My mum, RIP 2nd March 2001

My mum was a fantastic warm and friendly person. The kettle was always on and everyone was always welcome. She had an infectious laugh and a great sense of humour. She died much too soon and never got to meet our little Megan (nor did my dad).

Well it's exactly 6 years ago today when I had to make the hardest decision of my life when I had to five permission to turn my mother's life support machines off. I will never forget the sight or sounds of that day.

Mum died that day at only 66 years of age. She had been reasonably fit up until the weekend when she was admitted to hospital after severe vomiting, temp and so on. My cousin who is a senior consultant anesthetist in Canada told us by her symptoms it was serious. He thought she had an obstruction in her bowel, and if this was the case she would need an urgent operation to remove it. Anyway days went by and numerous tests were eventually given. A central line was put in place. We were due to go on Holiday for a week to Lanzarote. I told mum I wasn't going but she told me not to be daft and after talking to her consultant we were assured all was well, and off we went. I telephoned the hospital everyday as I didn't feel that things were right, except for the day before we were due to fly back as I knew that I couldn't get back home any sooner.

The flight back home for me was awful, as I found that I just could not breath at all, and required oxygen. Anyway we got home but it was evening by then and too late to visit. As our eldest daughter actually had an interview at the same hospital for nurse training the next morning we decided we would go with her and visit mum then (if she wasn't home by now).

Anyway imagine our shock when there we bumped into my two brothers...just leaving as mum was in intensive care. They had finally decided 17 days after being admitted that it was a bowel blockage and operated the exact time that we had been flying home. Apparently mum was having difficulty breathing after the op and so they took her into the ICU, just to help her for a couple of days.

She was lying there all wired up, sedated but I'm certain she knew that we were there. As the days progressed she steadily got worse and worse needing more and more equipment. Three further operations were performed on her to remove the dead flesh around the wound site. In fact by the end she had no visible outer stomach at all. The bowel had died away and necrosis had set in. For weeks I stayed with her massaging her, talking to her and so on. My poor dad was just to distressed and didn't visit until a couple of days before she died (at my insistence).

Anyway she was suffering multi organ failure by now and that morning I had to agree to let them turn the machines off. I will never forget the sound of her heart racing a little or the sight of her turning blue in front of me and it is something I hope I never have to do ever again. I sat holding her hand until she died and then had to go and tell my dear old dad. They had never been apart in their lives up until then.

Anyway sorry to ramble on and apologies to those whose threads I've answered tonight as my mind has been else where. I'm just hoping that by writing this down I may just be able to finally move on.

Thanks all for 'listening'

Sorry you lost your mum so young, Kath. Mine was only 60 when she lost her life to stomach cancer in 1989.
It's very sad
Big hug honey xox

Sorry for the loss of your mum

i lost my dad 5 years ago (he was 68 ) and am still not over it
doubt i ever will be, like you i cared for my dad in the hospital and never left his side for 5 days
i popped home on the sunday evening to get a shower and change of clothes, my sister and brother took over for me, i had not been in the house 20 minutes and got the call to say he had gone
it broke my heart as i felt he waited for me to leave because he knew i was the weakest one and would not have coped well, but i felt like i let him down

my deepest thoughts are with you hun
and if you wanna chat anytime we can

take care

xxxxx

Thoughts are with you.
Are mums are such special people.

My mum lost my grandmother suddenly at a young age, I was only 18 moths old. They were very close. The journey has been very painful but time became a healer.

Oh that is so sad, Im so sorry you lost your lovely mum so young. You must of gone through hell during that time. I imagine the pain is still as intense as it was then, I just hope that time is helping to heal the hurt you obviously still feel.
I hope you manage to make it through today okay, I imagine its going to be a tough one for you.
Big hugs & all the sympathy in the world sending down your way. x

So sorry for your loss

{{{hugs}}} to you Kath X

I'm sorry to hear of your loss. Having to make that decision must have been very difficult. I lost my mum on the 29th February 2000 to ovarian cancer, she was 57. My dad died a mere 4 years later to pancreatic cancer aged 74. The way I see it is that they aren't suffering anymore. Dying of cancer is not a nice way to go and I wouldn't wish it in my worst enemy.
Thinking of you.
Becky

my partnters dad passed away 2yrs ago this month.
he had lung cancer and unfortunatly spread
he passed 5 days after his 54 bday.
it still hurts just thinking about toby.
my heart goes out to u xxx

Hugs to you and your family, you must have some lovely memories of your mum. Mine died when I was only 6 yrs old and I only have a few memories of her, I can only remember her being poorly, she had breast cancer. My brother was only a baby when she died, she refused treatment for Terry's sake and in those days there were no other options. I have a lovely brother though who I love dearly. You must treasure every single memory of your mum and treat this day as a celebration of her life and not an anniversary of her death. God Bless.