Diary of a BMW Driver

Diary of a BMW Owner

The other day I was cruising along as usual in my BMW coming onto one of my motorways, which was very busy with inferior cars.

First off, I couldn't believe that the volume of traffic DIDN'T slow down for me AT ALL as I came off the slip road! I had to squeeze into a barely big enough gap between two cars in order to get onto my motorway (The driver of the car behind me did realise his mistake though and honked an apology to me with a long blast of his horn).

Unbelievably, I had to do the same again before I could get to the BMW lane. (Why do underlings use this lane? Surely everyone knows it is for BMW drivers only) Anyway, once I was in the BMW lane and posing along at 110mph enjoying the adulation that the inferior car drivers were giving me, I noticed an inferior car ahead of me which was not only in the BMW lane of my motorway, but was driving at a ridiculous 70 mph.

Naturally, I got to within a foot or so of his rear bumper and flashed my headlights to remind him he shouldn't be in the BMW lane of my motorway and to get out of my way Of course, once he realised it was a BMW behind him, he did just that but I could hardly believe it when he pulled straight back out behind me! He also tried to keep up with me and when he realised I would out-run him, he put on some blue lights in his front grill and urged me to get onto the hard shoulder so that he could congratulate me on my excellent car.

Needless to say, I was eager to oblige and when we had stopped, the man gave me a piece of paper confirming what I already knew - that my car goes fast! Apparently he wants everyone to know what a superior car I have, so I had to take my driver's licence to a Police Station to be sent away to have some points put on! (They're not free points either they're £20 each and I was only allowed 3.) But the man at the Police Station said that because I drive a BMW, it won't be much longer before I earn the full 12 points, and then I won't even NEED a driving licence so they will take it off me!

See, now THAT's the sort of respect you get when you buy and drive a BMW

ETA:-
I know there's at least one BMW driver on here and wish to point out that there's always an exception to every rule and you are that exception

Priceless. (but don't tell H I said that )
I have just called hubby in to read your post, he likes BMW drivers! He let a car out the other day and I said " are you feeling ok? You have just let a BMW driver out!"

No offence to BMW drivers anywhere!!!!!

Brilliant!

Funny. I'll email this to my dad.

Also, if you replace 'BMW' with 'Mercedes' or 'Porsche', it still holds true!

that really made me smile

Lol my hubby drives a BMW & me a Merc - we own the road!!!! but don't have any special points lol.

It's white van man & school run 4 x 4 that gets me mad!!

I had to laugh at that

Thanks Harvey. That really brightened up my morning and took my mind off all the alterations I was telling you about.

Thank goodness for humour LOL

Glad you all liked it, just don't know what poor Helena will think, she's going through a rough time just now so it might make her smile or alternatively put me on her 'ignore' list

That has be in stitches I have forwarded it to my family to cheer them p to

Ndidi