Should I say what I feel ?

Where to start
Very long story but basically my brother and sister in law are very difficult and fractious with their 2 yr old child, by which I mean they are so controlling and anal about everything to do with him that it interferes with everyday life.
( he must be out down to nap at midday - he must be fed his dinner at 5pm on the dot, he must be in bed y 7pm etc etc) They like everything their way and dont like to be told anything at all by anybody.

They asked my mum and dad to babysit at their house overnight this weekend from 3pm saturday until 1pm sunday. They stay a good hour away from where my mum and dad live.

Now with mothers day on sunday my mum wants to be able to visit with her own mum, my aunties and me as we planned a girlie get together for the afternoon which we are having to bring forward to lunchtime to suit everyone.

So my mum asked my brother if they could come and pick up little one for 3pm saturday let him stay at my mums house overnight and my dad would drive him back for his nap for 1pm the next day. Thus not affecting my brother and sister in laws plans in the slightest. ( as they are going away for the night not actually coming home to their own house until next day)

They have now gone ballistic at my mum and dad for changing the plans and are now saying just to forget about babysitting and not bother, as its really rude of my mum and dad to change the plans !!!

Now is it me or are they being completely over the top and inreasonable ???

My mum and dad are really upset but dont want to back down as then my mum wont get a chance to see her mum etc and have our girlie lunch.

I want to phone my brother and pretty much give him what for for treating our parents in this way but not sure I should interfere even although I think that they are being ridiculous and overreacting over nothing - it doesnt affect their plans in anyway and they are getting completely worked up because I personally feel that they are not in control and need to be in control all the time.

I really feel for the poor wee boy who is being used as a pawn by his parents against my mum and dad.

I could totally understand if my parents did something to warrant this type of treatment ( such as being heavy smokers and refusing not to smoke in front of boy or whatever) but they are fantastic granny and grandad who adore their grandkids and are fab with them both so really failing to see where my brother has such a problem/

Sorry to go on, but am so angry at my brother for upsetting my mum and dad so much.

should I speak to my brother ?? or not interfere?

oh thats a hard one, but if it were me I would have to say something,

thanks shona, I feel I have to but I think with my pregnancy hormones I might end up severely falling out with him, as its the tip of the iceberg really as to what they are like. They constantly make my mum and dad jump through hoops to see their son and its like they are punishing them and I have no idea why they would do this.

Its so upsetting for my mum and dad as they have a completely different relationship with their other grandson than they do with L - and its just not right !

I guess it depends on your relationship with your brother.

With two of my brothers I could tell them when I thought they were out of order & they might get a bit stroppy, but would listen and probably take it in. With the third one, I would say something if I thought it was bad enough, but I wouldn't expect to him to be reasonable about it - I'd just want to make him think.

I think the main thing is to make sure your Mum knows that it isn't her fault and that it is just your brother/his wife being unreasonable.

I don't know, I would with my family but I don't know what kind of relationship you all have, you know? I agree that I can't see why they have a problem - as you say, they won't even be around anyway and it's still his Grandparents who will have him.

Did they say why they have a problem with him staying there? Has the boy stayed with the Grandparents on other occasions? Have they had any issues then?

yes you cannot tell my brother anything -he is right everyone else is wrong, and he doesnt listen and will just fall out with me, however I am at the stage of not caring as he needs a serious kick up the ass as he is such an idiot sometimes.

My mum totally knows its them and I have been mega supportive, its totally not my mum and dads fault and they do know that but they are being held to ransom to then see their grandson !

I agree,

I'm sorry for your mum and her girlie plans. I think if it were me, I would tell your brother in no uncertain terms that I was very happy to have the little boy but it would be in my terms and at my house, as stated. That's the offer, take it or leave it.

Is there any jealousy that your mum is planning on having fun with all you ladies? Is the sister-in-law invited?

Tough one, my brother does similar things and everyone is expected to bend over backwards for him. If they want to ruin their weekend let them get on with it. What would your mum think of you saying something? I finally cracked and had to say something to my brother and we no longer speak. This has made life difficult for the rest of my family but enough was enough. Think very carefully about the knock on effects. I don't regret what I did as it needed doing but I can't say I am happy with the concequences. Good luck.

Phew where to start.

He has stayed once before, my brother and sister in law came through to edinburgh to have a meal, left wee one with my mum and dad who put him to bed etc and they came back to theirs and stayed in guestroom - so wee one didnt know they were there - so yes has stayed previously.

They have previously accused my mum of deliberately oversalting a meal she made for wee one, and going against their wishes!! ( she made a lamb casserole with a stock cube- gave it to them for wee ones dinner trying to be helpful( also gave me some for luca ( it was totally fine) - 3 months later my brother brought it up and said they thought it was terrible my mum had gone against their wishes of adding salt to things by making such a salty meal for their child and they had put it straight in the bin!! )
It was neither oversalted or tasted salty - it didnt have added salt just a normal stock cube in it

They like controlling everything and just dont want to loosen the reins even the slightest bit.