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Hannah
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Location: Cornwall
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16-09-2009, 03:03 PM
As a childcare worker, a Mum and someone who has been classed as emotionally abused as a child I think I have seen most sides of the picture.

I believe what he is refering to is how todays system is very much geared towards leaving the children with the family even when abuse is going on and only taking the child away as a last measure. A child thats abused will still suffer loss at being taken away from a parent to an extent depending on level of abuse they love that parent and alot of the time the way a parent will keep the child quiet is to tell them if they tell they will be taken away or to make the child believe they are bad and its all their own fault. Either way when the child is taken into care unless handled right the child can grow up believing it was their fault and being just as damaged as if they had been left with their family.

I believe if the abuse/problem families can be identified earlier and the child taken away at a much younger age not only is it easier to find families to adopt them but its easier for the child to grow up uneffected/less effected by the family/abuse but its very hard to do this. I do think theres too much pussy footing around the parents sometimes educating the parents is all thats needed and working with them but alot of the time this is not enough and it takes far too long for the process to get to the stage of taking a child away. Theres too much red tape and the social workers dont always have enough powers theyre also understaffed and over worked (my stepmum is a social worker but doesnt want to return to it after having a baby due to the pressures of the job and lack of suport) so things get missed I really think our system needs looking at and shaking up and social workers need more support and more time for each individual case!

On the other side of the coin, my Mum suffered postnatal depression badly and had an awful temper with it, she never physically abused us but she would say some wicked things that as a mother I would never tolerate anyone saying to my child, I was definately effected by my up bringing and I believe my siblings more so all of whom suffer with depression and self esteem issues. But I definately dont believe we would have benefited from being taken away from our family or that my parents deserved to have us taken off them I genuinely believe both my parents did the best job they were able to do and if the problem have been beter identified and they had both been given more help our up bringing could have been quite different!
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Cassius
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Location: B'ham (nr the airport)
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16-09-2009, 05:40 PM
Originally Posted by bens mum View Post
this discussion is extremely close to my heart.a family member is in the process of having her son put up for adoption. shes failed all the parenting courses, and SS where taking her to court to have parental responsibility taken away from her.
i have had a huge falling out with her, over this. she had 3 other children taken away and adopted 7 yrs ago. so obiously she didnt learn by her mistakes.(yes im bitter)
and i do think that the little boy will be better off, he wont be screamed and swore at.
but because of the fall out. his mother dont want me to beable to go and have contact visits.
sorry this is all jumbled up. but my heads all over the place at the moment.
there is alot of support for young mums now. they have sure start (down here) where the mums n kids can have days out. play areas. and SS offer a family support worker. who will help the mum.
we never had any of that.(showing my age here) the head health visitor if u had a prob u just went n talked to her.
i think mums have it alot easier now. but some mums just dont seem to care anymore.
So sorry to hear this.. It's such a shame. is there no way that youself or another family member would be able to take on the little boy concerned? Then at least he still stays with his own family, if not with his mother.

I don't knwo what it's like where you are but here (B'ham) SS don't take much notice of mothers whose children are being adopted. if family members who've had ocntact with the children wish for it to continue and the children do too, it's usually arranged amicably so they don't lose touch with their natural family.

Laura xx
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bens mum
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16-09-2009, 06:16 PM
Originally Posted by Stumpywop View Post
So sorry to hear this.. It's such a shame. is there no way that youself or another family member would be able to take on the little boy concerned? Then at least he still stays with his own family, if not with his mother.

I don't knwo what it's like where you are but here (B'ham) SS don't take much notice of mothers whose children are being adopted. if family members who've had ocntact with the children wish for it to continue and the children do too, it's usually arranged amicably so they don't lose touch with their natural family.

