Test for Downs Syndrome

I was on the phone to my friend who is pregnant last night and I really 'upset her' I didn't mean to, I was just giving an opinion.

Basically it was about the test offered to pregnant women around 16 weeks to check if their unborn baby has downs syndrome or other illnesses. I just said that there is no way that I would have the test as the results wouldn't make a difference to me, I would still go ahead and have the child.

She immediately told me that she didn't appreciate my opinion and was going for the test, as she couldn't bring up a severley disabled child and I shouldn't judge others!

This shocked me, tbh I felt really disgusted with her! We have both worked with children/adults with disabilities before, so we have both seen the happy, fulfilling lives these people lead, and the fact that they wouldn't harm a fly. To ME, my OPINION it's heartbreaking that some people may not want to bring a child into this world because they might be disabled, to me a disabled child is just a special child, and when you make the decision to become parents you will put everything into being good parents no matter the problems your child has!

I didn't say anymore on the subject but she text me later saying that I had upset her.

Was I out of order giving her my opinion so outright? I didn't say what SHE should do, just what I will do when the time comes...?

I'm with her tbh.

I prob wouldnt have lead the way in that conversation with a pregnant woman,

if she had brought it up I prob still wouldnt have got to deep into it,

its just not worth it, as you have found out.

I would agree - and certainly would not condemn anyone for making that choice.

I have seen some happy families - and some that have been torn apart.

Hi Lucie each to their own I guess.

My daughter in law refused the tests, I believe one of the tests involves amniocentesis which caries the risk of a miscarriage. It was decided the test was pointless because the baby would be loved and wanted whatever the outcome.

I am so proud of my DIL for making this decision. She now has beautiful (and perfect) 10 week old twins

In my opinion why would you want to bring a disabled child into the world if you have the choice not to ? I think its responsible to have the tests imo, i had them they are not intrusive, the amniocenticis test is only advised if you are at high risk, risk is based on the neuchal fold test which is the test for Downs and that is done via ultrasound scan routinely.

How would you feel if you had a child that had no quality of life whatsoever, like a vegetable ? why would you inflict that on a human being ?

I understand what you are saying about Downs children but its personal choice and some people feel they couldn't cope so that their business.

BTW when i "you" i mean in a general context not you personally. Also your friend is extremely hormonal right now so it probably hit a bit harder than maybe it normally would so a possibly a bit of tact would be in order. Of course you are entitled to your opinion but its probably not the best time to air it !

Have to agree with the others , I am with her on this.

You cant tell others what they should and should not be able to cope with.

Working with disabled children and being the parent of one are two separate things.

Don't get me wrong, both of my fathers sisters had DS children, and my next door but one neighbour has a young girl , who is a lovely girl, but I do think its an individual choice to make.

I think something as personal as this, is not something others should tell you what you should and should not do.

Personally, if you value this friendship, I would apologise and try to make emends. she will already be anxious with the forthcoming tests.. and to be told she is doing wrong by a friend will upset her even more.

I was offered the test when I was pregnant with Ben as I am a more mature mother (I was 35). I decided not to have it, as I was worried about the risk of miscarriage.

However, I must say that I can completely understand your friend's decision to have the test, as bringing up a disabled child is certainly not a decision to be taken lightly and also not something everyone could do.

But that's just it, i wasnt telling her that she shouldn't have it at all, i wouldn't dare, each to their own, PLUS i have never been in the situation so don't even know what I would do if it really came to it!

I just spoke MY opinion on it, as she said the doctor was being forceful about it, ie: persuading her to have it, and she then asked what did i think about the tests! Then kicked off at my reply as she obviously knew she wanted it!

Tbh we're close friends and we share opinions everyday on matters, we disagree too, i know her well and i certainly wouldnt have said the same thing to a near stranger! It's a VERY sensitive matter of course.

I WAS also shocked by her response, but didn't comment on that-nothing to do with me, i can't judge other like that, as like i say, we are close friends and i thought i knew her better than that.

I haven't got back to her yet

She has got raging hormones..... Maybe i'll be more sensitiove with her, she's the most bolshy, outspoken, direct person on the planet and usually this wouldn't have been a big deal! We're always debating about things!

i didn't, i would never do that! I just spoke my opinion on the matter when she asked