Where does your responsibility end?

Since training to be a counsellor I have changed quite a lot. I am learning to have unconditional positive regard for all people. This means that I believe that every human is inherently good, that sometimes events and circumstances mean that people do bad things, that every person is striving for actualisation, that I should not judge and that I should be wary of giving advice.

I think this has changed my approach to online forums as well. I feel a bigger sense of responsibility now for what I write on forums and how it may affect the person I am writing to.

There have been a few occaisions on Dogsey recently that have made me quite uncomfortable - where people have been judged out of hand without all the facts being made known, where at least one person has been quite hurt by some comments that have been made.

I just wondered where people feel their responsibility for what they write online ends. Do you just call a spade a spade and it doesn't matter how people take it? Or do you think about what you are writing and how it may affect readers?

I'm not judging anyone, I'm genuinely interested. And I would like to ask others not to judge people on this thread also. Just tell me what you think, if you'd like to

I try to be a positive person, but I have had my moments, as you know

thankfuly they are few and far between {I think?}

I do often wonder how others perceive my posts though, hence why I felt the neg reps would be intresting.

Recently I've started re-reading my posts before I submit and thinking to myself 'Am I being judgemental?' 'Am I being helpful?' 'Am I just posting this to be a cow?'

I feel like I try to think more about what I'm posting now than when I first joined.

With the talk about 'internet bullying' I'm really interested to hear how others feel.

I always am aware of what I write and how it might come across. Having been on the other end of hurtful posts etc. I am sooooo aware of what the content of my posts contain.
I try to help, but if I have nothing constructive to say then I think it better to say nothing.
Elaine xx

It is an interesting point, I have sort of mixed feelings.

I always try to be polite and generally these days I don't get involved in 'witch hunts'. But at the same time, I don't think that we can always sit back and not post at all if we disagree with something someone may have done or be about to do. If no-one ever objected to some of the things that are said in posts, it could give the impression that Dogsey members think there is nothing wrong with it.

I think there are two main problems on the more contentious posts - one is that everyone seems to join in - sometimes I think it would be better for one or two members to politely put an argument across rather than everyone jumping in (and I've been guilty of this). The other is that all too often posts get personal and I don't think there is ever any reason for that.

Personally I think its hard one, as I will say what I think, but I do try and think about it from the point of view of ANYOne who may then read the thread, what i mean by that is that if you agree with someone or at least condone behaviour by someone to be kind, as you dont want to hurt their feelings, you may be unwittingly almost saying that the action they have taken/ opinoin they have is therefore acceptable.

What i mean by that is as a hypothetical : a member who posts alot comes on and says they are going to rehome their dog because they are having a baby.... I would respond saying that I dont understand why etc etc and thats its selfish, even if i really liked the person, because i wouldnt want anyone else reading the thread then or at a later date to deem it an acceptable or 2just what you do2 type of behaviour...

Does that make sense?

so i try to post from an overall readers point of view not just the particular person who is posting the question etc etc....

you never know who is reading and who may be helped by information provided so I do believe youhave to be responsible when posting...

I recently posted on a mums board where they were discussng a new puppy that was biting, and so many people came on and suggested pinning the pup down to get it to behave and stop biting. I was horrified and went on and said that it shouldnt be recommended when you cannot see the dog etc and an irresponsible thing to post as advice on dog behaviour online.. I was shot down for it, but I couldnt not post it as it horrified me that people all thought it was ok.

I like to be honest, but can't bear the "brutally honest" approach, you can easily be honest without being brutal imo. Brutality helps no one!

I think responsibility wise you have a responsibility to try and be helpful, but you have to remember that someone somewhere will take offence whether it was intended or not, but in the same vein that doesn't give you an excuse to be offensive just because you can.

Basically I go through life trying to treat others as I like to be treated myself, not always easy sometimes admittedly!

Its difficult because people do not always read as intended...or what is written does not always come out as intended.

I often try and just read what I have written without any inflection (does that make sense) to see how someone else might read it.

I am very guilty of fast typing though....I am so often in a hurry for one reason or another and write hastily - it often seems to make sense at the time but then when I read it back later I think my thoughs made sense but what has ended up on the screen is a load of rubbish!

I will also often start to reply or write on a thread then stop....usually it is in the more 'volitile' threads.

I try very hard not to be judgemental in my writing...but I have a feeling it probably slips in sometimes when I have strong feelings towards somthing

I think at times I may be guilty of not thinking of people's feelings enough when I post...and occassionally posting because I am annoyed with what has been said. I try hard not to post when I am annoyed or upset, as I think that when I do my posts don't say quite what I would like them to say.

I do however feel at times, it is right to post your thoughts, even if you disagree...example...if someone was thinking of buying an ecollar etc. I would then have to speak up.
There are ways of speaking to people though, sometimes, on the more contentious threads, it can get nasty and I do try to stay away from those threads now.

So it is ,I think, like everything in life, a balance...trying to treat people with respect, yet maintaining your own principles and ideals. It can be hard to do, but I think that the vast majority of people on here manage it. I often disagree with people on here who I consider to be friends...but those people are able to maintain the balance, interestingly a lot of them have already posted on this thread...and they are people who have also taught me a great deal.

Me too, most of the time.

But if someone really passes the buck, or tries escaping blame or something like that, or if it's something I feel particularly strongly about, I won't hold my tongue. Sometimes people need to hear the harsh side, I have received it myself and I know fine well lol.