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Kerriebaby
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Location: in a pile of nappies
Joined: Feb 2011
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24-04-2012, 04:00 PM
No words...just hugs xxx
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Kazz
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Location: England
Joined: Apr 2004
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24-04-2012, 06:08 PM
Just a thought the people who are phoning asking for updates could you not ask them or your brother to come in and sit with your Mom for an hour while you walk Cain? when she comes home.
Make the plan now.
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Kiing
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Location: Norfolk, UK
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24-04-2012, 06:27 PM
Thinking of you.
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Tang
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Location: Pyla Village, Larnaka, Cyprus
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24-04-2012, 07:01 PM
It's quite obvious that you feel you are "every kind of exhausted....Physically, mentally, emotionally....I'm just wrecked" just from reading what you wrote. I hope it doesn't sound too lame to say I hope it helped a teeny bit just getting it all down in type.

Someone very close and dear to me is under the same sort of strain (my darling daughter in law) her 4yr old was diagnosed with kidney cancer on the same day her only daughter was born and she has two other sons, 8 and 10 and since the day she came out of hospital she has had to go back and forth to the Radcliffe for chemo and transfusions and have little Harvey kept in every so often and stay over with him.

She does have my son to support her but they are mainly kept apart with him home looking after the other 2 boys while she takes the baby with her to the hospital with Harvey.

The Sebastion Action Trust and the Clic Sargent have been SO much help and support to them. I cannot praise them enough and the rest of the family has tirelessly fundraised for them this past 6 months or so.

If you have so many relatives that their calls are almost non stop you really SHOULD enlist the help of some of them - even if only for an hour or two now and then.

And it is good that your mum is not refusing to go into respite care. Do take that up as well.

My personal feelings are that you should accept EVERY offer and gesture to alleviate the load - especially from your workplace. You could end up having to take time off through no choice but because you just could no longer cope yourself. And thinking practically, the 'job' is the only aspect where you can easily get some 'let up' - your mum has to be cared for, your dog has to be fed and cared for. The job will survive without you for a while. Who sits with your mum while you are at work?

I have a dear friend who has the 24 hr care of her younger sister after she suffered a brain stem stroke. She is in a more or less vegetative state - tube fed, no power of movement or speech. The doc told my friend recently that if she doesn't let up on herself soon there is a distinct possibility that her sister will outlive her. And then who will care for her?

Unfortunately respites will not take the sister because she screams non stop when my friend is out of sight. And they cannot 'keep her there against her will'. So, while your mum is agreeable to a bit of respite - and while it is on offer to you in your area - do take it up.

I understand what you are saying about taking compassionate leave now and maybe needing it more later on. But sounds like you need it NOW. You have enough to deal with on a day to day basis without trying to see too far into the future and pre empt stuff that might or might not happen - like with the house and your brother.

Could you not sit down with your brother and thrash out exactly what he expects to happen to try to at least put your mind at rest about that aspect?
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WhichPets
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24-04-2012, 07:10 PM
Amanda I'm so sorry to read things are hard on you at the moment
It must be so tough seeing your mum so unwell let alone being the one to care for her as well.

It sounds like a good thing that she's going in to the hospice for a few days; it will give you a chance to relax a little and catch up on work and for your mum to get round the clock care.

It has all happened so suddenly it must be so hard for you to take in and cope with, I really am thinking of you.

I'm sure Cain will get the idea eventually; you are doing everything you can for him and in all honestly even on the days where he gets less than you'd like I'm sure he gets a lot more than many dogs out there.

I hope theres good news regarding the house subsiding too.

It must be hard knowing that your mum really wants you there all the time when you have other responsibilities too. Keep us updated as to how your feeling; we're all here for you. Sit down and have a big bar of chocolate and given Cain some sausage on me

Thinking of you... hugs xxxx
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lilypup
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Location: West Sussex, UK
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24-04-2012, 08:33 PM
Having your mum in the wonderful hospice will make a huge difference to you. Sending you love and hugs at this most difficult of times. xxxxx
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bugzy
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24-04-2012, 09:24 PM
Thinking of you in this difficult time xxx
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Magpyex
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Location: North-East Birmingham, UK
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24-04-2012, 09:41 PM
It is no wonder you're exhausted, you're doing the work of about ten people all at once

I agree with everyone else that you should talk to the MM nurses because you are just as much in need of their help as your mum is. You are under extreme emotional and physical stress and you really need someone to 'unload' on. If you don't feel comfortable talking to them, you could contact the hospital your mum goes to and see if they have group sessions you could go to or a counsellor you could talk to while your mum is there having a check up. The hospitals understand how difficult it is and there is a bunch of help at hand for full time carers.

I can't offer much more help because I've never been in your situation but I hope that now your mum is going into hospital for a few days, you can get a bit of time to clear your head and have some time to unwind (As much as is possible, anyway!)
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dave2003
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Location: scotland
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24-04-2012, 11:43 PM
just to say thinking of you all at this difficult time, sending you a hug xx
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tattoogirl73
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Location: south yorkshire
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25-04-2012, 04:25 PM
I'm so sorry to read about your mum. I can't imagine how stressful it must be working full time and being a carer. I think respite for your mum would do you both good, especially if you could get s couple of days off work to have some time to yourself. ((((Hugs)))) jayne
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