Feeling Very Down - Need a Moan

I'll apologise now for my self-centred, pitifull post, but im just feeling so down right now..

The most recent thing to upset me was losing my poor Jake yesterday. He is my beautiful parrot and i am just heartbroken to have lost him and it looks like it might be my fault I've had a cold for about a week, and the vet thinks he may have had an infection (probably caught from my cold). I had stayed away from the birds mostly, but have had to feed/clean them so i think he may have caught it then. He was just dead in the bottom of the cage last night Kai was not looking far behind last night either, we had to rush him to the vet and they gave him antibiotics and he seems so much better. I've decided not to get any more birds. I've had such bad luck with them and its just heartbreaking to lose them, i cant stand it any more

And then... Probably the worst thing that i've been trying not to think about but has all come up again recently. For anyone who remembers my post about the man i was with.. Well, the worst possible thing i had happened - i was pregnant I didn't tell him cos i dont trust him in any way. I was pregnant when i was 18 and engaged and happy.. I lost that one and then my fiance (who went off with my friend and their now married with a child..) and it was awful. I've known for a while that i probably couldnt have kids. I've had several illnesses that i wont go into that the doctors told me have damaged me so much that i wouldnt be able to carry a baby to full term.. Anyway, the same happened again. I lost the baby, quite soon after i found out, but still it was awful. I saw no point telling the "dad" but he was interrogating me so much over the weekend that i just broke down and blurted it out! He immediately called me a liar and was so unkind. Today he was asking so many questions : how, when, where, who the doctor was etc etc etc. He said he was going to show his friend (who is a doctor and his ex) the texts and see what she said. I c ouldnt believe how unkind and untrusting this man was. I just got so upset with him. I have been through hell and all he can do is interrogate me about it

To make things worse.. The lumps i had checked out a few months ago haven't gone. The doctor said they would She told me it wasn't cancer when she examined me, but i really cant face going through all that again so i've been putting off going back. I know i should, cos she said they should just go.. But i just cant cope with it all

As you can probably tell im feeling really sorry for myself. I had to quit my job a couple of weeks ago due to some comments from my boss which were a bit out of line (im sure you can imagine!!) so i now have no money and nothing to distract me from all the cr*p going on in my life. Im just feeling so down.. I think the only thing keeping me going is my lovely dogs!!! Dont know what i'd do without my babies...

Sorry for the pathetic, unnecessarily long post but i just so needed to vent...

Big Hugs! You are going through a rough patch. I can't possible imagine how you feel but my thoughts are with you. I don't know where abouts in Gloucestershire you are but you are more than welcome to come and visit or I can pop up to see you if you'd like, no obligation of course!
Take care and if you want to chat anytime just pm me.
Becky

Aw chick, you have every right to have a moan
I'm so sorry to hear about everything that has happened words sometimes mean so very little. Men can sometimes be so unkind but it's because they have very little understanding of things especially where loosing babies are concerned He sounds like a meanie that your well rid of to put you through such agony at this sad time

I haven't got any advice, just that I am so terribly sorry
Take care of yourself and get that chin up. xx

Honey,
I'm sooo sorry to hear what you have been going through.
Don't ever apologise for having a rant, that's what we are here for, us dogsey folk have ever listening ears & endless supplies of hugs, tea, wine, biccies just waiting for you, whenever you need them.


Nxx

Hi guys,

Thanks so much for those kind words, its very much appreciated. I only have one friend i can really talk to as 1) i wouldnt feel comfortable talking about some of my friends about it as i'd probably just burst into tears!! and 2) a couple of them have been through similar things so dont want to bring that up for them. I really needed to get it off my chest though so thank you so much for reading it and replying

Me and the guy i was with have now decided to completely leave each other alone which i think its the best idea. I was dealing with it ok, with some help from my good friend who's been so supportive, but he just made me feel as though it was all my fault, or that i was being deceptive or soemthing, which i wasn't. And he was actually discussing it with an ex of his which i thought was very much out of line, i told him it in confidence, i dont want it discussed with his friends!!

He told me i "must" be lying cos he cant have kids. All i know is that i was pregnant and he's the only person it could have been. He's going to get checked out again which is a good thing for him i suppose, but i am just really upset he think i'd lie about this. If he'd taken the time to ask how i was he'd know the hell i've been through with this, and i've never once put any of it on him... I just feel so bad today, he's made me feel like im a really bad person for telling him this

Sorry again for my rants i just have been so down recently and poor little Jake was just too much for me to cope with...

i read your post and wanted to cry,for you.were here for you dont worry and poor jake wouldnt want his mom to fall apart,you were put on this earth for a reason if the reason is not yet clear it soon will be,please look after yourself,and men there more trouble than some of them are worth,

I have pm,ed you hun

Thank you Zoeybeau I can usually put up with men's peculiarities but this one seems to be a bit nasty, and im a little fragile at the moment as well. I'd like myself more if i just stood up for myself and gave as good as he is giving me but i just go to pieces everytime he interrogates me!! Im better off without talking to him at all i think...

Jackie - i have PM'd you back, thank you

I am so sorry to hear your having such a bad time.
You are better off with out him if he is going to go off at you like that.
Hope everything starts to pick up soon.
xxx

Thnaks i couldnt agree more now And he used to be so nice... Men are just such odd things..

Feeling a little better today, could be cos i've been sat out in the garden most of the day drinking martinis Fun!!