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Lorna
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19-01-2012, 03:14 PM
Originally Posted by Malka View Post
Thus speaks someone who is not a mother...
I'll get Rachy to join in the thread later if she can remember her password.....if biology is what is required to be a mother?!** I'm actually pretty insulted by that comment actually I'm very insulted! What consititues being a mother then in your obviously so high and mighty opinion? The children live with us full-time, I pay their school fees, I go to their concerts, I drive them to their friend's houses, etc etc, I only refer to them as step children in discussions such as this to explain that I did not give birth, in my "real" life there is no distinction.

I would not choose to have children biologically of my own, however, I cannot say that if we didn't have the children we have I would not feel differently admittedly. Giving birth is literally my worst nightmare. And I think that bringing up my step children is more than enough for me. I would not personally choose to devote nearly 2 decades to raising another child, by the time the children leave to go to Uni they will have lived with me for over a decade....

I don't see why it is so shocking that at 18 when one legally becomes an adult it is so horrendous that we believe the children would no longer live with us full time (as I have already said they may return during the holidays if they wish) and after graduation they, like myself, and ALL of my school friends, will move into their own properties and continue their OWN lives. Why would any child want to live with their parents after they've lived away at Uni? You have children for a lifetime, they do not need "parenting" per se for a lifetime!

** Rachy is my wife, she is the children's biological mother.
Jackie
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19-01-2012, 04:13 PM
Originally Posted by Lorna View Post
Umm, they move out at 18....both kids know that at 18 they go to University, they can come to stay in the holidays, until they graduate and then they're on their own! Exactly how it was with me, I moved out at 17 (I'm a summer baby) I went to University and never went home, I briefly went back to my mum and dad's after my mum died for a few weeks to be with dad, and then I left again, I've always had my own apartments, houses, and now I'm married with our own house, no contribution by my father for anything! I went back to University prior to getting married when I was still single, when I wasn't at Uni I was working. My wife moved out when she was 18, she's never stayed with her parents since, they've never contributed for anything for her or her children....

I know this is slightly off-topic, but Rachy works with girls who are slightly younger than me, who still live with their parents, have their tea cooked for them, don't pay rent, one even has her own living room/bed/bath in their newly remodeled house - deliberately made for her. I think that is utterly ridiculous! I would never have wanted to do that with my parents, 18 years is more than enough time to dedicate to raising a child, 18 they're an adult and they can fend for themselves. You have children for life, but they don't need looking after once they finish school at 18! What does that teach children if they're parented after they become adults themselves?!

its not how I look at parenting, my kids will never be on their own.

Originally Posted by Malka View Post
Thus speaks someone who is not a mother...
Quite agree

Originally Posted by Lorna View Post
I'll get Rachy to join in the thread later if she can remember her password.....if biology is what is required to be a mother?!** I'm actually pretty insulted by that comment actually I'm very insulted! What consititues being a mother then in your obviously so high and mighty opinion? The children live with us full-time, I pay their school fees, I go to their concerts, I drive them to their friend's houses, etc etc, I only refer to them as step children in discussions such as this to explain that I did not give birth, in my "real" life there is no distinction.

I would not choose to have children biologically of my own, however, I cannot say that if we didn't have the children we have I would not feel differently admittedly. Giving birth is literally my worst nightmare. And I think that bringing up my step children is more than enough for me. I would not personally choose to devote nearly 2 decades to raising another child, by the time the children leave to go to Uni they will have lived with me for over a decade....

I don't see why it is so shocking that at 18 when one legally becomes an adult it is so horrendous that we believe the children would no longer live with us full time (as I have already said they may return during the holidays if they wish) and after graduation they, like myself, and ALL of my school friends, will move into their own properties and continue their OWN lives. Why would any child want to live with their parents after they've lived away at Uni? You have children for a lifetime, they do not need "parenting" per se for a lifetime!

** Rachy is my wife, she is the children's biological mother.
I don`t agree, If you don`t know what is so shocking about your attitude, then its no point in trying to tell you.

What happens if one of her children does want to come back and live you you after they finish uni, will you tell them they are on their own now


You have a different understanding of what being a parent is about to me then...
Wozzy
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19-01-2012, 04:31 PM
Hmmmm, i'm 34 and have always lived with my parents. I did move out for 2.5 years with my boyfriend when we got a mortgage but it didnt work out and so I moved back home. There was never any question on where I would go other than back to my parents. In that 2.5 years I lived a fully independent life, balancing the running of a very nice house and a full time job. Yes, after that it's hard to go 'back home' and I long for my full independence again but unfortunately life doesnt always work out the way we plan.

