There's been some great advice on here - nice one guys

I agree that a more professional relationship with your carer would be more appropriate. Like LS says, friendly is fine while she's working, but lay off the texts. If that's difficult with this lady then you'd be better off having somebody else.

I totally agree with Inca that you need to talk to your doctor. I know you're not keen on the antidepressants, but they can be wonderful if taken with due consideration. Have you had problems with them before? If so, there are a load of different types of them, and while not all suit everyone, your GP will be able to find one that's good for you. If it's the stigma of taking antidepressants, forget it - half the board's on them (or has been), and they haven't done us any harm

Yes I have had counselling before too, it sometimes helps. I don't need her phone number, you go through the office to contact any of the carers. I need to be carefull because I don't want her to get into trouble by breaking the boundaries, that would hurt me even more. But I know that most of the carers does it from time to time, it is just the way they are.

Ian

I don't mind taking the antidepressants I have, the only problem is the next morning, you're drugged, they are amitriptyline, they do work, however it take about two weeks to get working.

Ian

How about trying different antidepressants - might suit you better?

yes I'll ask the doctor, he should be able to give me something.

Ian

Ian, firstly stop worrying about her and her relationship, you've got to sort yourself out first for yours and Blackie's sake.

Inca is right in what she said, and to be honest this is exactly why us carers, as hard as it is, must never give out our phone numbers, addresses, e-mail or any other contacts to our clients. It is a disciplinary in our agency to do this. Anything to do with care and contacting their carer they can always ring us as all agencies have to be answerable 24 hours a day.

She has a professional responsibility to you, her client, and yes she sounds like a really great carer, but she shouldn't give away too much personal info as it can get clients worrying, which is exactly what you are doing. So forget about her for a mo, (I may be talking to a brick wall here Ian I know as you do care for her) but think about you.

If it helps to talk to us then great. If you can see your GP even better. I have even used the Samaritans in the past, and you don't have to be thinking about suicide to do that you know (though they do ask at first if you are thinking of harming yourself a bit). I have had some great conversations with people there, just to get things off my chest to another human being without prejudice.

As for your care? Speak to you social worker (or duty worker if you're not lucky enough to have a named one). Speak to the agency as you can always ask not to have certain carers, and in a way that doesn't get her into trouble. We have it all the time, personality clashes are good enough reason to change carers, after all it is your home and you shouldn't be feeling awkward or dreading carers coming in who are there to help you.

As for people who say she must be in a controlling relationship? That may not be the case at all. You have already said her work take advantage of her. Well imagine if she's been out all day, is now at home, work have called to change/add extras to her run tomorrow and her and her OH haven't had a minutes peace. Then he sees she's talking to you again? He may just be sick of her work completely (trust me, before I was the co-ordinator plenty of times we've just all sat down to dinner and the phone will ring from work, it does test things if it happens a lot). He may not totally understand how involved carers get? Don't instantly have him down as controlling, because actually , professionally he is right and she shouldn't be talking to you outside of work.
It may sound a bit jobsworth, but true. We have had carers do exactly what she has done and it always ends in tears and sadly 99% of the time they belong to the clients, but it is very hard to control, except by contant supervision and good staff managemnent, which is another thing you say her agency don't do.

Thanks Becky - some good points and advice there.

Thank you Beckyc, you are talking a lot of sense, however the talking on messenger is only one a week or fortnightly, and last night it was for 45 mins, which is about average. it isn't as though it is every night or so. also she starts it off, I never contact her first. The emails I sent her was some of the jokes from this site, with just the joke in the email nothing else. The last text I sent her was on Monday(I think) the one before that was 5 weeks ago to say that her boyfriends computer was fixed. Personally I wouldn't think that this amount of contact was over the top or warrant what has happened

I know that we have both broken the boundaries, however if she wasn't happy she could have told me before now, I thought everything was ok.

Ian

I have been where you are now. I didn't think it was worth living. But believe me it is. A councillor is a great help, they hav'nt got a magic wand but it is great to talk it gets so much out of your system. As for antidepressant there are so many different ones out there, ask your GP for something else. There is nothing wrong in them once you find the right one they are a great help. Without them I would not be here now to type this to you. I think you have been depressed for a while but this incident with the carer has made things worse. Please, Please, speak to your to your GP. What would us dogsey fans do without your input. Please take care. Lots of hugs to you.

ian, that's why they're called carers, my OH was one for years. she used to tell me folks were so glad to see her comming in, it was the highlight of their day.