register for free
View our sister sites
Our sister sites
Our sister sites
Our sister sites
mo
Dogsey Veteran
mo is offline  
Location: Manchester
Joined: Feb 2005
Posts: 2,900
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 12:08 PM

very funny

I was crying I laughed so much.

When Church Bulletins Go Bad

They're Back! Those wonderful Church Bulletins! Thank God for church ladies with typewriters. These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins:

1. The Fasting & Prayer Conference includes meals.

2. The sermon this morning: 'Jesus Walks on the Water.' The sermon tonight: 'Searching for Jesus.'

3. Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

4. Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our community. Smile at someone who is hard to love. Say 'Hell' to someone who doesn't care much about you.

5. Don't let worry kill you off - let the Church help.

6. Miss Charlene Mason sang 'I will not pass this way again,' giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

7. For those of you who have children and don't know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

8. Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

9. Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their school days.

10. A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

11. At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be 'What Is Hell?' Come early and listen to our choir practice.

12. Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

13. Scouts are saving aluminum cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

14. Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

15. The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

16. Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM - prayer and medication to follow.

17. The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

18. This evening at 7 PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

19. Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning at 10 AM. All ladies are invited to lunch in the Fellowship Hall after the B... S. is done.

20. The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the Congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

21. Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

22. The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare' s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7 PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

23. Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.

24. The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new campaign slogan last Sunday: 'I Upped My Pledge - Up Yours.

Mo
Reply With Quote
Lionhound
Dogsey Veteran
Lionhound is offline  
Location: Elsewhere
Joined: Oct 2007
Posts: 7,227
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 12:17 PM
Brilliant
Reply With Quote
Annestaff
Supervisor
Annestaff is offline  
Location: UK
Joined: Oct 2004
Posts: 27,511
Female  Diamond Supporter 
 
28-04-2009, 12:45 PM
Great!
Reply With Quote
Mum To Many
Dogsey Senior
Mum To Many is offline  
Location: Wales
Joined: Jul 2008
Posts: 751
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 03:31 PM
Very funny, I'm still laughing!
Reply With Quote
Hali
Dogsey Veteran
Hali is offline  
Location: Scottish Borders
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 13,902
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 04:16 PM
Thanks for posting them - they really made me laugh
Reply With Quote
Tassle
Dogsey Veteran
Tassle is offline  
Location: UK
Joined: Sep 2008
Posts: 9,065
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 04:17 PM
Classic
Reply With Quote
Vicki
Dogsey Veteran
Vicki is offline  
Location: In a land far, far away
Joined: Sep 2005
Posts: 41,933
Female 
 
28-04-2009, 07:56 PM
11 and 21 - just too funny
Reply With Quote
Phil
Fondly Remembered
Phil is offline  
Location: Perthshire
Joined: Nov 2006
Posts: 11,027
Male 
 
28-04-2009, 08:01 PM
very good lol
Reply With Quote
mark meek
Dogsey Senior
mark meek is offline  
Location: rhondda
Joined: Apr 2006
Posts: 620
Male 
 
29-04-2009, 04:55 PM
oh yes ,this is the best iv'e felt all day
Reply With Quote
honeysmummy
Dogsey Veteran
honeysmummy is offline  
Location: Bedfordshire, UK
Joined: Jan 2007
Posts: 2,984
Female 
 
29-04-2009, 05:42 PM
ha ha very good !
Reply With Quote
Reply
Page 1 of 2 1 2 >


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools


© Copyright 2016, Dogsey   Contact Us - Dogsey - Top Contact us | Archive | Privacy | Terms of use | Top