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magpye
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26-01-2009, 12:14 AM

Thikipedia - Breed descriptions for Dummies

Moved out of the hijacked thread

It has been brought to my attention that many people keep meeting people on the field, in the streets and at shows who have clearly brought their dogs, or gained their knowledge of dog breeds based entirely on some other sort of breed description than the one we commonly know. For the sake of description and in reference to that popular series of help manuals, I will refer to these people as 'Dummies'

In order to gather this Dummies view I have decided to compile 'Thikipedia for dogs'. Simply look up, or request your dogs breed and Thikipedia will give you the breed description commonly held by Dummies everywhere.

I hope you will find this resource helpful in understanding the dummies point of view, particularly when they phone for one of your puppies 'cos they has seed them in a filim' or 'cos they is well 'ard'.
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magpye
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26-01-2009, 12:16 AM
THIKIPEDIA - DOGS EDITION

Huskys - Adorable blue eyed snow dogs, look great lying in well furnished ikea styled houses, require little to no exercise or grooming.

Chihuahuas - More or less an interactive toy, requires no exercise at all and only candy and cookies to eat. Dress them up and play with your friends. Never aggressive or territorial.

Greyhounds and lurchers - Need loads and loads of exercise. Bred to run all day and all night with no rest. Eat like small ponys and kill all small animals especially small dogs if they aren't muzzled.Lurchers are just greyhounds for gypsies and travelling folk, also known as Dags, or Dags on a string.

Rottweilers - Demonic baby killers these make really good dogs if you want to look well 'ard or to 'set on your mates'. Beware though it is only a matter of time before their demonic nature will force them to kill.

Staffordshire Bull Terriers - The American Pitbull for the more law abiding. These savage fighting dogs will make you look as well 'ard as the rottweiller, but take up less room. They are addictive though, you can't have just one, so why not leave them unneutered and breed them with your friends and neighbours dogs.

American Pitbull - The breed of choice for those wanting to look proper hard. Obviously there are laws that need to be broken to own one, but don't let that stop you. Perfect dogs for being left in the yard with no execise or training. No bad could possibly come of that.

Poodle - These prissy dogs hate the water and mud and love to keep themselves clean. Their fur naturally grows into attractive ball shapes and requires no grooming at all.

Border Collie - Proper Border collies are black and white. Other colours are available, but are not considered 'proper'. These quiet and calm dogs come as pups trained to a series of whistles. When not moving to the subtle commands of their owners they enter a 'dormant' mode, quietly on standby waiting for the next bout of exercise.
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Vodka Vixen
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26-01-2009, 07:45 AM
Oh go on then lets hear it for the peis
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Skyesmum
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26-01-2009, 09:42 AM


Excellent thread


Jann
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terrier69
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26-01-2009, 09:53 AM
Oh that's brilliant!......esp the poodles and their 'attractive ball shapes'

Can I add.....

Jack Russell Terriers
- All of them are snappy little ankle biters apart from that HMV dog of course, oh and that little dog in Frasier..... and sometimes you get ones that are born with tails!

*Both those comments have been made when people/idiots have met Tonto*
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ClaireandDaisy
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26-01-2009, 10:50 AM
Weimaraners elegant fashion accessories that go beautifully with the Hummer. Have wonderful slim lines when young but need to be swapped for new one every year as they get a bit flabby. Don`t need excercise.

Springer Spaniels: As above, but child-sized, so very good for tying to school gates and leaving in the 4x4 at County Shows.
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colliemagic
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26-01-2009, 10:53 AM
Brilliant. Love the Border Collie one!! So true - not!!
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magpye
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26-01-2009, 11:32 AM
Shar-Peis - Adorable little wrinkle puppys. Stunning little dogs, your friends will be so excited when you show them the pictures. Be warned though this little wrinkle puppy only lives about 1 year, then like a caterpillar turns into a butterfly, the Shar-pei turns into monster dog, people will stop you on the street and ask you what it is, why not pop this monster into the yard for protection and get another Shar-pei?

Springer Spaniel (Full entry) These dogs are self cleaning, perfect for a family on the go. The amazing Springer coat means that Mud and water just shed off them, like ducks, simply lock the dog in the utility room or garage until clean. Springers can of course handle an amazing variety of temperatures, from 100 degree heat in the back of your 4x4 to Sub zero conditions of your garage in the winter. Perfect family dog for the lazy towney who wants to look all 'country'.

Weimeraner additional point; Most Weimeraners are born with short half tails, full tailed dogs are probably some sort of cross or genetic throwback.

Jack-Russell additional point; Jack russells require little to no exercise and come in two varieties scruffy and tidy. Tidy Russells are easier to train and often appear on television. Scruffy russells are dangerous and unruly characters. There is no way of telling when you buy the puppy which of these you will get.
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magpye
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26-01-2009, 11:39 AM
German Shepherd Dogs(long coat) - Also known and 'Alsatians'(short coat) or 'Police dogs'(either coat). These dogs come with an in built guarding and protection drive that makes them perfect for home security. Just pop them as puppys into your yard tethered to a heavy metal chain. Soon they will grow into a big aggressive dog ready to guard your home or protect your family. They are still perfect family dogs, so when your kids want a playmate, just unchain the dog and let the toddlers ride it poke it and pull on it. In the rare event that one of these guarding/family dogs does snap at your child just take them along to any animal shelter who will be more than happy to take them off your hands and turn them into instant police or army dogs.
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ClaireandDaisy
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26-01-2009, 11:45 AM
Originally Posted by magpye View Post
German Shepherd Dogs(long coat) - Also known and 'Alsatians'(short coat) or 'Police dogs'(either coat).
footnote: no training required.
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