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mjfromga
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17-07-2015, 09:55 AM
Originally Posted by Lynn View Post
Myra now you are attacking Jackie. If you take the time sometimes to read what you write and how you write it it does get people's backs up sometimes. We do not all agree with each other and will not change our point of view to appease you.
Sometimes you have to let things go and agree to disagree.
We all have different opinions about this and how families support each other also we are as nations poles apart in our ways of thinking.
Did you expect to get a big gay community under 50 on Dogsey ? The majority of us are in out latter years and have children and even Grandchildren.

For your information I have until recently had far more to worry about than Dillon's problems which have arisen. This next jolt is another kick for me while picking myself up from many awful moments over the last 3 years.
Your comment of if that's all I have to worry about I should count myself lucky is highly offensive.
Never assume people's lives are perfect or their problems are lesser than yours. It makes an ass out of you and me.

I think it would be best if this thread is now left to die a natural death it is stirring up bad feeling and I can assure you I take no delight in having to keep defending myself so end of conversation for me.
Okay I'm not expecting people to change their point of view. I know that things don't work like that. I knew who I was asking when I asked the question. I only wanted people's views here on the subject. I'm aware that this site is mostly people over 50 who are straight and married. I've been an active member here for a million years.

I'm ALSO aware that sometimes the way I write things offends people (because people here tend to tell me). It isn't intentional but I am going to write things in the way that I am used to. Guess what? Sometimes the way others write things offends me, too!

As for me saying you are lucky, no ma'am... that isn't what I said. I said that IF your only worries were the ones you mentioned yesterday, then I envy you. I don't know you and I don't know about your problems, which is why I made the statement like that. You mentioned the issue and told me that "frankly you have more worrying things" so how was I to know you meant other things? I wasn't to know that.

Your comment of having no time for me was "highly offensive" but instead of saying that it was "highly offensive" I decided to defend it at the point of attack, which is why I get told I'm attacking people when really in my eyes it is a defense. It's all how you look at it.

The difference between me and many people here is that I don't tell people their comments were "highly offensive" and to "re-read how they said things" as if I'm expecting an apology, I merely respond to them in a way I see fit. if that's "attacking", okay then so be it.

I am going to let this thread die now, but I wasn't going to be misquoted or stepped on without a defense. Never have, never will.
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Lynn
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17-07-2015, 09:56 AM
Exactly Meg what I was saying at the beginning of this thread about how gay people suffered back in the day.
I too hope eventually it will become the norm.
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Lynn
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17-07-2015, 09:57 AM
Fair enough Myra.
You do need to sometimes maybe re-read what you write before hitting the send button, you cannot make the statements you sometimes make and then not expect a response of people defending themselves against the way things are written about or too them.
Please do not call me ma'm I find that offensive. I had no need to tell a long story about my problems you should just accept that if people say they are finding things difficult or like I did yesterday have some worrying news accept it and move on not keep digging and trying to prove a point that then makes people defensive and it gets personal.
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mjfromga
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17-07-2015, 11:59 AM
Who said I didn't expect responses? We can't always like the responses we get. I do not mind arguing, either. That should be fairly obvious. I had a feeling this would get a tad touchy, because of the subject matter, but I posted it here because this is the section for that.

I realize that I come off as rude more often than I like, but I am careful with how I word things and I mean what I say so there's no real way for me to correct my statements. Maybe I'm simply a rude person, or perhaps there is something else.

That being said, perhaps I need to check myself from time to time, but perhaps others do, as well. Calling you a name I often use to refer to my elders in general offends you, as well. I can't win for losing. Apologies for that, I didn't know it offended you.

not keep digging and trying to prove a point that then makes people defensive and it gets personal
IMO, not what I was doing at all, but if that's what you saw, then that's what you saw. When people make things personal, that is when it gets personal. When people who do not know each other make things personal, that is when it gets plain silly.
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Crysania
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17-07-2015, 05:38 PM
I haven't read all the posts...just adding that first...