My sister also moved back home after being evicted from her flat and went on to have a further 2 children there (making a total of 3). She's gone again now but having numerous kids, being on benefits and having a boyfriend who works means she is able to afford her own place.

Both of us would've been in the sh1t if my parents had adopted the attitude 'once you're 18 you're on your own'.
Jackie
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19-01-2012, 04:40 PM
Originally Posted by Leanne_W View Post
Hmmmm, i'm 34 and have always lived with my parents. I did move out for 2.5 years with my boyfriend when we got a mortgage but it didnt work out and so I moved back home. There was never any question on where I would go other than back to my parents. In that 2.5 years I lived a fully independent life, balancing the running of a very nice house and a full time job. Yes, after that it's hard to go 'back home' and I long for my full independence again but unfortunately life doesnt always work out the way we plan.

My sister also moved back home after being evicted from her flat and went on to have a further 2 children there (making a total of 3). She's gone again now but having numerous kids, being on benefits and having a boyfriend who works means she is able to afford her own place.

Both of us would've been in the sh1t if my parents had adopted the attitude 'once you're 18 you're on your own'.
My chidren are 32 and 27 , my daughter is just about to move in with her boyfriend, my son got his own place about 5/6 years ago,

Never in a million years would I have taken the attitude ethat once they reach 18 their own

You have children for life, there is no cut of point to stop becoming a parent.
Dobermann
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19-01-2012, 04:46 PM
As far as I could make out both families supported themselves and their kids, not the welfare system. I see no harm or controversy in that.
alexgirl73
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19-01-2012, 04:53 PM
Originally Posted by Lorna View Post
I'll get Rachy to join in the thread later if she can remember her password.....if biology is what is required to be a mother?!** I'm actually pretty insulted by that comment actually I'm very insulted! What consititues being a mother then in your obviously so high and mighty opinion? The children live with us full-time, I pay their school fees, I go to their concerts, I drive them to their friend's houses, etc etc, I only refer to them as step children in discussions such as this to explain that I did not give birth, in my "real" life there is no distinction.

I would not choose to have children biologically of my own, however, I cannot say that if we didn't have the children we have I would not feel differently admittedly. Giving birth is literally my worst nightmare. And I think that bringing up my step children is more than enough for me. I would not personally choose to devote nearly 2 decades to raising another child, by the time the children leave to go to Uni they will have lived with me for over a decade....

I don't see why it is so shocking that at 18 when one legally becomes an adult it is so horrendous that we believe the children would no longer live with us full time (as I have already said they may return during the holidays if they wish) and after graduation they, like myself, and ALL of my school friends, will move into their own properties and continue their OWN lives. Why would any child want to live with their parents after they've lived away at Uni? You have children for a lifetime, they do not need "parenting" per se for a lifetime!

** Rachy is my wife, she is the children's biological mother.
I actually agree with Malka on this one. I didn't have my children just to chuck them out once they reach the magical age of 18 Children are for life, not just for Christmas
Dobermann
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19-01-2012, 04:56 PM
SOME kids can handle life "on their own" at 18, some probably just need that independance to learn that they are ready but there will always be kids, who are just that at 18, and wont be ready to be turfed out just because they reached a certain number. I don't believe that parenting can be so generic.
Dobermann
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19-01-2012, 05:01 PM
I left home young. I won't go into the ins and outs but, if thr reason I left young was because my mothers partner decided that they couldn't be @rsed with me being there since I reached a certain age, she would have WASTED the last 18 years on me. I can tell you that for nothing!
Trouble
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19-01-2012, 05:12 PM
I have 2 sons. one lived at home until he was 26 the other has recently moved out and he's nearly 24 and I miss having them around. I like my sons, I enjoy their company and vice versa I guess because they phone frequently and visit pretty often too and I agree with Jackbox, my kids will never be on their own while I draw breath. I will always be there for them, how sad to shove them out the door at 18 and wash your hands of them and I speak as someone who was on their own from the age of 17 as both parents had died but that was circumstances not them thinking it was time I stood on my own two feet. I have 2 step children and I'm not particularly fond of either of them but if they needed help or a roof over their head I'd still be there for them.
Helen
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19-01-2012, 05:30 PM
I didn't leave home until I was 21 but I'm sure I would have been more than welcome to stay for as long as I wanted/needed to. There is no way I would have been ready, at 18, to live on my own and I'm glad that my parents didn't take that attitude.

I know a lot of people who went to Uni and then went back to live at home. A lot of it down to financial reasons. What happens if they can't afford to live on their own? Is the state expected to look after your children, because you don't want to?

Helen
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