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random
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11-04-2010, 06:39 PM

Is this an inappropriate relationship?

'Specially for Mish LOL!

Ok so the b/f (he's 19 in a couple months) has a friend who he met at church, she ain't a vicar but she does work in the church (he works playing piano/organ for churches/funerals/weddings e.t.c), She was doing an animal service and he played for it. She must be in her 50s/60s. I met her once and she is VERY eccentric. She was wearing a long green mac and knee high Dr Martens (not than there is anything wrong in that I have some Dr M's myself!), scraggly long hair, talked very posh but was overall a bit 'odd'. I can't really explain it, she rings him up to talk about her chickens, for like an hour a time, anyway...

She thanked him for playing at her service and he gave her his business card and from that they became friends and met up for coffee e.t.c. She doesn't have many friends, I think she's just a lonely woman. She has 2 grown up sons, I don't know how often she sees them, evidentally not much.

She told him this big secret about her moving away from her husband who abused her, for another man and he couldn't tell anyone, they'd know each other just a few months then.

Then she started taking him out and buying him things, like shoes (Dr Martens LOL - not cheap stuff, apprently she is loaded). She (and the 'partner') offered to buy him a car and pay for insurance for him, which I felt a bit weirded out by. They didn't in the end cuz he said he'd feel too guilty and he had money saved up anyway for one...

Then she moved and she gave him some personal items which she couldn't keep (churchy stuff) which was fair enough.

Then she gave him a grand to do a funeral directing course. Just like that...here's a grand...is that odd?

Then she asked him to go over and stay at her place with her and the partner for 2 weeks, he said 10 days because of work commitments. So she paid for him to stay in a top hotel the night before he flies over there (because getting up at 6am for a flight is just NOT on don't you know!), all his travel, meals, his planes, private helicopter to the island they live on...

Would you be a bit weirded out or is it just me?
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tillytheterrier
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11-04-2010, 06:42 PM
Well it does sound a bit odd on the surface but maybe if she doesnt see her sons much, she's given your B/F the attention she would have given to them. At the end of the day, if your happy and he's happy then just go with the flow!
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random
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11-04-2010, 06:47 PM
Originally Posted by tillytheterrier View Post
Well it does sound a bit odd on the surface but maybe if she doesnt see her sons much, she's given your B/F the attention she would have given to them. At the end of the day, if your happy and he's happy then just go with the flow!
I think sometimes she is just putting too much on him, at the end of the day they don't even know each other THAT well, I think he's known her about the same as he's known me so about 18 months - 2 years but in that time he's only seen her for a few hours every couple months... and he is NOT her son, I don't think it's fair on either of them tbh and it just freaks me out if i'm honest, she doesn't seem to know where to draw the line...
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tillytheterrier
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11-04-2010, 06:49 PM
Well if it is upsetting you or your not comfortable with it, then you need to explain that to him. To be honest, im not sure it would be something i would be happy with. Maybe if she is lonely, to her it may seem acceptable but you cannot buy someone and he needs to be careful that he doesnt take advantage of her good nature. How does her partner feel about it?
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Hali
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11-04-2010, 06:56 PM
It does seem very strange. It could of course just be purely innocent, but my mind would certainly be working overtime in your position.

As a matter of interest - are you ever included in any of these invites? I know practically it wouldn't be possible, but I'm curious as to whether she sort of pretends that you don't exist or aren't important to him?

Does your OH know how uncomfortable you are about it? Have you spoken to him honestly about your feelings (without trying to put pressure on him to stop seeing her etc)?
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random
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11-04-2010, 07:02 PM
Originally Posted by tillytheterrier View Post
Well if it is upsetting you or your not comfortable with it, then you need to explain that to him. To be honest, im not sure it would be something i would be happy with. Maybe if she is lonely, to her it may seem acceptable but you cannot buy someone and he needs to be careful that he doesnt take advantage of her good nature. How does her partner feel about it?
Well I am quite easy going really, i'm not having sleepless night or anything but we have talked about it at length because I just don't feel comfortable with it. He knows exactly and agrees about the concerns I have tbh but he just shrugs it off and says she is just lonely and she doesn't have any other friends or anyone that bothers with her. Now she has moved away it has quietened down but he is going to stay with her (tomorrow actually! He's in Manchester now...) which I was not entirely happy with but again, i'd never stop him doing it if he wants to, it's his life, his choice, I have never been a controlling partner to anyone ('suppose that's maybe where I go wrong!) but yeh, it is out of my comfort zone and I guess he will be going to stay with her again (especially as it's all paid for!)
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aliwin
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11-04-2010, 07:03 PM
I'd be wierded out deffo! It doesn't sound quite right!
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tillytheterrier
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11-04-2010, 07:05 PM
Originally Posted by random View Post
Well I am quite easy going really, i'm not having sleepless night or anything but we have talked about it at length because I just don't feel comfortable with it. He knows exactly and agrees about the concerns I have tbh but he just shrugs it off and says she is just lonely and she doesn't have any other friends or anyone that bothers with her. Now she has moved away it has quietened down but he is going to stay with her (tomorrow actually! He's in Manchester now...) which I was not entirely happy with but again, i'd never stop him doing it if he wants to, it's his life, his choice, I have never been a controlling partner to anyone ('suppose that's maybe where I go wrong!) but yeh, it is out of my comfort zone and I guess he will be going to stay with her again (especially as it's all paid for!)
I suppose its one of those times where we ''put up or pull out!''. I can understand with you not feeling comfortable with it though. I think he needs to take your feelings into account more as well.
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random
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11-04-2010, 07:09 PM
Originally Posted by Hali View Post
It does seem very strange. It could of course just be purely innocent, but my mind would certainly be working overtime in your position.

As a matter of interest - are you ever included in any of these invites? I know practically it wouldn't be possible, but I'm curious as to whether she sort of pretends that you don't exist or aren't important to him?

Does your OH know how uncomfortable you are about it? Have you spoken to him honestly about your feelings (without trying to put pressure on him to stop seeing her etc)?
Fiona that's exactly it! I have never been invited anywhere with them and she never ever mentions me, she speaks as if I don't exist and infact, as if his own mum doesn't exist, I was just saying EXACTLY that to my mum last week! Thing is also, if I REALLY wanted to go away I could bribe my sister to 'live in' for the time i'm away as she has left college now so she's totally free and he knows that as if I can get time of work in Sept we are supposed to be going away for a week and that is exactly what is happening then RE: the animals and I know my dad would always have Myles if he absolutely couldn't come, obviously it would all need to be planned, I couldn't just up and go, but still...
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random
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11-04-2010, 07:11 PM
Originally Posted by aliwin View Post
I'd be wierded out deffo! It doesn't sound quite right!
Thank you! I was beggining to think it was just me!

Originally Posted by tillytheterrier View Post
I suppose its one of those times where we ''put up or pull out!''. I can understand with you not feeling comfortable with it though. I think he needs to take your feelings into account more as well.
Well he's got a lot of growing up to do so i'm not being too harsh just yet but we will see...
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