Another thing that I'm puzzled about, in May she asked if she could look through my catalogue because she wanted a new dress, I said yes of course, so she choose one and I ordered it, it was delayed and only came three weeks ago, she took it home tried it on and said it was ok, she asked how long she had to pay for it, I said I have just paid in so yu have a month. Then two week ago, she says can I return that dress, I don't like it. What happened in that two weeks I don't know? I have returned it.

Ian

Ian I know how you feel, and like I said I sound a right old jobsworth, and if I didn't do the job I do would probably think that of myself too, but.....

Carers should not share personal contact detals (of any sort) with their clients, as it can lead to a client becoming reliable on that carers or too involved with that carers life. Carer should also be aware of sharing too much personal information, especially if it may distress or worry their clients. We are their to alleviate worries, not create them.

Domiciliary care is about independence, keeping people in their own homes, and independant.... not getting clients depenedent on their carers.

I know she probably is a good carer, I've said it before, and I can understand why she did it.

Ok, here's an example or two, bear with me.

We have a carer who is fantastic, she does go above and beyond and wants to help everyone, she's brill but sometimes she forgets to let clients do things for themselves. She was on holiday, I went to her lady client who had a stripwash in the bathroom. She undressed and sat on her stool as I prepared the flannel, when I turned round she was posed, arms out, ready for a wash. I passed her the flannel.. 'Oh, she normally does all this for me' she said. 'Ah but you can do it yourself can't you?' I said with a smile, 'Oh, yes, course I can!' she said. So she washed her front, I washed her back and anything she couldn't reach like her feet. I had a word with her normal carer, this lady could actually do things for herself, and it is very important to keep them doing things as it keeps self-esteem. It's the same with doing buttons up for some people. Yes, you could hurry along and do them for them every morning, but if they can do they they should, as it keeps their fine motor skills in their fingers. It may take a few minutes longer, but hey ho you can be doing something else whilst they are achieveing something for themselves.

We have another carer who tells clients, far, far too much about her personal life, and if only she could see the distress it causes. She is constantly reminded about it, and believe me I bang my head against the wall over this.

Being a good carer is more than just a cheery smile and practical help, it's thinking about how you leave a client, keeping that professionalism as in the end thats what people look for.

God, I go on sometimes lol.

Hello sweetheart,
I've just read all the fantastic advice on here and I honestly don't think there's anything more I can add.

Just to reiterate:

Your carer's boyfriend is the one with the issues.
Your carer does not handle him well.
You are completely innocent in all this.

IMO, you should try to stay friends - you can never have enough - and just keep her at arms length.

Big hugs honey - keep gassing on here. You'll be so knackered in the end, you'll fall asleep at your keyboard

xox

ah Ian it sounds like a lot of childish games between her and her beau, bet they are both young, dont let it be your problem, its clearly there problem,
anyways I thought I was yer chum, Im a girl honest dont let the name fool ya, I even have a wee pink icon now

{was gona write wee pink dinky but realised that sounded soooooooo bad } I could get sensored with statements like that,,,,,,,engaged brain just in time

Hugs n Hugs n Hugs shona x

Fantastic answers Becky - I wish I could give you a reppie, but it won't let me......

Thats another no no, buying or selling things for or from clients, unless of course it is their shopping and thats what you are there to do.

We can't even collect pensions anymore thanks to chip and pin. In the old days of pension books they could sign to say someone could collect, but we can't know chip and pins for clients so unless we can take them with us they can't get actual cash, families have to do it for them.

There is also rules about what we can but, lottery tickets are banned too! Don't understand that one really as we can buy enough alcohol to send them straight under the table!

Hi Beckyc,
I understand everything you say and it all makes sense. The carers I get will do things if I ask,for example when I first came out of hospital I couldn't carry anything up or down stairs, they all used to do this for me, empty my commode etc. but that was about it, I do everything myself, they just come to pop in and see if I'm ok, the one on an evening walks Blackie around the block for me.

So I do everything, but just the other week I had washed Blackies blankets and as I was going out side to put them on the line she came and helped me, it was windy and I was being blown about. So these carers do let you be independant, and they do know there job, just the profesionalism has slipped a bit.

She always tries to leave me in a good frame of mind, even today she tried to make me smile before she went.

Ian

Thanks Vicki,

I am going to stay friends, as long as she is able to. My carer, I have often wondered why they are together, they are never together as a couple should be (in my opinion) he goes out with his mates, she goes out with her friends. If he comes in from work before her, he will make his own tea and leave her to do her own. etc. etc. Now I might be old fashioned but to me that's wrong. One day she was very tired and I said that he should run her a bath for when she got in, her reply was "fat chance of that happening" So reading between the lines to me anyway, they seem to be only sharing a house and bed.

They have been together for 4 years now, and the other week a friend of theres was gettting married, I jokingly said "well it'll be your turn next" she pulled a face and said (NO CHANCE) and pulled a face. So I don't know, they are a strange couple to work out.

But I have to concentrate on ME and Backie!!!

Ian

Hi Shona,

yes they are both young, she's 21 and he is 25, I don't know but by working out how long they have been together I think he may be her first relationship - 21 - 4 = 17 when she met him.

You ARE my chum

Ian

That's better!

You can't live other peoples lives for them Ian, concentrate on living yours, coz life is to be cherished.