Sorry you are going through this when you should be enjoying being pregnant. Your husband baby and yourself are your priority now, not in that order

Would love to know the name

Thank you heehee about the priority, i think that's what he'd like to think too, but he knows otherwise xxx

'Rowan' for our little boy

You`ll be fine. You`re a grown woman with your own family. Nothing changes your priorities as much as having children. It puts everything else in perspective. I like the sound of your OH. Sounds like a good man.

(((Hugs))). Going through similar myself but for different reasons my mum is a good deal older than your mum and I am of course a lot older than you, I know how you are feeling.

I am not going back so often I will still pop in I feel I have too my mum is old and disabled but I am sticking up for myself more this time and one more reference to the problem we are having I will be throwing the towel in and staying away which is such a shame that her life will end on this kind of split. It will be a choice she will of forced on me and that is sad.

So I agree with the others do what is best for you as a family not your parents. You have a whole new life ahead of you and your family must now be your priority remember this was your mums choice not yours.

Gorden was saying some mums cannot get past feeling their children are an extension of themselves so feel you should be doing and feeling what she is doing and feeling and of course we can't we are our own people and must live accordingly to how we feel about life in general.

I love the baby's name.

Thanks claire xxx Just being pregnant has already changed a few perspectives if I'm honest, so definately.

It'll be interesting to see if i turn out like my bl**dy mother with my kids, oh god, i really am going to try everyway not to be like her!

I read your thread Lynn when you posted it, and i did feel incredibly sad for you, but admired how you're coping and have the right attitude towards it, even in her old age something she can make you feel very guilty about, i feel totally incapable, clueless in comparison to you. Very true what Gorden says too, very true!

I've always been the 'good one' in her eyes, always did what she said, even said what she wanted to hear - that extension of herself. My sister was more of a rebel, never had any qualms about doing what she has wanted, they've obviously argued more, fallen out a lot, but at least my sister doesn't have that hold over her.

I wouldn't go.... if you feel you need an 'excuse' of why you're not going, use your pregnancy...

If you are getting horribly stressed out by just thinking of it all, then being there on the day, and being worried about what might be said/done etc face-to-face, is going to be even more stressful.

Stay at home!

This is emotional blackmail & I personally wouldn't go, but invite them over when the baby is born. You just don't need any added stress when you are pregnant.

My mother was very controlling she demanded that i be a bridesmaid at my brother's wedding otherwise she wouldn't go ! My SIL had already asked me & as I would have had to wear a"frock"& I had a dog show on the same day I declined ! I don't do frocks or weddings(funerals or baptisms come to that) My brother was happy that I wasn't going to be bridesmaid as it meant they didn't have to ask any of my SIL nephews/nieces etc & they could just have her best friend as matron of honour. My mother in the end backed down & went. She used to bring it up everytime she got annoyed with me or I refused to bend to her will for the rest of her life. Did it bother me ? Nope

Take care & BTW even though I don't"do"children I love the name Rowan

Mum may just be trying to build bridges. If you don't go, you'll never know. If you do go and things don't go well, you can always walk away. Nothing to lose as far as I can see and perhaps a lot to gain

Well I am going o go against the grain and say go, the thing is , you only have one family, and I would ask myself if I dont take this olive branch, will I be able to take one in the future.

You never know, it might be genuine and it's your parents way of making amends.. it might not , but unless you go , you will never know.

You nan who tells you she does not want to go, is going, so maybe take a leaf out of her book, if she is going with the flow, then maybe you can too.

As for you hubby not going, well sorry, but in my book, I would expect him to back me up, and if I was going I would hope he could put his anger to one side support me and come along...

You dont have to stay long, make an excuse , the dogs are on their own, but maybe if you show your face, it may be the opening you need.

Only you can decide, if you want to mend bridges, family means evrything to me, so I know what I would do, you have to make your own mind up.

Thanks brierley and jackbox, i can totally see your point.

My sister says similar, doesnt blame me not wanting to go but thinks its an opportunity, and that her and her fella will be there to support me if it all goes wrong.. i just spoke to my hubby and told him i'm having these doubts and he says he feels guilty and like he's twisted my arm and he tried so hard not to for so long but did, admittedly get a bit angry about the whole thing.

I'll have a think xx