Off to doctors tomorrow as have just had enough....

I am so totally stressed and exhausted I have had enough.

I love my job and my oldies but on Monday morning I really dreaded going to work. I'm getting snappy and not my usual self with them, I have never actually 'hated; going to work ever.

Last week I did over 100 hours in 10 days straight. Yes, one day was only 7 hours so another was nearly 14hours. I should've had a day off but was on my counselling course, which is only 6 hours and I really enjoy, so although was work it is important to me..... and yet still I got asked to work on the way to the course!

I mentioned how many hours I had done and that I was exhausted and my boss's reaction was 'Well, you shouldn't have done your course on your day off'.
It's just not ending at the moment.

I go to college on Wed evenings to study French and I was so tired I fell asleep and didn't go. Now that is important to me, esp as I pay, and so work is eating into my whole life.

I don't feel I have enough time to be a Mum, a partner etc. I've seen more of my son this week than ever just because he is doing work experience at my office! My OH is brilliant btw, he gets angry they get me to work so much but supports whatever I want to do.
We've also decided we are not going away to France in August (have 2 weeks booked off) as we've been away enough and it will be just a treat to be at home and do nothing.... that's how little time we get to do those sort of things!

I eat at my desk as we don't get lunch breaks as such, or any breaks. I could try but it would just mean staying latre to get things done. I should've done 7am to 4.30 pm today and then an evening run of 7pm to 10pm but had to do extras so from 7am to 10pm I was actually at home from 6.10pm to 7.20, in which time I sorted the dogs, the cats, did dinner and some ironing!

I'm doing extras on my weekend off all the time. Last time I had 4 days booked off I ended up working on 2 of them.

I'm getting so tired I either fall asleep as soon as I get in or just cannot sleep at all.
I feel I am unsafe to be driving sometimes.
I get palpitations, had heartburn all day, get dizzy and feel sick.
I'm too busy to eat properly so eat rubbish and then feel worse and after losing all that weight I don't want to go back there.
I get in such a state I cry, and thats not me.

I'm so fed up. I couldn't go to my breed show this year as had to work. It was my weekend to work and someone else had already booked it, fair enough. So a fortnight ago I said I wanted to go to the fun show across the road for me. I needed to be free from 11am-3pm, and I don't normally work then anyway though I do the rest of the day. I dug my heels in and went, they found someone else to do the work and I worked only 10 hours that day and did the show instead of 12 hours but I felt almost guilty for spending time with my dogs and son when I'm only supposed to work 8 hours on weekends anyway.

So.... I have an appointment with the doctor tomorrow at 6.45pm.... and yes I'm missing college to go but I need to speak to him as I feel everything is going to come crashing down around me.
I really do not want tablets if I can help it, just hope he suggests something.

Thanks for listening anyway, just writing it all down helps.
This isn't me, I'm normally a 'coper' but at the moment it is all making me ill.

Becks, first of all ** hugs**
It sounds to me from your post you know already my love what you have to do. I think I have got to know you whilst being here on Dogsey, and you can't please everyone all the time.

You will/are making yourself ill, and you will eventually burn out - believe me I did exactly that.

Your immediate family are the most important ones ( really ) and you are giving so much everywhere else, they are now getting a knackered you.

I hope the doctor tells you the same... slow down xxxxxxxx

Oh hun, I really feel for you and undertand totally where you are coming from (ex nurse). I loved my job and couldn't imagine doing anything else but when it effects your home life and state of mind then you need to do something about it
My solution was to leave nursing but that was me.
The first thing I would do is take a few days off to sleep, eat properly and think. Hopefully you can see things clearer.
Work/life balance is so important.
Sending you lots of (((hugs))) and if you ever want to talk pm me at any time xxxxxx

I think you are just stressed and worn out hun, and the time off will do you some good, as your doctor to sign you a week off if that is what you want him to do, hugs for you hun you need them.

You're always there for me, now don't forget, I am also here for you too xxxx

aww, Hun, I do understand, I work long, long hours too(but I don't have children so that's one huge difference).

You seriously have to put your foot down somewhere. At least with my work my clients aren't around at weekends so from Friday night to Sunday night has always been my time and I have pretty much stuck to that (with one or two exceptions).

I really understand that you feel that you can't stop(my boss was always saying 'make sure you take your holiday - it will do you good - but yeah, the stress of being away for 2 weeks with no-one picking up your work, like that's going to be good when you get back!) but honestly somehow you have to have time to yourself and your family.

IMO the doctor can be of limited help - what you need is for your work to realise that they have put too much on you and that you can't cope. Its ok to admit that you can't cope - honest. Please think about sitting down with your bosses and telling them that you are thinking of quitting because it has all got too much. That's what it took for me - I broke down and phoned my boss (London based) and told him I was quitting....we had a face to face meeting after that and things did get a bit better (though much went back to normal)...but I did get it off my chest, I did have a good break and it did do me the world of good.

Anytime you want to chat, feel free to pm me.

Oh Becky, I know exactly what you're going through.

I was treated like this in my last job, and in the end cracked under the strain. The doctor signed me off for a month, and the company promised to change. After a month I went back, and after a week things were straight back to normal.

A month later, I left. They owed me holiday, so I didn't even have to face them with my notice - they would have promised the earth for me to stay, and I really just couldn't.

Like you, Becky, I was a coper, but in the end used to spend time in the evenings just crying for "no reason". Poor Baz had no idea how to cope with it. A bit of a mini breakdown.

You, Becky, and only you can change the way things are. If your job is too much, change it. If other factors are contributing to your job being too much, then change them.

I would say you should do something before you fall over, but I reckon you already have. You now MUST take action.

Remember, if things don't change........ they'll just stay the same.

Huge hugs honey, PM me if you want to chat

x0x0x

Hun hope your Dr's appointment went ok.....you need to put your foot down at work. 100 hours is far too much, you need abit of ''''me time'''. Hope you get it sorted xx

*hugs*

been there, done that, eventually after much heartache, left the job.
Hated leaving at the time,(money worries) but in hindsight I should have done it way before I did.
Nothing but nothing is worth what you are going through. Its not as if its a temporary situation, you just know its not going to change.

I hope the doc gives you a couple of weeks off , time to relax and think.
*hugs*

Becky so sorry to read what you are going through.
I agree with the others sounds like you need to change something and you are being put upon, funny how us copers always seem to end up this way isn't it. We do ourselves no favours sometimes. If we keep going people will stay quiet and let it go on.
I have been in this situation with my Mum as you know different to your situation and easier to solve. which it now is, have to be strong and put yourself first for once.
Gorden has been in your situation work wise nearly 10 years ago now, in the end he left, because it was affecting his health, our marriage and our home life with the boys they were much younger then, he had no work for a while only temping and supply work we struggled and thought we would lose our house. He now has a fabulous job he loves takes his holidays and is able to relax and leave work behind, has his weekends to himself and his evenings when he gets home from work we have never looked back.
I think you need some time to de clutter your brain and speak to your OH and make a plan, even your Children speak to them and see how they feel about it all. If you decide to stay in your job you need to put your foot down if not maybe you need a change. Only you can decide that one, maybe your Doctor will sign you off for a week or two to help you sounds like you need it.
Remember we are all here to listen and help if we can. Xxx