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MollyísMom
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Location: Virginia
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26-12-2017, 04:28 AM

Should I return my rescue dog

I recently adopted a rescue chihuahua. I got her in the one month anniversary of my previous chihuahua Mollyís death. After Molly died, people told me that getting another dog would help me feel better. It didnít. When Molly died I felt very empty and alone and so I thought getting a new dog would fill the void. I knew the new dog could never replace Molly but I thought I would be able to love the new dog too. My new dog is a rescue from out of state. She was initially very scared of everything. I thought once she got more comfortable things would be better for us both. But she has gotten situated and I still feel lost. As soon as I got her I immediately felt it was a mistake but I wanted to give it time. I have talked to her foster mom with the rescue who seems at least somewhat understanding. I can choose to return her but it would mean having to fly her back. She was terrified after her trip to me and now Iím going to put her through that again? I donít know what to do. She is settling in just fine. Itís me thatís the problem. Please help me figure out what to do
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Trouble
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26-12-2017, 09:27 AM
No one can tell you what to do or how to feel in any situation as they're not you and we all react differently. I can't imagine being dogless and when losing a dog I tend to get another very quickly. They'll never replace a previous dog, they're all individuals. The problem is you and how you feel, that may or may not change, I don't know you so I can't say. I'd fake it till I make it because ultimately I know I love dogs and in time would love the new one, just as much but differently to the last one. As you say it's unfair on the new dog to send her back to be terrified by the flight again and she's done nothing wrong. You just have to sort your head out, get in the right frame of mind to do this and move on to a new chapter in your life. Of course if you do send her back then that's it, no more dogs for you, you can't keep chopping and changing, it's not fair on the dogs. She may have settled but I doubt you're seeing her full personality yet give it time and relax. Personally I'd make up my mind that this is my new dog, it's a different dog but none the less it's my dog, this is it's new home and this is our new future together, You have to bite the bullet sooner or later.
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Gnasher
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26-12-2017, 09:46 AM
Totally agree with Trouble. I had an experience similar to the OP many years ago when I lost my beloved Hal. There was a dog in dire need of rehoming of a similar type to Hal, and although I knew that there would never be another Hal, he was irreplaceable, I felt it my very strong duty to give a good home to this lovely dog. So we did, and very quickly I realised that this was a mistake regarding myself, but not for the dog. He settled in immediately and was a very good boy - that was the trouble, he was TOO good compared with the Norty Hal and I missed that. But there was no way we were going to traumatise the poor dog and take him back, so we kept him for several years before we had to have him put down. Sometimes in life you have to do the right thing for others, not for yourself, and I think the OP with her little chihuahua is in one of these situations. I call it Pay Back Time! I really do hope she keeps the wee dog, give it time and I am sure she will bond and grow feelings for her just as I did with Tai.
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CaroleC
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26-12-2017, 12:18 PM
As we are now quite old, we no longer feel able to take on puppies, so six of my most recent dogs have been second - hand. Three of them came from show kennel friends, and three were unknown quantities from Dogs Homes.
They are all different! Even the ones that I thought I knew fairly well, still needed a lengthy settling-in period before they really felt that they were mine, and as for the Lurcher rescues, they drove us back to a host of training books, and practically to tears!
Despite having some serious doubts at the time, all these dogs were able to mould themselves into funny and loveable companions, and I wouldn't want to have missed a day of our adventures along the way.
You clearly love the breed, and her looks must have appealed to you, but she will never be a copy of the dog you have lost. It takes time to build a real bond with a displaced adult, so allow her choose the pace. Reward everything she gets right and try to overlook her mistakes. Your love will grow when she begins to show her trust and love for you.
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Jackie
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26-12-2017, 01:44 PM
I think getting another dog so soon was probably the wrong thing for you, everyone is different some people need more time to greave than others befor adding a new dog, some need to bring another in straight away, neither is right or wrong itís all down to individual situations.

But you are where you are and from what you are saying she is no bother and settling in well, you just canít bond with her yet, if I was you I would just accept she is here and I have to get on with it, you needed more time to greave but itís to late now sheís with you , donít beat yourself up, just give her what she needs and one day youíll wake up the loss will be a little less and your love for her will slowly grow .
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Chris
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26-12-2017, 01:57 PM
One other thing to try to do, is stop comparing. Think of this girl as the character she is and not how that character compares to your lost dog. Play with her (play is the quickest way to build bonds), walk her, talk to her and quickly you will start to appreciate her for the loving little girl she is and not how different she is to what you've lost.

Good luck to both of you xxx
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COBAR5
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30-12-2017, 02:51 AM
To bond with your new dog you must play with her
& have fun treating her every day.

Playing with a dog is the fastest way for love to grow.
it will happen , don't give up yet,
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MollyísMom
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18-01-2018, 04:02 AM
So itís been a month now with the new dog Tiny. I like her and she has certainly settled in, but I still feel unable to bond with her. She doesnít really do anything wrong. If anything, she is a lot like my Molly who passed away. But this bothers me instead of comforting me. I keep thinking of her as Molly for a second and have to remind myself, no this is Tiny. I just donít know what to do. I feel like I just found a replacement dog and I hate it! But I donít want to send her back to the rescue because itís in another state and I know that the plane trip would terrify her. What should I do?
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Besoeker
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18-01-2018, 05:07 AM
Originally Posted by MollyísMom View Post
I recently adopted a rescue chihuahua. I got her in the one month anniversary of my previous chihuahua Mollyís death. After Molly died, people told me that getting another dog would help me feel better. It didnít. When Molly died I felt very empty and alone and so I thought getting a new dog would fill the void. I knew the new dog could never replace Molly but I thought I would be able to love the new dog too. My new dog is a rescue from out of state. She was initially very scared of everything. I thought once she got more comfortable things would be better for us both. But she has gotten situated and I still feel lost. As soon as I got her I immediately felt it was a mistake but I wanted to give it time. I have talked to her foster mom with the rescue who seems at least somewhat understanding. I can choose to return her but it would mean having to fly her back. She was terrified after her trip to me and now Iím going to put her through that again? I donít know what to do. She is settling in just fine. Itís me thatís the problem. Please help me figure out what to do
How recently is recently?
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brenda1
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Location: Lancing West Sussex
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18-01-2018, 09:04 AM
I am not sure how easy it is to get homeopathic remedies over there but if you can get hold of some ignatia tablets and take them yourself then that would help you with your loss and thento go on to bonding with your new pup. It will happen I am sure with time.
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