalow, new bathroom suite, new kitchen floor brought over from Germany, new windows, a new conservatory, a newly laid driveway, new garage doors.....yes Id be stressed too

Well it seems to me that your sister is clear proof that money doesn't buy you happiness and no matter how much she spends she's never going to be as happy as you are. You don't need their approval and tbh they are probably jealous of you and the fact you know what makes you happy and they clearly don't, they're the losers no matter how you look at it.

Would you want them in your life if they were not relatives?

I found it helpful with one 'friend' to write and say that I thought our relationship had run its course and wish her luck in the future. It was a weight lifted because the decision was in writing and felt right.

It may work for you.

As for your boys, it must hurt so much for them to be rejected as well but maybe they need to work that out for themselves. They know you love and want them and that is important.

rune

Awww Steph sometimes we just cannot live up to the the brothers or sisters that are seemingly in our parent/s eyes the better ones. I have given up this time around with the younger of my two brothers he can have mum and all her troubles which he has opted to do this time around and she most politely put I didn't want you here I want Paul. Fair enough after all the years of running round behind you I will sit back and take a rest from it all he will soon be wanting rid of all the bother and frustration that comes out of these incidents she has.

I go to see her and I ring the hospital and enquire after her and thats it its hard its new to me I have always been the one doing everything but I must say I am enjoying not having all the stress.

The thing is you have so much you have good friends, you have Pat you have a life that probably rankles both your sister and your mum. Most of all like I can you can stand tall and know you have and still do love your children and you have a big enough heart to take in another that needs love and guidance. I am sorry to say I went through an awful change too never once did I beat my boys or make their lives a misery it wasn't their fault. Your mum had no excuses. Maybe I am out of place saying this but she hid behind her problems and blamed and picked on you.

You have ten fold what your mum and sister have and they see it and don't like it and know you are good person and they are not. Jealousy is a terrible thing it is eating away at those two I am sure. They are smarting from your success and happiness.

I am sat here thinking my childhood sounds all too familiar, except I am the older one.

I grew up in a house where violence and drink were very much 'normal'. My dad had and has always made me feel like anything I do/did/want to do just isn't good enough. The fact he stole my inheritance money from me since I was 12 when my mum died says it all, but my brother will get his share when he turns 18 years old. Thankfully I still have a relationship with my little brother but there is 6 years between us, and due to his learning difficulties there is more like 7-8 years between us. Due to this he doesn't fully understand what has gone on. However, he did say he wanted to come live with us once he finishes school because he hates living at home because of my dad.

I left home when I was 16, best thing I ever did. Not spoken to my dad in a few years either He doesn't even recognise my voice anymore, within 3 months of leaving home deleted my number. If it wasn't for my horse and my OH I not sure I would still be here.

Sometimes these things happen for a reason, and even though some these events aren't always pleasant I would not change how things panned out because I know I wouldn't be as happy as I am today (even if I have been landed with a £600 vet bill for my poorly horse!)

Oh money doesn't we have said that about her, all it makes is 'her greed' for more, she is a bitter person but has it to a perfected art where she has the capability of making things sound like a 'drama' of course they only ended up with their ''average bungalow, in their average village, because Malcolm couldn't find another job in the whole of Birmingham after being made redundant 12 years ago........so they had to moved as that was the only place that he could find a job...........in a huge beautiful garden centre and of course that left her lonely so Mom moved there too and if you believed that you would believe anything....nothing to do with the 4 bank accounts that ANN is looking after in Moms interest
Honestly Rune..........NO. I wouldn't of picked Ann as a sister or Mom as a mother, the boys ignore Ann and Malcolm as their Nan being 90 they feel that they owe it to keep that part of their lives open, I wouldn't want any other way either, they are grown men and free to do as they wish. Both have said though that if Ann has such venom about the will, they will go without too
I know what Mom's problem was/is. She (when younger) had the idyllic dream of being like Dads sister and brother..'one child' all growing up together of near the same age, they had many holidays as a group, having caravans etc., Mom coming from a huge family this was her ideal family unit....then along came me, and I spoilt those Sunday outings and holiday, Dad used to go to theirs on a Sunday without her...taking Ann with him, so I ended up having most of my childhood at my Nans on the farm......TBH those are my treasured memories See even then they couldn't beat me as I adored my Nan, the farm, the animals etc etc., which my Mom and sister didn't
Funny when you ask the questions I asked how many people have suffered the same. I was on the streets of London and returned to Birmingham almost 2 years had passed I went to their house...my house where I was brought up....knocked the door my Dad came to open it and was and both at the same time.............Mom said, we've got company tell her to go away so I did, only when her 1st ever grandson came did she so desperately want to build bridges....I should of said the same to her all those years back instead of putting myself right back to where I started