Divorce advice...

Hi everyone, really need some advice for a friend, don't want to say too much on a public forum as anyone could be lurking but wanted to put it here rather than the sponsors' only section as I thought I might get more advice here and I need all I can get!

To cut a long story short, my friend (let us call him Mr A) has been scammed by his wife (Mrs A) out of over 100k. They have been married for about 14 years now I think and Mrs A has always handled the money, the bills, savings, shopping, everything. Just recently, Mr A became aware that Mrs A had debts of over 100k, including a loan for 60k, various credit cards - one owing over 15k, another loan for 30k, late fees and unpaid bill coming out of her ears, court orders, all sorts. Her wage is less than half of what she had told him it was, he had never seen a payslip of hers 'til very recently, of course with her being his wife he never thought to contest her wage and just believed she was being paid what she told him she was being paid! The company car is not actually a company car - they are having to pay it off themselves and it is not a cheap car, the company she works for only paid a small % of the cost (apparently, not that anyone can believe a word that comes out of her mouth), he thought they had over 50k in savings, turns out she had faked the bank statements she showed him. They cannot meet the bills each month, (well he, she STILL isn't fussed at all about the mess they are in, refusing extra work e.t.c. because 'she works enough as it is'), he's making himself ill with worry as he knows he cannot afford the bills and monthly payments off the loans/cards e.t.c., he has took up extra work to make ends meet but Mrs A is still mulling about without a care in the world, happy that he is doing all this extra work to pay of her debts and not doing a thing herself aside from her normal job, which isn't enough! Why should he do all of the hard work to pay off her debt?

The thing is now, he's starting to tire of it, he is the most placid man on the planet and will do anything for anyone, he has stayed with his wife through things I won't go into great detail on, but various situations which the vast majority of people would have just walked out on, physical abuse, mental abuse, she even lied about having cancer, and he is really at the end of his tether. I know he doesn't really want to leave her but he has been looking into 'what if', what would happen if he did divorce her.

So that's what I need advice on.

What would happen with all of the debt? Would he be left with half of the debts to pay if they got a divorce? He has never signed for anything that he knows of, unless she has somehow tricked him into signing, (saying it was for something else?) otherwise all of the cards and loans are in her name. The house in in both names and the big loan is joined to the mortgage (90k), so that may be in both names, he remembers a year or so ago that someone came to the house to value it and they were changing mortgages and combining their life insurances and thing all with the mortgage to get a better deal, he signed for that - stupidly trusting his wife and what she said, he never questioned her, she persuaded him it was a better deal and he let her get on with it and now thinks it was actually the 90k loan she got him to sign for. Obviously had he known he never would have but that's too late now.

He still doesn't know who's name all of these debts and things are in as she is being very cagey and hiding all of the paperwork from him at her office. I have said he needs to find out what is what with every single penny and who owes it, him, her, or both of them, but I have no idea what would happen if they got a divorce. He really doesn't want to loose the house as that is all he has and what he has spent his life working towards (they had it built) but in reality he couldn't afford to buy her out so he could keep it, especially if he is left with half of her debts to pay.

What are the rules about selling the property? Is there any way he could sell it to someone he knows, his parents for example, for a 'good price' if you know what I mean? If she left it up to him to sell. Or does it need to be on the market for a certain time, are you even allowed to sell it to friends and family in those circumstances? Is there anything else he could do to be able to keep the house?

Sorry for the really long post but i'm really worried now as he is becoming really down and he doesn't know what to do about any of it and I don't really know what to suggest anymore.

Any advice at all greatly appreciated, thanks.

oh random...im glad he is starting to think about leaving that evil cow! he can sell the house but needs her to be able to sign for it too so she will need to know... if a member of the family "bought" it he could then get a credit reference done on his name...this would show any debts in his name..he can then pursue this if he didnt sign.....then he can kick her sorry ar*e out !! he needs to speak to a solicitor once he knows what is in his name...

tell him to contact equifax or experian for a credit check cost about £10 i think then he will know what he is dealing with as i wouldnt trust her to tell him the right time!

Kel,
My one and only piece of advice is persuade him (If you can) to see a divorce lawyer immediately. Today if possible!!

Yes, I know they charge, but what you have described is potentially so complicated I really don't think there is any other way.

Sometimes the first meeting is free, but even if not, and even 'tho I try not to get involved with the legal fraternity if possible, this is one case where they are the only way forward.

Excellant advice from Alex and I believe you only have to provide a name & post code and it's all done.

Thank Alex, I will tell him about the credit check, will that come up with the things in joint names too or just his name do you know? Should be everything i'd think? Cheers.

Thanks Losos that's exactly what my mum said, some give 30 min free I know that but I think he'll need substantially more than 30 mins and I am not exaggerating here when I say he cannot even afford a loaf of bred at the moment, ever penny is gone before it is earned on bills and repayments. I have been offering for weeks now to lend him some money myself but he is not having it. He won't even let me top up his mobile for a tenner, I don't know what else I can do, he says he doesn't want to drag me into the mess. As for even getting out of the house for the 30 mins, that's another story, he's never been anywhere in 13 years.

What a mess and what a worry for your friend.

If he goes to

www.creditexpert.co.uk

If he has never registered before he can get a free credit check, it asks you to enter payment details to carry on with the subscription, which might not be a bad idea in this case as it alerts you every time a check is done on your credit file, or any time credit is issued in your name.

But as long as you cancel before the end of your free trial no charge is made.

Even the free report is quite detailed it tells you when the credit was applied for when it was authorised and how many if any defaults are on payments for each and every debt and also wether the debt is joint or single names and the type of debt eg secured loan, overdraft, credit card, mortgage etc

Definitely worth a look I'd say.

Hope he gets it sorted SOON

How awful, I would divorce straight away

Thank you that is a great help. x

my friend was in the same situation,he left everything to her thought he was ok then he found out that his house was in foreclosure,he had 3 credit cards none of which he signed for a bank loan that he didnt sign for his credit was down the toilet
he divorced her and he had to pay off everything and lost his house

ok if the loans etc are in her name then they are hers she can't amke you pay for any of them. if she has done them in your name and there is paperwork sighned get it checked and if she has signed them not you then she is in **** hun .... get advice asap no matter the out come find out what you can do now before it gets any worse.


good luck.