I value myself, but have been intimate with guys that I haven't been in a relattionship with.
Guess what, my Mum knows about that too! She never did it, but recognises that i'm not her, and live my own life!
I'm a young adult, i've always been careful, but had fun too!
Doesn't mean I don't value myself!

I think only you can decide what you're comfortable with and that's the decision you have to make Becky

Ok, well tbh I would be very surprised, and disappointed, if any sex was going on as he is only 16, and although you may say, it happens, this is Charlie we are talking about who has been bought up to have respect for himself and others..... and before anyone starts about 'respect' I'm not having a pop at anyone was sexually active at that age.

This is his second girlfriend.... and I guess he's been with her since the summer holidays.

I def wasn't doing anything at 16 (am 39 now so was 16 in '85 and can remember one girl at school getting called allsorts because she was) and although I know 'it goes on' that doesn't mean I have to show approval or enable it.
If it turns out they are going to be a long term thing then I would feel differently but at the mo no.

I am also quite shocked at the 'it's going to happen so I would rather it went on in a warm bed under my roof' as that doesn't make it right.
My MIL gave my hubby marajuana at the age of 7 for exactly the same reason.... that wasn't right either. Like saying he's probably going to drink or smoke so I'll just give him a safe place to do it.

Charlie and I have very close relationship, don't forget his father is dead and I had to nurse him through that operation so have seen it all and we have always talked about sex, wet dreams, std's the lot.

He hasn't mentioned it since just wanted people's opinions so thank you.

I am so in agreement with everything you have said in your post. I was beginning to think I was on my own here, with these views. I am 43 and, like you, when I was a teenager girls didn't get intimate with boys they had only been seeing for a short time. If they did, they lied about it and kept it very quiet indeed! Like I said before, if my Daughters choose to be intimate with boys before they have been in a steady relationship, there is nothing I can do about that but to condone that by saying they can sleep together in my house, is sending the message (in my opinion) that you are okay with their actions.

I too, have very in-depth discussions with my girls about boys, sex and everything that goes with it (like std's, etc) and they are adamant that they won't be getting intimate with any future boyfriend until they've been with them for a sufficient amount of time and know that they have a good relationship ahead of them, as they don't want to have "a bad name" like several of the girls at school who experiment with boys and of course the boys make it common knowledge.

It was interesting to see all the views on this subject but I haven't changed my mind on my position with my kids when they have partners.

Can you tell me what you would consider an "acceptable" length of time to be involved with someone before becoming intimate with them? Or would you consider it to be more relevant as to how they felt about one another and what the boyfriend or girlfriend is like? I'm purely curious, and I've found this thread really interesting to follow.

I've had a few discussions of a similar nature with my colleagues over the last couple of days, and one lady is in her forties and has been with her parter for almost twenty years (and has three children) but her parents won't permit her to share a bed with him when they visit, because they're not married and have no intention of marrying, which seems a bit extreme, but likewise I can understand your concerns about teaching your daughters about intimacy.

I don't think I could put an exact amount of time on it, to be honest. I certainly would not consider a boy sleeping over in one of my Daughter's rooms for many months into their relationship and only then if I deem their relationship to be a loving relationship that is going somewhere. Any future boyfriend of my Daughters will have to prove himself to be a very decent human being before I (and my Husband) allowed him to sleep over, let alone in my Daughter's room!

As for the situation you describe above, I can only imagine that the parents of the 40-somethings must have some problem with the Partner or that their religious beliefs stop them from condoning "sex before marriage" - either way, it's quite a strange situation.

I too, have found this subject really interesting. I do seem to be in the minority in my views but I wonder how many of the more liberal parents have Daughters? My Cousin has three boys and she allows their Partners to sleep over in their rooms, regardless of how long they've been together. It is interesting to note that the girlfriends of their Partners are not allowed to have my Cousin's boys sleep over! My Cousin thinks it is in order so long as she provides condoms, which she has done since before her boys were sixteen My Cousin is in her forties, like me but her view is "if they are gonna do it then let them do it responsibly" but tbh I so hope that my girls' future boyfriends parents have very different views to my Cousin. I also have a boy, who is only 7 (so haven't really thought about him having girlfriends over, as it's such a long time ahead) but I can assure you that before I ever allowed any girlfriend of his to sleep over (whilst they were teenagers) in his room, I would have a frank discussion with the girl's parent.

This is an interesting subject. I am only 19 and i wish i could go back in time with intamicy. (sp). I have never had a boyfriend sleep over my house, let alone my bed! I could not have sex in my parents house with them there, that would be disgusting.

If i could go back in time i would still have been a virgin now. I had my first boyfriend at 15, when i turned 16, he wanted us to 'experiment', he was 19 and i know he wanted to have sex before i was 16, but i didn't let him. We were together for 2 years, i used to stay at his house, his parents weren't there very often. It ended horribly, i found out that from the first day we met he had been sleeping with other girls. I was an emotional wreck for what seemed like ages. He meant the world to me.

After him, i think i let my gaurd down, because i had 3 partners and they all let me down once sex was introduced. I thought all men were like that.

I have now been with my new boyfriend for 6 months and i wish he had been my 'first'. We didn't have sex until 3 months into the relationship.

The point i am getting at, is in this day and age sex is everywhere, kids are doing it earlier every year, and it disgusts me of the amount of parents that think it's ok, in their own home!!!

When i have children they will be brought up to respect themselves, learn about contraception early, be taught that sex should only happen when you are serious about each other, not just a few weeks of 'fun'. There are to many youngsters out there having kids, have std's and their kids are going to grow up the same.

I couldn't agree more! It is a shame you learned the hard way Lurcherlover . At least you are over that now and have what sounds like a gentleman for a partner. I just hope my girls meet men like him when they are older. I would hate to think of their emotions being messed with for "fun"! I think my Daughters would feel like you, that they couldn't be having sex in the house when their parents are there!

Hope things work out for you and your present Partner, sounds like you deserve each other. We all have to "kiss" a few frogs before we find our "Prince" - lol

We have 3 teenage daughters and 1 teenage son.

I think things have definitely changed relationship-wise... my sister was brought up in a Catholic family, to have respect for herself, happy, does well at school, and she slept with her boyfriend of 9 months at the age of 14, he was 16. This was totally without my parent's knowledge, to this day they think she's still a virgin and he was never allowed to stay the night in her bed. She was too scared to ask them to go on the pill because she thought they'd be disappointed, which seems would be the reaction of the a few parents on here, and came to me instead. I made the appointment, sorted her out, all behind my parents back.

I think people underestimate the amount of young people who are having sex & are in relationships of 6 months +. As a person of this age group, I think a lot of you would be shocked. At the age of 16, it's definitely common-place in my college. If there's a relationship of 6 months or more, it's pretty likely they've slept together. Perhaps it might be worth having a chat about condoms and the like, as you have such a good relationship with him & that way you won't be worried as much. Then if he brings it up again, you know what's going on.