Any mums out there please help me :-(

Please, please, please can you tell me if I'm being unreasonable or what to do, or why my mum is doing this. Be honest, I won't argue or dispute anything!

Me and my partner were meant to be getting married June this year - a week ago got a phonecall from the venue, it's gone bankrupt so the wedding is cancelled. I got my father's deposit back, no money lost there, phew. My parents were paying for it - £5000.

Since, been trying to find venues in our budget, hardly any left, or not 'us' went to look at one at the weekend, would have had to narrow my guests down by 20 and I've already sent out save the dates so a hard task. There is limited registrars available too making it harder.

So me and Paul had a long, hard chat, and decided we are so desperate to get married this year (he's 35 this year, I'm 28 ) so decided that we are going to have the ceremony at Gretna Green, take the dogs on a mini break up in Scotland, then a 'wedding party' back home near my parents on the same original date, just hire a hall and have a buffet.

WELL - My mum has gone MAD! She is basically emotionally blackmailing me, "you've broken your father's heart, you know he's tired, all a father wants is to give his daughters hand away in marriage...I'm so upset I can't talk, what has happened to you(?!)" - she texted me.

Bullsh*t. SHE wants the wedding, she wants to show off, invite all her friends, my Dad wants what's best for me, he always has done. I spoke to him about it last night on the phone when I broke the news (mum was out).

So I replied to mum's text along the lines of "Mum i know you really wanted the wedding. Please don't try to turn this around, I really find that unforgivable. I love Dad so much, he means everything to me I cry when I think about how much I love him, and I know actually that what is important to him is for his daughter to have a wonderful husband. I've never seen Dad so stressed and tired as at the weekend...I believe things happen for a reason."


My mum doesn't work, my Dad has been sick with stress and tiredness. I honestly believe he is relieved (spoke to him last night) but worried about mums reaction.


Arrrrgggghhhh?!!!!! Why is she doing this? It's our day, poor Paul hates weddings, only agreed because it was what I wanted, he can't tell me how relieved he is that the big wedding's fallen through bless him.

Was I out of order texting her that? Isn't SHE out of order?

She hasn't been in touch since

I'd want whatever made my daughter happy.

rune

Its your day and you should do what you want. Your dad has confirmed that he's happy with your choice so go for it. Im sure your mum will come round soon. Like you say, she's disapointed she wont get the day she wanted. But its about you and your OH so stand firm on this one.

Why doesn't my mum?

That's all my Dad wants too Rune.

Why is my mum being like this though?! She has always been controlling, is that what it is? Hence why I live a hundred miles away from her. We lost a baby last year and she told me "Don't you DARE get pregnant over the wedding date" ?! I was grieving, desperate to try again to replace my lost child.

Thank you xxx I'm hoping she'll just come round herself, I'm definately standing firm now, next time it will be easier and get easier and easier to do hopefully. I was livid today, and so upset, right in the middle of work, couldn't she have least waited till this evening and ring?!


Wait till she hears about my sister (there's just the 2 of us) - she wants to get married with elephants in Goa, has done for years, just never dares tell my mum.....and still hasn't

Maybe you both need to take a step back and consider what`s important here.
A wedding isn`t a party. It`s the start of two people`s lives together.
The most important thing is that the bride and groom will be able to look on it as a rite of passage. And to declare their love to each other.
You can do that in a tent. Cut the apron strings.
If your mother wants a big party, suggest she and your dad plan a big anniversary bash.

I do not want to offend but I do feel that your mum is OOO, at the moment. Hopefully she will think about it and come to the decision that it is your 'most important day' and your decision on what you do on that day. My heart goes out to you as I know what it is like to be in such a situation.

I would also want what made you happy, sounds a lovely way to get married. I hope she warms to the idea soon. We need pics tho!!! xx

Oh dear a difficult one. Firstly I agree its your day.

I will say mums have this knack of getting their own way by putting poor dad in the firing line. I know this through personal experience not over my wedding but many other things that have happened over the years.

I always vowed I would not be like that and I think I have achieved it. I do not have daughters though and weddings to deal with but like to think if I did I would respect their wishes.

I think you have done the right thing for you and Paul and besides I don't expect you wanted this to happen anymore than your mum did but it has and you are making the best of a bad situation. Maybe you need to tell her that in a nice way.

We had a local hall and a buffet after our wedding wasn't really the thing to have venues in the 70's and it was a smashing evening and a great party in fact it was so good that for many years we always hired the hall once a year for a big get together and a party.

Give your mum time I am sure she will come round.

Aw thank you xxx I think it sounds lovely and romantic too, and more 'us'. Everyone in real life (LOL) has said the same, and that it's 'our' day so...*two fingers up at mum*.

Do you know what's worse, you probably know our Zeke has had cancer and it's likely to return 6-12 months time, I've been dreading the arrangements for leaving him on the wedding day and night with someone else - that will be the 6 month mark. This new way we get to take the dogs with us, Zeke is my absolute everything. How can she be so heartless