Very true!

Steve and I were planning on having kids in the next 2 years.......but after my treatment theres a 95%+ chance I will be infertile.
We've decided after a year or so I will come off the pill (it gives my body chance to recover), and if I get pregnant, great - if not - there are other options (we've discussed adoption)


Iso forgot to mention that Mum & Dad had just got on the adoption list when Mum fell pregnant with Iso.
They were told to stay on the list incase anything happened, but luckily it didn't, and they had my sis and were happy - came off the list. 3 years later Mum fell pregnant with me!

I was 24 when I had Gary, not really planned, infact me and my first husband said we'd wait till we were early thirties, but these things come along don't they

Steven again unplanned but I was 26......

But I really feel that someone upstairs must of been watching over me as when I was 4 months pregnant with Steven, they picked up that I had cervical cancer and wanted to abort, we decided to continue, come what may.

Once Steven was born I underwent a total hysterectomy and chemo...luckily I surived and had two boys to show for it Think Mother nature ewas telling me not to wait....if i had I would of been childless

Pidge if you decide to go for it there are certain things to do beforehand such as taking folic acid etc to give the baby a better start........You can get it from most supermarkets as a pre natal tablet.

See, this is the thing that bugs me... I know you will never be 100% certain/ready/organised to have a child, and that money isn't the be all and end all of it

But for me, the fact that we won't be able to fund a basic lifestyle - e.g. mortgage and utility bills, if I have a baby IS the absolute be all and end all.

People keep telling me, "Oh, it'll all sort itself out", but I don't see how.

If I haven't got £1,000 a month for the mortgage (yes, that's how much it is) then we can't put a roof over our baby's head. I can deal with scrimping and saving for food and clothes etc, but we honestly and truthfully wouldn't be able to keep the house and pay for electric and water etc.

That's why I'm so sceptical about people saying that we'll manage financially.

I was 22 when I had my first and 26 when I had my second and I lost a baby in between Mark and Michael.
for both of us personally it was better having our children young as we now have our freedom back and have done for a few years but if we had of waited I am sure things would of turned out just as well it all depends on your circumstances at the time.

We did have a rough patch financially when Gorden decided to return to college full time and Mark was 3 and I was pregnant with Michael we were renting from the Council and he did get benefits while on holiday and there was a grant then for students also so that was a big help. He also worked in his holidays gardening, waiting tables etc., it was hard and we did struggle but I would say financially it is much harder for people now.

You have to do what is right for you and go with your feelings not what other people say or think.

You have to find a balance, and accept you can't have everything you want the way you want it. Life is full of compromises. For me, I wanted children but couldn't afford to stop working as I was the higher earner. I liked my job which is probably just as well because if I'd hated it life would have been a lot more difficult. I didn't expect to get pregnant straight after coming off the pill but I did. No sooner had I stopped taking the pill than I was pregnant, no break, no time to change my mind eek I also had a 30 mile commute into work every day to contend with. I persuaded my sister, the earth mother of the family, to become a registered childminder and to have my son when he arrived. I also paid her the going rate. She didn't actually live anywhere near where I lived or worked so that added another 30 mins at least to my commute time, but it gave me complete peace of mind where child care was concerned. I went back to work full time when my son was just 10 weeks old. After a couple of years I did move both closer to work and to my sister, although the mileage was less the commute was about the same. I worked flexi time but still couldn't take him to school or collect him. I did make the effort to take days off etc for all important events though. I didn't have rigid routines regarding bedtime either because I wanted to spend quality time with him, after sleeping throughout the commute he was lovely and lively by the time we got home. I carried on working and when he was 5 and ready for school, I changed to a local child minder to have him before and after school. When my second son was born I was self employed so life became a bit easier but I was still working full time and commuting just to a different location. By the time he started school he too went to a childminder, who became a friend and I still have contact with today. I have an 8 year gap between the 2 which did make it easier to juggle although I had planned for a ten year gap, pregnancies seemed to happen rather quickly with me once I stopped taking the pills.
There is no doubt life will change, as a working mum you may well get passed over for promotion at work until you've proved you don't take time off at the drop of a hat. It took years before I was considered a good promotion prospect again, even though I never had a single day off because of my children. It's not fair but it is a fact.
My children are now 29 and 21 and there was a lot less help around back then, apart from my sister I had no family to rely on either. If you really want it, start thinking of what you can do, what you could be capable of with a bit of effort. Everyone knows the more you do the more you are capable of doing you might surprise yourself. I'm not superwoman, far from it but I did it and I'm glad I did. My sons are lovely, they don't think they missed out on anything at all. They do however have issues with a lot of young women today who seem to think once kids come along you no longer have the time or energy for work. They want women who are willing to do both.

I had my first son at 28 and my second at 32. Worked full time until i was 34 weeks. I did an evening job when my husband came home from work.

I now work at my youngest sons school so it fits in around them.

I personally don't think you can have it all, you have to be willing to sacrifice things. I would be willing to go without if it meant i could stay at home with my children.

My brother and sister in law started trying two years ago for a child but my sister in law had two ectopic pregnancies and ended up having to have her fallopian tubes removed. They have just completed IVF where she egg-shared and she is now 3 months pregnant with twins. She is 31.

I always said that if i hadn't had children by 40 then that would be it but i know a few people who have had children later with no ill effects.

My cousin has not long had a baby - she is 38, got pregnant by a married man who already has 3 kids. She is now bringing the child up alone. I think this is totally irresponsible and selfish.

Yes, but go without what? Water, electricity, your home?

I could understand this sentiment if people have expensive foreign holidays, or spent £££'s on shoes or clothes, or went out on the town 3 nights a week, or an expensive hobby.

We have no 'spare' cash. 2 month's ago we were behind on bill payments as my car cost £600 to sort out. We're still sorting out the fallout from not paying some of the stuff. There's no room to sacrifice 'stuff' unless it means not eating!

This is the part I really don't understand. How do people cope with the loss of an income, and how do you find that extra £1,000 a month to pay the essentials?

This is exactly how I feel. We have enough money for the bare essentials only and debt form our wedding and double-whammy redundancies last year. Should I really be thinking about having a baby?

Don't get me wrong, I am desperate for a child and scared to death that if I wait it will be too late, but I'm also trying to be sensible.

I'm so confused ;o(

lilyput v. true!!


i dont have kids and im im honest i dont think id naturally have one (perhaps adopt?) IF i have any.... i blow hot and cold about this subject


main reason is money.... these days it is madness how much childcare costs....!!

my mum was 33 when she had me....

for me though - ive been told i need to have kids sooner rather than later else i wont be having any....

good luck pidge