I need some cheering up, too...

Well, a lot of you may not understand why I am feeling sad, but I'll try to explain as best I can.

Okay, ever since I was very young, I've been going to a certain church with my mom and my brother. Church is very important to me and I have set a huge goal for my life, involving my church. My goal is to find a young man who is a member of the same church and to marry him in a special ceremony involving a temple. I have dreamed of the day that I would meet my future husband, date him, and marry him in the temple. My goal is very important to me.

Well, a little over three years ago, I met my current boyfriend. He is not a member of my church, but I figured I'd just have fun and date him anyways, it wouldn't last. Well, I should have guessed.

Nick and I hit our third anniversary on November 2nd. Yes we are still young but we are very much in love. I truely feel that I can spend the rest of my life with him. He is everything I have ever dreamed of. Except one thing. He still isn't a member of my church and so I would never be able to marry him.

Well, Nick felt so strongly for me that over a year ago he decided to go to church with me one Sunday. He's been going with me ever since, but he was never baptized. He believes in the things the church teaches and he feels that he is ready to be baptized, but there are two things standing in his way.

First is his parents. Nick's parents don't mind him going to church, but they don't like him going to church because they think he is going just to see me. Yes, that was a lot of the reason at first, but now he isn't going just to see me. Actually, a couple of Sundays when I was sick and couldn't go to church, he went with my mom anyways because he still wanted to go. But his parents still don't like it and don't believe him when he tries to explain his reasonings behind church.

Second is something I have come up with on my own. Part of me believes that Nick really does care about the church. Part of me believes that he IS going just to see me. I don't know what I think.

For a long time Nick grew stronger and more involved in the church, I had myself convinced that he would be baptized anytime, then we could get engaged and married when we were old enough.

But now, his parents have put their foot down and won't let him go to church anymore. They say that "he needs to be home more." *sigh* So now the chances of Nick being baptized soon are getting slimmer and slimmer.

Here is why I feel so depressed. I still long for a temple marriage with my future husband. But I still deeply care for my Nick. I'm torn because I don't know if I should still believe that Nick will pull through and eventually be baptized into our church and marry me, or if I should break both of our hearts and leave him because he isn't really the one man I'm looking out for.

I know his parents are making him stay home on Sundays, but a part of me still thinks that he isn't really trying very hard. What I think he is doing is just blowing it off and saying, "well, mom and dad says no, so I won't even bother with anything."

This is so hard to explain, I feel bad. I just don't know what I should do. Nick is NOT a member of the church, like I want him to be. But I care so much for him, I just don't know what to do.

I won't give up my dream and goal of a temple marriage. But I don't want to give up my Nick...

I'm terribly sorry this is soooo long and I know I probably sound like I'm wining or being a big baby. But this is what is bothering me and I'm hoping maybe you all can lend me a bit of advice.

Should I believe in Nick and believe that one day soon he'll pull through and join my church and marry me in the temple? Or should I end our relationship and strive for what I really truely want in a future husband. It is never, ever, ever to early for me to be thinking of these things. It'll come faster than the blink of an eye.

-Tara

I'm not religious so perhaps should not comment but surely someone should 'go to church' because they want to and not because they want something else which they can get if they go..?

He must love you a lot if he's willing to do such a thing however, do you love him the same and would be willing to do the opposite for him?

Besides all that you are too young! You may one day when you grow up find that your beliefs and priorities change - who knows you may even no longer believe in god. (I used to when I was a kid - grew up and now I dont.)

Sorry that you are feeling so stressed and sad.

I am better versed in canine behaviour/psychology than in human behaviour, and I am certainly not religious, but one thing I do know is that anything worth having is worth waiting for. You are both, apparently, very young. Why not let the relationship continue as it is at the moment without putting any pressure on your young man to join your church? Once he is of age then he will be able to decide for himself. At the moment he must do as his parents wish, and it would be unwise of you to try to persusde him to do otherwise. Later he may decide to join the church, or he may not. I see no reason for you not to continue to enjoy his company on the terms set by his parents. You do not need to 'strive' for a husband, you have plenty of time to meet a caring and kind man if your present relationship does not succeed. But be warned - there is no such thing as a perfect husband

Tara sorry that you are feeling sad over this.

I dont think I can say anymore than Azz and Shadowboxer have said already.

Hi Tara
'm sorry you are so sad..

I'm not a religious person, but as the others have said, I dont think Nick would go to church every sunday "just" to be with you. I know I wouldnt......

And as SB says, why not let it continue as it is for now. And some day Nick will decide... Decisions made on pressure - no matter what kind - is never the true ones.

His parents put pressure on him, and so do you in a sense....

Enjoy what you have now....

Sorry I cant be of much help. But good luck.

Jeanette

Fate has a funny way of making things happen the way they're meant to be (at least thats what I believe) If you love Nick then why not enjoy what you have today and let tomorrow decide for itself

I'm not religious, and can only echo what Azz, SB, and Jeanette have said.

But as it is, enjoy what you have, and take tomorrow as it comes.

aa tara its a shame that religion comes between people like this instead of uniting them!!good luck with nick!!

At the risk of this thread getting moved into 'Heated Debates', I would say Tara's dilemma pretty well sums up why i think religion is one of the most divisive and malevolent forces in the world.

What kind, supportive, loving, omnipotent being would want to make an individual so unhappy? And don't even start me on war, famine, genocide etc etc etc.

There are lots of things in our society which aren't so good but, in my opinion, our rapid change from 'if you don't go to church you are bad' to 'if you don't go to church that's not so bad' has been a major plus point. Church hierarchy, if you're not with us you're against us, censorious attitudes used to break up so many families........



By the by, did you hear a news article this last week or two, about a 'God gene', where it seems there are some people who are genetically more disposed to believe in a divine being? Interesting to look at our US cousins and remember their history, from the Pilgrim Fathers, through the Mennonite/Amish movement right up to the Irish potato famine.......all immigrant people, their flight fueled by religious persecution/subjugation.

I'll stay as I am, a happy heathen, trying to do my best in this world, because, sadly or otherwise, I think we only get one shot. Hope I haven't offended anyone terribly. Didn't mean to but neither do I wish to defer to your deities.

All i can say is good luck in whatever you decide tara

Sorry but i cant give any advice, because im not into religion