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mustards mum
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mustards mum is offline  
Location: Surrey
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09-05-2006, 03:45 PM

Having a bit of trouble, one year on!

Hi All,

I've avoided this forum up to now as just thinking about losing my darling boy is very difficult for me and unfortunately I'm a bit of a cryer

My boy was a 14 year and 9 month old Dobe when I had to let him go and although I have the most delightful dobe pup of 10 months no dog will ever replace the boy I lost. I love my new boy to bits but he certainly hasn't taken the part of my heart that belongs to my old boy just found another bit all to himself!

As we draw closer to Saturday the anniversary of his death I'm finding I'm going to bits again. I'm crying at the most stupid things and times and my loss feels like it was just yesterday.

I've still got his ashes and haven't felt I can scatter or bury them just yet.

I've no idea why I'm typing this I guess I just wanted to tell someone how much I miss him, time doesn't seem to have dulled the pain.

God bless you my darling Saxon, mummy loves and misses you so very much.
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bluemerle lover
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09-05-2006, 04:06 PM
aww bless you having to say good bye is the hardest thing and you just cant accept theve gone there will always be things that remind you of him and this is the hardest bit cry all you want scream from the roof tops your baby has gone and you miss him with all your heart your heart will tell you when your ready to deal with his ashes but just remmber all the great years that you had together no one can take these precious memories from you hold them deep within your heart and when your down just remember he watching you and listening to you and feeling your pain but when your happy he will be happy
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DobieGirl
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09-05-2006, 04:11 PM
I'm so sorry to hear about Saxon. You will never forget him, but time will heal. I hope your OK, Hugs
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Trixy
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09-05-2006, 04:14 PM
It is only natural I really feel for you because loosing something as special as a dog is very traumatic sending you lots of hugs
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Lynn
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09-05-2006, 04:35 PM
It is hard it does get better I lost my Max 4yrs ago in May and I had a cry.
I have his ashes still. I bought a nice box and them and his toys and some photos are tucked away in there with him.I couldn't scatter him because this is not where we intend to stay,when we move to our fnal home I will then scatter him,but can't leave him behind.My Sister and Friends were a little surprised but thats how I feel and there is no shame in that.He will always have his own little corner in your heart,thats fine. (((Hugs)))
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mustards mum
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09-05-2006, 06:17 PM
Argh, hit the wrong button and lost my reply I hope it doesn't turn up as a new thread or tack on the end os someone elses

I just wanted to say thank you all for your kind words, it really has helped to read them.

I've decided not to keep trying to hold my crying in and let myself have a few tears in private when I feel the need rather than bottleing up and then breaking down in huge body shacking sobs because the photocopier broke down

I'm also going to make Saturday a really special day, I'm going to take the new boy out and enjoy him with the thought of Saxon with us. I'm also going to cook Saxon's (and mine) fav dinner and although husband thinks I'm batty he loved that dog as much as I did so it will be great to just be us together.

My over the top feelings did make me realise that those of you that have children are doing them a huge favour by having animals. I grew up in a very cold home with no animals and I have never ever lost someone or something I have loved and been loved by. I think as a result I am totally illequiped to cope! I genuinely find it difficult to grasp that Saxon is gone and nothing I can do will bring him back to me, I know it sounds silly but I even get moments of panic and feel that if only I did something I could make it all right again!!!
Anyhow finished blubbing for the moment and the OH is taking me out for dinner, he says it's the only way he can be sure he will get an unsodden meal

Thank you all again
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Petstalk
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09-05-2006, 06:29 PM
Thoughts are with you. Time is a wonderful healer.

Min xxx
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Trixybird
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09-05-2006, 06:32 PM
Arrr, I have just read your post and really can relate to how you are feeling as I too lost my boy 2 days before Xmas, I really thought my world had come to an end! I couldn't stop crying, I couldn't sleep, and to be honest lost the ability to cope with the simplest chores/tasks.

I too have another dog, exactly the same breed but a different colour, I have called him my old fella's name on numerous occassions and felt so bad. He is loved to death, totally different to my previous dog, but he was our first and he has a large chunk of my heart and always will.

We all cope differently, and show grief in different ways, you are sure to experience this each and every year, but the severity of pain will lighten and hopefully you will remember your dog with a smile.

Enjoy your meal this evening, and if you ever what to blubber, come blubber with me xxx
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Toby
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09-05-2006, 08:49 PM
I too can relate to how you feel, if fact earlier this evening i was looking through some oldish photographs for something, there was quite a few of one of my old dogs Penny. She died 31/2 years ago but it still made me feel a bit strange looking at them, it made me feel as though she should still be here

I have another dog now, our hearts are big enough for every dog we have to have their own special place there Ive had quite a few dogs over the years, but there is plenty space left for more love

i hope you have a really lovely day on Saturday and remember you have your new pup as a tribute to Saxons memory, because of the strong bond and love you had with him.

sorry if thats a bit rambling, but i hope it makes sense.

Take care
xx
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Vicki
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09-05-2006, 08:56 PM
The fact that you are still missing him so, just goes to show what a special relationship you had and what a special boy he was. Time WILL dull the pain, but the length it takes to do so varies greatly. Thinking of you at this very sad time. RIP Saxon. {{{Hugs}}} to you honey xx
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