Thanks Jackie, I honestly don't think she is grooming him but I do think she is not 'all there'. She doesn't seem to be able to grasp where the lines are that she keeps on crossing within the relationship with him. I'd say she was harmless on her own but I have never met the partner, I have no idea what he is like and I don't mean to sound nasty but if he chose to be with her then chances are he's not going to be 'all there' either is he? I know that sounds awful and crass but it's just what i'm thinking...

He has listened and if I absolutely wanted to I could have put my foot down and said "NO I DON'T WANT YOU GOING" but that's just not me, I don't like being controlling as I know what it's like to be controlled and he needs to be able to make his own choices. I have 'advised' but obviously he still decided to go. His words were "If my mum says it's alright then it must be alright" (see other thread!) But I don't think his mum has ever met this woman and she certainly doesn't know what she is like at all, his mum is a bit 'dizzy' at the best of times...

Maybe his mum knows him better than he thinks she does, maybe thats why she is going with him, she may knwo that if you tell him to do something, he will do the opposite, so she is allowing him to make his own judgment but making sure he comes to no harm by going with him.

He took the grand because she sent him a cheque and she wanted to give him it but he said he'd pay her back. He turned down the money for the car and other money. Other things are she has bought him things like expensive shoes, the whole holiday/hotel/flights e.t.c. because SHE wanted him to go over and stay and he couldn't afford all that. I think he's just to naive to realise tbh Jackie, he is so used to being totally mothered by his own mum and his gran e.t.c. I mean, tea on table for when he gets in every day since he started solids, the world TOTALLY revolving round him, I know I sounded harsh on the other thread but his mum's life revolves around him as if he were a 6 month old child needing constant attention. ANd this is all he knows, he has no independence AT ALL, he can't even chose between which pub we should go to because he has always had every choice made for him all his life, what he eats, what he wears, everything...

She is only going with him so he doesn't stay in the hotel on his own and to make sure he gets to the airport on time, soon as he gets on the plane he's on his own. She is having no contact with this woman and she is totally fine about him going there apparently. He is going to a wee island off guernsey, she is only going to manc airport with him...

I agree with everything Jackbox has said. Something is very wrong here. Why did he not ask this woman if you could go with him? And more importantly why the hell is he going? It's not as if she is someone he has known for years or is an old family friend is it? I have a strange feeling that something is very wrong it just doesn't make sense, either on this woman or your boyfriends part in all this. Please don't take offence with this post but this is all too strange.

Hummm......not something I would want to be involved in!

Seems very fishy

Of course I don't take offence I feel exactly the same myself and ever since even before I met her I felt something just wasn't right which was only reinforced when I did meet her (by accident no less and she pretty much blanked me and everything he said about me, she used to rescue animals and she is a big animal lover - he isn't, so he was telling her how I am and she just totally skimmed over it where most people would ask about your pets surely? I know I would...)

lol!!!!! bless.

obvisley im jumping abit to conclusions, but

a. theres his mother
b. theres this older woman
c. you are also a older woman


theres a linky there!

I like older men, have daddy issues, so i really cant critise!

Yes I TOTALLY know he likes older women and he likes being mothered (which I try and cut down to a minimum), it's not a secret, but this is just odd I told him "I think you are only going to be mothered" This woman has already told him she makes all her own homemade meals and he will have 3 good meals a day and she used to be a chef or something....she used to take him to her house and cook for him when she lived over here so that is what he is looking forward to, 10 days of total mothering (smothering I call it )

I usually go for older men as it happens, this was totally out of my area of expertise! My ex was18 yrs older than me!

This is very weird Kel, if he's going off to a small island near Guernsey he might have difficulty keeping in touch with you. Is it Sark where there are no cars allowed and maybe no mobile phones either or Herm (Even smaller)

I also agree with others above that at 50 something she should not be talking to him about her sex life, totally inappropriate.

Giving your OH money and offering to buy him a car is also weird given that they hardly know each other.

The bottom line is do you believe your OH has the moral integrity to act responsibly and to not get entangled with this women in any way which will compromise your relationship with him.

A straight forward holiday is one thing (and you should be with him if it's just a holiday) but what if she has other ideas which he knows nothing about