Agree with Carole about the rota then as long as you do your part you have no worries. I can see your mums point of view as I have been in this situation. I hated it when their bedrooms were a tip even though I am not houseproud I used to think at least they could keep the house tidy, I was always picking up clothes off the floor and putting them in the wash basket, coming home doing the ironing, seeing a sink full of dishes. It just builds up until you have had enough. You do need to talk to your mum and sort out a rota and if you are giving your mum enough money to cover your share of bills etc. I do hope you can get it sorted with her, as sometimes mums just feel used. Get everything out in the open and things should work out for you both.

yeah - i know your all right - and you have all been in my position before, stroppy teen thinking they knwo best?

im trying my hardest financially, with millie and the horse - i think ive done well for myself with everything - and i might even decide to go work full time now tbh get some money together and move out

Hi Suze....

Believe me I’m not taking sides, but I have on more than one occasion told all three of my kids to pack up and leave if they can’t get their acts together.

From what you have stated you are paying your own way, but doing very little for the house in general without being asked or told, but you eat and sleep there.

You have to remember that your home has to accommodate the both of you, so why are you not doing the equal share of the housework? As I said it is your home, not some hostel where you can just turn up get fed and go out again.

As I have told my kids, the day you break both your hands is the day you can’t wash up after using a cup or plate, other than that wash up what you use.

Don’t leave your rooms looking like a bomb has exploded in it, you wouldn’t like it if the living room looked like that.

I know this is not really want you were expecting to read, but I really can see your Mums point of view. If you can make the mess, you can clear it up again.

You really do have to work together on this one.

Colin

I have had 2 boys living at home one left and came back because of problems in his relationship then he moved out again and came home because there was now work and he could not afford the rent he has left again now and is happy and I hope it stays that way fo his sake as well as mine
He was quite good around the house but like you sometimes needed asking it did wind me up but I would never ask or tell my Boys to leave,the youngest is now saving to leave home and be nearer his work he is much the same as his Brother.
Don't know how old your Mum is but having to work and maybe being a certain age doesn't help I know some days I feel like throwing a real strop with hormones being all over the place.Can you sit down and talk to her and sort things out and as Carole suggested make a rota.
I am sure your Mum is having a bad week or something,try to resolve the isssue you may not think it but you do need your Mum and she needs you.
Hope things sort themselves out.

i totally agree tbh

i see her point of view and respect it but im peed off at the fact she asked me to elave - 3 times!

im going to talk to her tonight and draw up some sort of rota, if something cannot be sorted oout, im going to live with my dad which isnt ideal cos of millie (she'd be on her own) but i woudl still come back and sort out the other 2 dogs and hammys (its not their fault so id always help with them cos i love em 2 bits)

thanks for yor opinions guys, really appreciated, its easier when i dont know you all personally to give me an honest opinion and kno that id never hold it against any of you!

thanks x x

Good Luck tonight Suze hope you can get it sorted even the fact you have the ideas should let your mum see you have been thinking about how to improve things.

Hope you get it sorted

Take care

Maybe she is just as equally peed off at having to ask you to clear up after you or gettting you to help around the house.

Look as you said ,you know what needs to be done, so why not just get on with it and not leave it until your Mum has to tell you and then maybe she wouldn't want to tell you to leave.

Hey hun...years ago it was so much easier for people to just leave their parents home - it's not like that now. The truth is unless you find one hell of a good job you wont be able to. We pay £550 a month rent and we are out in the stix elsewhere it is more. We only just get by because then you've got the bills on top - council tax - phone, electric, water, heating etc etc, food for the critters oh and food for you if you've got any money left lol *sigh*

It might well be worth doing more around the house just because if you think about having your own place there is alot you would have to do to keep it nice and tidy so you should probably treat your mums as you would your own although I know how irritating it can be to be pounced on for not doing something like washing any dishes you dirty cuz sometimes you would do it maybe just not in the prefered time scale! Where as when you live on your own you've only got yourself to annoy if you don't keep tidy...I know it can be a nightmare.

See if you and your mum can work in a bit more together - you do a bit more to help out and she can give you a bit more understanding that you would love to be out on your own but the way things are now a days it just is near on impossible.

I hope things get a bit better for you

P.S: unless you really are horrible lol...she does really need to stop using the 'get out / leave' threat...It can get really stressful especially if you are actually doing quite a bit to help - as you said you do a fair bit of things that she would otherwise need to make other arangements for if you wasn't there...

You guys just need to try to have a good chat - point out the benifits of you being there, add what you will do to make things better on your side and then she also should then make improvements in her relationship towards you. It's a two way street.

It sounds like it is more benificial for you both with you being there so you guys need to sort it out together

I understand how hard it must be to hear this since your Dad is living elsewhere, your Mums words are even more hurtful since you are looking for all the love you can get.
But
it's a two way street, I'm sure she is hurting too and she wants you to grow up to be someone that will not just take but give too. (not saying you do that because you do do alot but one little thing can set a divorced woman off when she is tired. I also disagree that it was easier to move out for some of us olders lol. The pay was terrible and we all lived with some part of the family if we did move out.

I would also advise you not to go to your Dad now and not while you are not getting along with your Mom. If you did this sometime later when things were on a smoother track then I would be all for it. It would be a no win situation for you with either your Mum or Dad. Even Dad would think deep down "she only wants to be here when her Mum doesn't"

And really she does want you it's just words come out sometimes that should not. Give her another chance and try to see her side, get the work schedule figured out and tell maybe you don't always see what needs to be done and you need guidance there. Good Luck to you, you are a dear.