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Moobli
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19-01-2011, 09:20 PM
My hubby and I got married on top of a hill overlooking the reservoir where we live. We had the registrar and two witnesses. It was perfect for us.

My mum was a bit put out. Not sure she wanted a huge "do" but was a bit fed up that I hadn't invited her and the immediate family etc. However, the fact I had it up here in Scotland, outdoors and, shock of shocks, not in a church (she is Irish Catholic!) she would have moaned about it one way or another any way.

You have to stand firm and do what you want to do. It is your day. It is about the start of your lives together in a lasting partnership - not about a knees up.

I would suggest giving it a little time and then trying to talk to your mum about your decision, and that her reaction is deeply upsetting to you.

Good luck and hugs x
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Lucky Star
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19-01-2011, 10:01 PM
Can't your parents come too to Gretna Green; say just for the weekend that you get married, so that they can be there to see you get married? It might still be cheaper than a venue with loads of guests.
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dreamaday
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19-01-2011, 10:02 PM
I agree it is your day, but your family and friends will want to share it.
I was lucky, Chris and I organised ours, we had exactly what and where we wanted, I think my mum went to the other extreme and tried so hard not to interfere, I have sometimes felt she wasnt interested!! I'm sure she would mortified if she knew how I felt!!

Just a thought - cant your parents go with you? your dad could still do his bit and your mum can still show off the photos?
Just because its Gretna doesnt mean you cant have family there!
x

edit - Luckystar, great minds
i posted at the same time!
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akitagirl
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19-01-2011, 10:09 PM
Yeah, I want them there! But I don't think they will because they won't be happy..

I do hope they come round
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Lucky Star
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19-01-2011, 10:18 PM
Originally Posted by akitagirl View Post
Yeah, I want them there! But I don't think they will because they won't be happy..

I do hope they come round
That's such a shame. Well, if you've invited them and they refuse, it is your wedding day and it's really up to the two of you to have the wedding you want. I hope they come round.
x
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dreamaday
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19-01-2011, 10:18 PM
I'm sure they will, whatever they say I'm sure they wouldnt actually miss it, just because they dont like the location!

When your mum calms down a bit, try and explain that its what you are doing that counts, not the location, explain that you still want them there. Its a bit tit for tat, but you could use your dad as your mum has.. wouldnt he be more heartbroken if he couldnt see his lil girl get married at all just because mum is throwing a wobbly!! (prob not he best tactic tho!!)

I think the idea of a big party when you get back is lovely, maybe mum could have more input into that to take the pressue off
x
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bens mum
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19-01-2011, 10:26 PM
your wedding is 1 of the most special times in your life, must be good ive done it 3 times.(ok that was a joke sort of)
have your small wedding. but then let your mum organize her *big special do* and have a renewal of vows (or what ever its called) your mum gets to see u in the big frock ect. all your family get to see you pledge your love and life together.
everyones happy. (oh and u get prezzys as well that way )
we had a small wedding at bury st emunds registry office. we went up there on the back of trikes. escorted by motorbikes. we had 1/2 a bike club there, catcalling and cheering us
we had the reception in the back of a pub. had a fantastic night. my wedding night was spent with a load of the bikers downstairs snoring their head off, ruined any romance lol
we have been wed 11 yrs this year. and will re-do our vows on a beach in the sun somewhere
so what im saying if u2 love each other that strongly where u get wed dont matter. the wedding day is just 1 day. u2 have the rest of your life together.
talk to your mum. yes shes going to be hurt and upset. shows she loves you.
shes the only mum u will have trust me.
and hey we want lots of photos
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Meg
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19-01-2011, 10:29 PM
Hi Lucie
She is basically emotionally blackmailing me, "you've broken your father's heart, you know he's tired, all a father wants is to give his daughters hand away in marriage...I'm so upset I can't talk, what has happened to you(?!)" - she texted me.
I would sit down and talk to your parents calmly.Explain that although you are thinking of changing your plans (due to unavoidable circumstances) you still wish them to be part of your big day, ask if they have any suggestions so that they still 'feel' part of things, you don't have to agree.


I got married by special licence without telling my parents (although my husband had been to see my Father to ask permission) and rang them to say we were married. I had reasons for doing his which I won't go into.

I hope it all turns out well for you...
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akitagirl
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20-01-2011, 07:53 AM
Benzmum, dreamaday and Minihaha, you're all right I do need to have a clam chat with her and explain everything, i think that can only help and will calm her further. She was obviously too upset still to ring me last night (she lives the otherside of the country) and i didn't dare ring her.

I got a text off my dads phone last night, saying "they have never been so upset and basically asking was it my oh's parents that have changed my mind?! . They said they were stressed at the weekend because I had invited my oh's mum to the venue to look around and they didn't think she should have been there.." The whole message was trying to blame my oh and his family!

I replied saying why couldn't they be happy, because I'm happy, i told them "It was mine and Paul's decision! My oh's mum DID have a right to be there as much as them! but because they were paying for this, they obviously felt they had full control. I told them I was going to have the big white wedding for the sake of dad but it got cancelled and this is the only alternative."

Grrrrrrrrrrr!

If it wasn't for my mum's controlling nature I'd be living in Canada, having children and a load of horses anyway away from all this!!!!!!!! But oh no she went mental about that too and threatened to disown me. "How dare I leave her in her old age when she has brought me up". She's not old and she's healthier than me.

I've always waited to get married to do the 'right thing' by them, me and my oh have been broody for years!

I'm sticking to my guns. I'm so upset by this, I haven't slept a wink. Now is the time to stand up to my mum. She doesn't even KNOW that she is controlling, she is always complaining about other people being controlling, is this common in people like this????!
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akitagirl
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20-01-2011, 08:00 AM
Originally Posted by Moobli View Post
My hubby and I got married on top of a hill overlooking the reservoir where we live. We had the registrar and two witnesses. It was perfect for us.

My mum was a bit put out. Not sure she wanted a huge "do" but was a bit fed up that I hadn't invited her and the immediate family etc. However, the fact I had it up here in Scotland, outdoors and, shock of shocks, not in a church (she is Irish Catholic!) she would have moaned about it one way or another any way.

You have to stand firm and do what you want to do. It is your day. It is about the start of your lives together in a lasting partnership - not about a knees up.

I would suggest giving it a little time and then trying to talk to your mum about your decision, and that her reaction is deeply upsetting to you.

Good luck and hugs x
Kirsty your wedding sounds absolutely perfect right now. I wish I had your guts. That's the problem i've never stood up to my mum, my oh has always done what he wants and his mum just goes with the flow, they love each other very much and have a great relationship

I'm going to end up resenting my mum, edit, I already do.
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