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vanessamarie
Dogsey Junior
vanessamarie is offline  
Location: United States
Joined: Apr 2017
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30-05-2017, 11:31 PM

I need help and support-- mainly support:(

Hi everyone,

So, I have been taking care of Max since he was 3.5 months. He is now almost a year old. :') I have been suffering from OCD that manifests into an eating disorder and I have severe depression. I knew getting a dog would help me because I always have a dog (I moved in with my amazing boyfriend and we are currently in an apartment). He has been such a blessing but he has many phobias and is very high maintenance.

Currently, he has 2 trainers (3 including me) 1 behaviorist and is on 3 types of medication to help with his fear-based aggression.

I recently took a 2 week vacation and max has made some great progress. The problem is--my boyfriend and I both work 10 hour shifts Mon-Fri and Max has been living in his playpen. He gets his lunchtime walk and a night time walk. During the 2 weeks--we did everything together and he was so happy.

I have seriously considered re-homing him because I feel that he needs someone who can be there for him all day. My Eating Disorder is so happy that I am distracted with Max because it means I am neglecting it. I'm afraid my health is being jeopardized as I am literally living for my dog. Don't know what to do If i could I would pay for doggy day care but he fails every interview and isnt allowed to be around other dogs or people. I want him to live with a professional because I feel like my boyfriend and I are making him worse by keeping him inside all day.

I don't know. I feel like I just would like to hear your thoughts.

Thank you for reading.

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Lynn
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Location: March, Cambridgeshire.
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31-05-2017, 05:24 AM
Hi welcome to dogsey. Sorry to hear of your health problems.

What breed/s of dog is Max ?
I agree keeping a dog penned up 10 hours a day is bad this may be why he is suffering from fear aggression, especially if he is a high energy breed or a mix of high energy breeds.
I feel re-homing may be the best way forward for him and you but if he is suffering from fear aggression this may be difficult.

I have owned a fear aggressive large breed not high energy. Very loving to family and some people wary of others and didn't liked being stroked by people he was uncomfortable with. Bit vocal around other dogs but with good management he was absolutely fine.
No muzzle needed just making people aware he was uncomfortable around some dogs and some people.
Popped in the kitchen behind a baby gate when visitors came he was always more comfortable that way then let out when explained what we needed visitors to do to see if he would be happy in the same room. Sometimes he was sometimes he wasn't so if he was stressed he went back to the kitchen where he could see and hear us but not have to interact.
He was never pushed past his comfort zone.
Would you be able to re-home successfully ? If he has fear aggression he may be difficult to find a new home for.

Why two trainers ? Are they both using the same methods if they are using different methods this will be very confusing for him and may increase his problem.
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Besoeker
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31-05-2017, 02:56 PM
vanessamarie

How far do you walk your dog every day? How big is he?
I have medium/large dog. He's 3 years old and weighs 34.5kg (nearly 80 pounds). Also called Max as it happens.

I do between six and ten miles a day, most if off the lead so can wander around in trees, play with other dogs, chase squirrels, follow scents etc. It means he walks several times the distance that I do. It's what he needs and it keeps him settled.

I don't know whether that is possible with your work schedule.
But, given how happy he was when you had your two week break might be a clue.
Dogs, espexially active dogs, need a lot of committment.

I wish you luck.
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vanessamarie
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31-05-2017, 04:41 PM
Originally Posted by Lynn View Post
Hi welcome to dogsey. Sorry to hear of your health problems.

What breed/s of dog is Max ?
I agree keeping a dog penned up 10 hours a day is bad this may be why he is suffering from fear aggression, especially if he is a high energy breed or a mix of high energy breeds.
I feel re-homing may be the best way forward for him and you but if he is suffering from fear aggression this may be difficult.

I have owned a fear aggressive large breed not high energy. Very loving to family and some people wary of others and didn't liked being stroked by people he was uncomfortable with. Bit vocal around other dogs but with good management he was absolutely fine.
No muzzle needed just making people aware he was uncomfortable around some dogs and some people.
Popped in the kitchen behind a baby gate when visitors came he was always more comfortable that way then let out when explained what we needed visitors to do to see if he would be happy in the same room. Sometimes he was sometimes he wasn't so if he was stressed he went back to the kitchen where he could see and hear us but not have to interact.
He was never pushed past his comfort zone.
Would you be able to re-home successfully ? If he has fear aggression he may be difficult to find a new home for.

Why two trainers ? Are they both using the same methods if they are using different methods this will be very confusing for him and may increase his problem.
Hi Lynn,

Thank you for your reply. Max is a 10 pound cocker spaniel/terrier mix. The trainers and the behaviorists are all one team from the same hospital. They're a great team.

