Up until I had my daughter 31 years ago I would get up on anything.....and I mean anything; I never even considered being frightened and loved every second that I was in the saddle. I rode loonies, and had loonies in my stables.

When I went back to riding when my daughter was a couple of years old, this is what happened:

I mounted. I froze. I was terrified, and could barely even walk on let alone trot or anything else. I had totally and utterly lost my confidence and it was a horrible feeling. When the poor horse started to jog sideways a little, I think that I jabbed it in the mouth

I would love to say that eventually I totally regained my confidence, but I never did. However, I dealt with it (because I couldn't contemplate not riding at all) by ensuring that I only every rode sensible and "safe" horses, and in fact bought one of these models. I jumped small jumps on days when I was feeling good, and progressed slowly to bigger ones again - the feeling of achievement was far greater than at any time pre birth of daughter!! I had lessons in a school with a sympathetic friend/teacher, and she never pushed me when I felt nervous........this is the most important thing because with riding being falsely brave just does not work on the whole.

I would lie awake at night, determined to do this that and the other on my horse the following day.........and then wake up to find that there was a brisk wind blowing; all my resolve would vanish and I would go shopping instead Fortunately, a day or two without exercise did not affect my chap in the slightest!

Everyone is different, but I do think that there may be two types of riders.........the sort that you see and read about (eventers/show jumpers/hunters etc.) that have horrific accidents and at the very first chance are back out there again with not a qualm or worry; and the rest of us who have a self-preservation gene!!!

I would say that if you just want to enjoy your riding, then don't push yourself; make sure that you are never "over horsed"; on days when you feel frightened, just walk and trot (even just walk if you want); if the ride is going well, then go for the canter or small jump.

Finally, don't worry about it; don't think "I should be able to do this or that" because it doesn't matter in the end. What matters is that you enjoy climbing up into that saddle and don't tense up the minute you are there. Just go out for gentle hacks if you want to, with a steady horse in front if possible.

As I said, I never did fully get my confidence back and now riding is not really possible because of back troubles....BUT, by not pushing myself and by riding a relative plod, I was able to really enjoy myself for many years (as long as it wasn't too windy!!! )

Good luck.

Wow, thank you! Your post has really inspired me and I feel that I am not alone!

I have experienced most things you have said and it's nice to know someone knows how I feel.

As I have said all along, my RI is brilliant! If I am totally not wanting to canter, she is fine but when she can see that I don't really mean it, she will push me a little bit.

One of the reasons I have had a bit of a rethink about getting my own, is if I lose confidence, it will be harder to get back on, on my own. Lots of other reasons as well but that is certainly on the list.

Thank you soooooo much!

Helen

To put it simply, horses are potentially very dangerous animals so it would be unnatural not to have some fear or thought in the back of your head about this. It's totally normal to lose your confidence and get it back!

I've had 3 falls and the last one I badly broke my wrist, had to have surgery to put temporary pins in it and stayed in hospital for 5 days and had to have 3 months off work.

Naturally I lost my confidence after that - but I got straight back in the saddle as soon as I could, although I rode a different horse to start with to ease me in and build me up. To start with I was scared to even trot with stirrups, by the end of it I could canter without them and was loving it!
I think what helped me was riding different horses so I knew I had to be constantly alert and couldnt get complacent, using some rescue remedy/homepathic drops - placebo or not I think it helped! And having my instructor understand how I was feeling and backing me all the way.
My confidence wavers now and again, but I'm human, not a robot, so I see that as perfectly natural.
I recently found a Kelly Marks book about confidence when riding and so far it seems really good, maybe check it out?
Good luck!

Thanks, I'll have a google for tha book. I do take rescue remedy before I go and I think that sometimes helps.

Nice to hear your experiences as it does put me at ease and know it's not uncommon.

Helen

Thought I would update this as it's been 2 months.

I have had some major wobbles but we have put it down to a fear of cantering. I have had some really rubbish lessons and yesterday morning, I was having a real wobble and considering ringing the stables and saying I didn't want to go!

However, I went and had a FAB time. I was actually jumping and loved it! Not massive jumps but she put them up a couple of times. I did loads of trotting to start off with, and then we went over the trotting poles and then she asked if I wanted to jump. I had told her about my wobble and she said we didn't have to canter and I think I just relaxed and enjoyed it

We discussed it all and she is going to have me on the lunge next time (she isn't there next week so have to wait 2 weeks), to see if that will help.

Before the lesson, I was really despondant and even wondering if I wanted to carry on but I'm really pleased I didn't quit I am sure I will have lots more ups and downs but I had a much needed positive lesson yesterday.

Helen

Oh well done Helen, that's great news!

Yes, definitely get her to put you on the lunge, you won't believe the confidence it can build up, because you won't have to worry about what the horse is doing, he can't go anywhere, so you can concentrate solely on getting a good seat and positiion. I used to love my lunge lessons especially for jumping! My RI used to make me hold a whip in both hands horizontally in front of me, instead of the reigns (I was allowed to grab the mane only in a dire emergency!) and I learned to jump properly by doing it this way without jabbing my horse in the mouth. I was once told by a top notch showjumping instrcutor that I had "beautiful hands" and I have!

Carry on enjoying it and your confidence will just build and build.

Thank you. I was so chuffed after the lesson and it was a well needed boost.

Not sure about not holding the reins though lol

Helen

Another update - has it really been a month :0

Over the past few weeks, my confidence when cantering has got a lot better. I started off with only a few steps, and yesterday, drum roll.....I cantered from one corner, round another and then another. I then started laughing and got the giggles and had to stop. I was just so pleased with myself. I was riding Chance and she does take a bit to get going and she did start to slow down in the middle but I got her going again. My riding instructor said she is a bit slow for me now and suggests I ride another pony. She suggested Molly, who is a dales pony and is where my confidence issues started as she spooked and I fell off! It took a long time to get back on her and have a lesson on (although I did get right back on after falling off), but when I did, I enjoyed it, so looking forward to riding her.

It has been one hell of a journey and I've had a lot of comments about why am I continuing if it stresses me out so much. On the other hand, I have had masses of support from OH, and my riding instructor.

My sister took a couple of photos of me yesterday:





Helen

Well done you for sticking to it! I have seen so many people walk away and regret it later, as after they stopped ridding for a long time when the fear hits they never ride again.

I have had moments of fear myself, with me nothing bad had happened just a sudden FEAR. And that scared me, not the thought of falling (I have been riding since I was a little little kid, have a lot of experience training and backing youngsters so have had a lot of falls that never scared me) then one day while climbing up on my old super well broke never put a hoof wrong horse I got the fear grip on me. I pushed through and over came it and now back to riding anything again. Actually today met a horse I am going to start working with, he has done a lot years ago but has been out at grass for several years doing nothing so needs ground work (has bad manors) and re-backing.

You will get there if you keep going, I find forcing a yawn will help you to relax as well, it is impossible to be tense and yawn! So there is another trick you can try.

Thanks. I know if I walk away, that would be it and I just love it so much when it's going well.

I would love to be able to "work" with a horse but doubt I will ever get that far.

I will definitely force a yawn! lol. I do sing, which helps. It was a take that song on Friday lol.

Helen