Will It Get Easier?

I know I'm being a wet blanket and I really do try and pull myself together, but I still have so many bad days when I can't stop thinking about my darling dogs, I know that they are all really happy in their new homes, possibly happier than they were when they all lived with me, but I miss them so much that it still feels that I've had a hole ripped through my heart. Just recently I've been dreaming about them, especially the ones that have just gone to the bridge, its as if they are back with me and I feel comfort for a while, but am sad when I wake up and realise it's just a dream.

I've been updating my website and looking through old photos of when we were all together, it breaks my heart to look at them but I can't help myself. I know I'm so much healthier now, Clive says I would probably have died if I had stayed in Lincolnshire with my illnesses and no heating or hot water, and I'm very happy with Clive and my lot, but I just miss the dogs so much but not my life when I was with them, if that makes any sense.

It will be a year next month that Fabian, Gracie and Tawny, the last of them to be rehomed went to live with Joan and Steve, who only live a few miles away now that we have moved. I'm off to see them all today and I spoke to Joan and Steve on Wednesday and they both said that they adore having them there and that they have become their lives, they don't know what they would do without them.

I know that they have a wonderful life, plenty of company during the day, lots of lovely walks, a real fireside home with furniture they're allowed to sleep on etc., a home just like the others went to, and I know I can't have them back, even if I were in a position to I wouldn't do it, they are all settled and love their new mummies and daddies, brothers and sisters, they make a huge fuss of me when I visit, but they are happy to stay where they are when I leave, another thing that gives me comfort...that I made the right decision on the new homes.

Clive keeps asking me if I'm happy and I am, happier than I've ever been, but I have to be honest and tell him that I miss my babies, even though I have my big teddy bear here with me, who is a huge comfort to me, there just seems to be a piece still missing in my heart. I tend to go into a bit of a dream at times and he tells me he knows I'm thinking of the dogs and he wishes he could help me, but there's nothing he can do, he has already told me we can have a pup when I'm ready, but I just can't do it, not when I parted with the others, it would feel like I was replacing them. As much as I would love to have a pup as I'm so broody, I just can't

Any suggestions? I know I should grow up and pull myself together, but it is easier said than done sometimes.

Will it get easier? Probably not if I'm honest because you will always go through stage of feeling loss for them. You were their Mummy and they meant so much to you.

What you will find is that the period between these stages, where you feel happy and content will be longer and longer.

Lots of love and looking forward to an MK walkies one day xx

You're grieving hun, for the babies you lost (even though they are still alive, if that makes sense) that's all. There are no rules to how long you should feel this way befor the cloud starts to lift. Just take your time, and you will know when the time is right to introduce a new pup into your lives. It's lovely that Clive has been converted too! And you should feel proud that you did what was totally the right thing for your babies and that they are loved.

Thanks Em xx We're up for the walk whenever you're next in the area

I think that's it, a mixture of grief and guilt because I didn't give them the forever home that I always intended. I'm so impressed with Clive being converted, I knew that he wasn't a bad person, just hadn't had the experience that a dog in the family brings..he wouldn't be without Leon now and that makes me very happy.

I know I did the right thing for my babies at the time, and in my heart I still feel that way as I couldn't look after them the way I always had, but I suppose I feel a bit ashamed and that I let them down in some way.

Thank you for your kind words xx

Sheree Babe,

I don't know your full story but life is full of decisions that we either regret, if only's or have no control over which we question ourselves constantly but you shouldn't beat yourself up over them. At the time you were deciding what was best for everyone and you need to look at the all positives that have come out of your decisions.

1) You are now feeling healthier than you were.
2) You are now in a very loving stable relationship.
3) You are much happier than you have ever been.
4) You have the support of a Partner who from what you write loves and adores you.
5) You have given Fabian, Gracie and Tawny a forever home with Joan and Steve knowing that they have all the love and care that they can have.
6) You can still see them when ever you like and get lots of cuddles and licks.
7) Remember all the good times you had with your darlings that have gone over the bridge . . . those memories will stay with you forever.
and Last but not least you have your Leon who adores you and looks forward to seeing you every time he see's you.

It will get easier with time hun . . . .

I hope I have helped you ?

x x x x x x x

Aww thanks Shane, you're right that I should look at the positive things in my life these days, and I am normally a very happy, bubbly person...I probably shouldn't have looked at all the old photos

Thanks very much xxxxx

You should always look at old photos hun they are of happy times . . . . .

I don't think many people take photos of sad occasions . . !!!

x x x x

What a great post
I hope Shane has helped you Sheree.
I'm sure what you are feeling is only natural and I really hope that things do get easier.
Thinking of you xx

Thanks Jenny xx

Never mind Sheree, Shane's helped me!! ;o)

Sheree, you look at those photos and when you do you thik these thoughts:

a) aren't they gorgeous

b) didn't I do well and

c) isn't it nice to know how happy they are

x