I honestly wish I could have people over and put a baby gate so he can be in the kitchen. I cannot have anyone over because of his severe aggression. We noticed his aggression 2 days after we got him but I figured he just needed a different approach to training. (I grew up with german shepherds). So I wanted to work with him--plus he was only comfortable with my boyfriend and me. his walks have to be kept private and he only feels safe in his playpen. If James and I are home he feels safe in our entire apartment.

I spoke to his behaviorist, who works very closely with me, and she was very honest. She thinks that I have been working so hard to give Max everything he needs and she also feels that my health should come first. She also said it will be extremely hard re-homing Max. His fear and anxiety are severe and his bite history makes him a poor candidate for re-homing. I am willing to try everything I can to find him a place to live but and I think it'll take a very special person. I don't know anyone that would be willing to risk having a dog with a bite history and who is extremely vocal. He has bitten all his doctors--2 friends of mine (very early when we didn't know he had issues). He has bitten me several times and James too. It's as if he has PTSD. His medication does help but my boyfriend, family, therapist and doctors think that I am putting myself in a position where this job is beyond me. I have so much love for this little mutt. Today I have to decide on a concrete timeline. I just really feel lonely and hopeless and wanted to talk to fellow doggy parents.

Thank you again for sharing your story with me. Made my day<3
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vanessamarie
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31-05-2017, 05:10 PM
Originally Posted by Besoeker View Post
vanessamarie

How far do you walk your dog every day? How big is he?
I have medium/large dog. He's 3 years old and weighs 34.5kg (nearly 80 pounds). Also called Max as it happens.

I do between six and ten miles a day, most if off the lead so can wander around in trees, play with other dogs, chase squirrels, follow scents etc. It means he walks several times the distance that I do. It's what he needs and it keeps him settled.

I don't know whether that is possible with your work schedule.
But, given how happy he was when you had your two week break might be a clue.
Dogs, espexially active dogs, need a lot of committment.

I wish you luck.
Hi

Thank you for replying and for sharing your information with me. That is exactly what my gut is telling me--Max needs someone who can take him on adventures throughout the day. He loves smelling flowers and he loves pulling james on his skateboard which is a great work out for Max. He loves the beach as I found out on my break. He loves dog parks (he loves all these places if they're empty by the way) Max is a cocker spaniel/terrier mix. I have told his behaviorist several times that Max is a special dog with specific needs and I feel we are only making him worse by not being there for him all day. If you read the response I left for Lynn--it'll give you an idea of what type of dog Max is.

I feel like I have let him down but I am also hopeful that there will be someone out there who Max can be comfortable with.

Thank you again for reading my post and sharing your story with me. It helps me to know that there is a community out there!
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Lynn
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31-05-2017, 05:28 PM
I see I hadn't realised he has bitten and on more than one occasion. Yes this will make him very difficult to re-home.
Do you think this could be down to the fact he is a mix of very high energy working breeds and his present lifestyle really is not suitable ?
We are in the UK and a suggestion I would make would be as one last chance to see if he would be suitable as a service dog either police or army not sure if you have that option in America.
They may assess him and decide before any trials he is to bigger risk or they may trial him and find a hard days work and using his breed traits is just what he needs.
I do hope you can find a suitable solution for Max. Please keep us updated.
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Besoeker
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31-05-2017, 06:57 PM
Originally Posted by vanessamarie View Post
Hi

Thank you for replying and for sharing your information with me. That is exactly what my gut is telling me--Max needs someone who can take him on adventures throughout the day. He loves smelling flowers and he loves pulling james on his skateboard which is a great work out for Max. He loves the beach as I found out on my break. He loves dog parks (he loves all these places if they're empty by the way) Max is a cocker spaniel/terrier mix. I have told his behaviorist several times that Max is a special dog with specific needs and I feel we are only making him worse by not being there for him all day. If you read the response I left for Lynn--it'll give you an idea of what type of dog Max is.

I feel like I have let him down but I am also hopeful that there will be someone out there who Max can be comfortable with.