Laura xx
i wouldnt beable to have him myself, too many health probs. also the wrong side of 50.
my family are the original screwed up big time family.
wwith the other children. postbox contact was arranged, but when the other children where told about their little brother. they didnt write back, spose it was understandable
i just dont know what to do or say anymore.
it may come to the point where i will have to see some-one and get a letter drafted up. i have some rights. and an hour isnt much to ask for is it.
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Cassius
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07-10-2009, 01:26 AM
Originally Posted by bens mum View Post
i wouldnt beable to have him myself, too many health probs. also the wrong side of 50.
my family are the original screwed up big time family.
wwith the other children. postbox contact was arranged, but when the other children where told about their little brother. they didnt write back, spose it was understandable
i just dont know what to do or say anymore.
it may come to the point where i will have to see some-one and get a letter drafted up. i have some rights. and an hour isnt much to ask for is it.
Hi,

I'm sorry to hear this. I didn't know there was an age limit on adoption. I could understand if someone of 75 want to adopt a child of 3 but you're his family and being over 50 i sno age at all these days.

Please write the letter or get someone to do it for you. It's definitely worth keeping contact and then when he's older, the little boy can decide for himself who he wants to know of his immediate. natural family.

I think it's really sad when someone has children removed, whatever the reason. Although if dealt with properly and the children understand why things are happening, the nhopefully any damage is minimal. I know it doesn't always work that way though.

Laura xx
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tinkladyv
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Location: leicester uk
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03-11-2009, 09:52 AM
Originally Posted by aliwin View Post
Whilst I agree nearly (little harsh in some areas, lol) with what you say one of the things that has really shocked me is the amount of affluent mothers that drink behind closed doors and how many actually are subjected to domestic violence! So whilst those in your local "rough" area are in the streets with no shame it maybe that your local "affluent" area are doing similar just with shame behind closed doors. Net result screwed up kids all round!

But I'm not sure if there is a decline in parenting skills or if it is just more hyped by the media?
Totally agree with that, have worked with many so called "Rough kids" who yes were rough, but they were honest, you new what you would get in a given situation. Where as we have had so much mindless and needless anti social behaviour in our village in leicestershire, which is pretty much white middle class tories and parents who drop their children off around the village centre away from their homes, bottle of drink in hand for a night of "do what you want, as long as we dont see".
When i have spoken to the kids in more deprived areas, about issues with their children, they would often get a clip round the ear and wouldnt do it again!
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tinkladyv
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03-11-2009, 09:58 AM
Originally Posted by Hannah View Post
As a childcare worker, a Mum and someone who has been classed as emotionally abused as a child I think I have seen most sides of the picture.

I believe what he is refering to is how todays system is very much geared towards leaving the children with the family even when abuse is going on and only taking the child away as a last measure. A child thats abused will still suffer loss at being taken away from a parent to an extent depending on level of abuse they love that parent and alot of the time the way a parent will keep the child quiet is to tell them if they tell they will be taken away or to make the child believe they are bad and its all their own fault. Either way when the child is taken into care unless handled right the child can grow up believing it was their fault and being just as damaged as if they had been left with their family.

I believe if the abuse/problem families can be identified earlier and the child taken away at a much younger age not only is it easier to find families to adopt them but its easier for the child to grow up uneffected/less effected by the family/abuse but its very hard to do this. I do think theres too much pussy footing around the parents sometimes educating the parents is all thats needed and working with them but alot of the time this is not enough and it takes far too long for the process to get to the stage of taking a child away. Theres too much red tape and the social workers dont always have enough powers theyre also understaffed and over worked (my stepmum is a social worker but doesnt want to return to it after having a baby due to the pressures of the job and lack of suport) so things get missed I really think our system needs looking at and shaking up and social workers need more support and more time for each individual case!

On the other side of the coin, my Mum suffered postnatal depression badly and had an awful temper with it, she never physically abused us but she would say some wicked things that as a mother I would never tolerate anyone saying to my child, I was definately effected by my up bringing and I believe my siblings more so all of whom suffer with depression and self esteem issues. But I definately dont believe we would have benefited from being taken away from our family or that my parents deserved to have us taken off them I genuinely believe both my parents did the best job they were able to do and if the problem have been beter identified and they had both been given more help our up bringing could have been quite different!
I agree with you, having worked for socail care and health in Leicester with children for many years, this is very much my exp. I worked with a team that was very succesful in reducing children going into higher tier ss involvement. That was early intervention, going in and working with under 5's families and supporting them practically, much as a health visitor would have done 20 years ago.
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