People "come out" because it is assumed they are straight if they don't tell people they're not. And it is not just about sex. It's also about love and who you're involved with. How many of us have proudly brought a boyfriend or girlfriend to meet mom and dad? How many parents have asked their daughter about boys she might like or son about girls he might like? It's DIFFERENT for people who are gay. They've grown up with these assumptions around them and sometime they're going to have to sit mom and dad down and say "Hey look...I'm attracted to the same gender." Because the alternative is to either never tell them, never introduce them to the person you love. Or just show up to dinner one day with "Here's my boyfriend!"

People "come out" because they have been hiding a part of themselves by pretending to be straight. Straight people don't have to do that. We don't HAVE to pretend to be anything but what everyone assumes we are.
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Crysania
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17-07-2015, 05:46 PM
Originally Posted by mjfromga View Post
Trouble said, I believe, that if her kids had announced this to her for no reason, she may have told them there was no reason to do that. That's my point. Your family should love you exactly the same whether you tell them or not, whether you're gay or straight. Them knowing by means of your announcing it is just unnecessary to me.
The family SHOULD. But many families do not. And many gay people grow up with families who condemn homosexuality, knowing all the while that they are gay.

And I don't get this "why should it matter" thing. People announce they're going to have a baby to their families too. Maybe that's not their business either? I mean, why should the family know they had SEX and produced a kid? People announce they're getting married. Or divorced. Or moving. Or changing careers. People tell their family things. I don't see why telling your family you're gay is any sort of thing that should not be done.

Often times people don't know how the family is going to react. I have had friends who were thrown out of the home. And sure you can say "Well, don't tell them!" except it's a part of who you are AND it also means never being able to be open and honest and bring someone you are dating or want to marry home.
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Crysania
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17-07-2015, 05:50 PM
Originally Posted by Nippy View Post
I'm with Trouble..... who cares, you are who you are.
What winds me up are the gays making such a big deal out of it. Why?
We don't have straight pride meetings. Surely if things have moved on so much and gays want to be treated as everyone else, why all the fuss?
Why all the fuss? Because they're still not treated equally. And because for a very long time in history they had to completely hide who they were for fear they would be arrested or killed.

I don't know about in the UK, but over here they JUST got marriage equality. But there are still places where people can be fired for being gay. Doesn't matter if they're good at their jobs. They can be canned just for loving someone of the same gender.
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cava14una
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17-07-2015, 08:57 PM
Well said Crysania
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SarahJade
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22-07-2015, 05:24 PM
Why do they make such a big deal about it, post it online etc?

Two reason I can think of straight away

1) they want to make it the norm to have these sorts of conversations and to highlight how some people have become so accepting, while others are still very much against it.

2) they like the drama.

I'm not pin pointing anyone thing here, this might be someone informing their parents they are dating someone of a different skin colour, religion, etc, joining the military, moving out, homosexuality, becoming transgender, having cosmetic surgery or a million and one other things.

In some ways it might give hope to others who are thinking of 'coming out' to their friends and family, and not just coming out in terms of announcing they are gay or it might help highlight to those on the fence about acceptance that there are more and more people out there that don't have a problem with these 'issues'.

As for trying to read the signs, and families expected to know what their children are thinking I find that hard to accept. My own parents thought I was gay, my mum even thought I might be transgender eventually but I'm straight, still with my first serious boyfriend and have never been attracted to a woman. I'm not judging or bashing my parents in anyway, in fact I thought my partner was gay for the first year that I knew him. It wasn't until I had the audacity to finally ask him that I pursued him as more than a friend.

And last thing, just because this really bugs me. Is there a reason homosexuals can't have children. Yeah I know, the birds and the bees, but with surrogates, donors, adoption etc I hate to see if being cast aside so easily. I work at a Church of England school and we have on average 1 or 2 pupils per year group with same sex parents. No one cares.
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