Thank you again for reading my post and sharing your story with me. It helps me to know that there is a community out there!
Another thought.
What kind of jobs do you and your boyfriend have? Could you possibly take Max to work with you? A couple of my colleagues did that. They had closed offices where they could keep their dogs and walk them round the outside of the building from time to time.
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vanessamarie
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31-05-2017, 08:06 PM
Originally Posted by Besoeker View Post
Another thought.
What kind of jobs do you and your boyfriend have? Could you possibly take Max to work with you? A couple of my colleagues did that. They had closed offices where they could keep their dogs and walk them round the outside of the building from time to time.
I have him certified as an emotional therapy dog because of my depression and OCD. Here in the U.S, most places allow workers to bring their service animals. My company would SO be willing to let me have my dog here but Max just can't be around ANYONE. I brought him here once and the barking wouldn't stop so I had to take him home. I also don't want to traumatize him more than I have. I think you read my "dog park" post a while back. I am guilty of flooding Max because I just want to try everything for him and hope that something will work. The good thing is that I live 10 minutes away from my office so i go see him for an hour everyday.

I just know he could live a better life with someone who is home all day, has a yard, goes on hikes and runs (even then it'll be hard with Max). The hard part will be finding him a home. I want to be honest about his aggression and bite history. However, he does have a lot of other great qualities.

His behaviorist told me that she will help me but depending on my timeline I might be "faced with a more difficult decision." Which I took as putting him down. Honestly, if I can be real here, I would hate to see Max go from one house to another or one shelter to another only to see his fate end up being a fatal one.

I almost want to give ourselves a reasonable amount of time, keep working with Max whilst finding him a new home and if we fail...is it wrong that I think it'd be nicer for James and me, the ones who have put so much time, love, money and effort into this pupper, to be the ones to decide to put him down? So that he can leave this world surrounded by love rather than him being scared and alone? AGHHH--i can't even believe I'm thinking this way. It's just how I feel.

xoxo
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vanessamarie
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31-05-2017, 08:24 PM
Originally Posted by Lynn View Post
I see I hadn't realised he has bitten and on more than one occasion. Yes this will make him very difficult to re-home.
Do you think this could be down to the fact he is a mix of very high energy working breeds and his present lifestyle really is not suitable ?
We are in the UK and a suggestion I would make would be as one last chance to see if he would be suitable as a service dog either police or army not sure if you have that option in America.
They may assess him and decide before any trials he is to bigger risk or they may trial him and find a hard days work and using his breed traits is just what he needs.
I do hope you can find a suitable solution for Max. Please keep us updated.
When we picked him up at the shelter--they told me they found him with his brother who was picked up a bit earlier that day-- no one saw his aggressive behavior. He was so timid which is a characteristic of a cocker spaniel plus he just seemed cold and scared. His behaviorist thinks he needs "more than just a yard, more exercise, and someone who can be there with him all day." (all the things I wish I could do) makes me feel hopeless because he has a very severe neurological issue. I always say that I wish I could clone myself so he'd be with me all day.

I will definitely look into the options you suggested. He does make for a great guard dog. He is a highly intelligent dog--we have come such a long way. The trick is to have him at a relaxed/comfortable state at all times so people can see other sides of him. He is becoming more aggressive, more confident at lunging and biting--it's been a hard journey for all of us.

I will definitely keep Dogsey posted. Thank you, Lynn.
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Besoeker
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31-05-2017, 08:30 PM
Originally Posted by vanessamarie View Post
I have him certified as an emotional therapy dog because of my depression and OCD. Here in the U.S, most places allow workers to bring their service animals. My company would SO be willing to let me have my dog here but Max just can't be around ANYONE. I brought him here once and the barking wouldn't stop so I had to take him home. I also don't want to traumatize him more than I have. I think you read my "dog park" post a while back. I am guilty of flooding Max because I just want to try everything for him and hope that something will work. The good thing is that I live 10 minutes away from my office so i go see him for an hour everyday.

I just know he could live a better life with someone who is home all day, has a yard, goes on hikes and runs (even then it'll be hard with Max). The hard part will be finding him a home. I want to be honest about his aggression and bite history. However, he does have a lot of other great qualities.

His behaviorist told me that she will help me but depending on my timeline I might be "faced with a more difficult decision." Which I took as putting him down. Honestly, if I can be real here, I would hate to see Max go from one house to another or one shelter to another only to see his fate end up being a fatal one.

I almost want to give ourselves a reasonable amount of time, keep working with Max whilst finding him a new home and if we fail...is it wrong that I think it'd be nicer for James and me, the ones who have put so much time, love, money and effort into this pupper, to be the ones to decide to put him down? So that he can leave this world surrounded by love rather than him being scared and alone? AGHHH--i can't even believe I'm thinking this way. It's just how I feel.

xoxo
Google how to stop a dog barking.
About 8,330,000 results (0.58 seconds).
There may a solution in there somewhere that's worth trying.

I guess we got lucky - our dog very rarely barks when he is out - we haven't had to consider any of those methods So I can't offer advice on their effectiveness. Maybe others here can.

Good luck.
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