a little stuck-mine or his for xmas?

Well I've got a little, potentionally [is that how u spell it??! ] big prob.

Not quite sure where to start. To avoid essay-writing here are bullet points!

-In past all realtionships have lasted [up to!!] six months. I get bored and dump the guy.

-Have found one truly great guy. He's absolutely brilliant. He is such a great person, understanding, great listener, good looking, funny, exciting.....he's just brill. Now been with him a total of one and a half years!!!! Wow!

-My family have ALWAYS gone up to my nan's. I remember questioning [when i was really young] my mum as to why we never go to my dad's mum's house for xmas. As in, take it in turns or something. She didn't really answer and I put it down to it must be coz dad's mum was a lot older and prob wouldn't want to have to cope with loadsa ppl in one go.

-Last year, after being together approx 4 months, xmas came along. Usually in the past if goin out with a guy over xmas I'd leave him behind. I'd be like 'happy xmas, see u in a few days'. This time I really wanted him to come with me. He wasn't particularly keen on the idea [he's quite shy with nu ppl, esp back then!] but he promised he would. He said he would stay at home for xmas eve and day, then come up to york [a good four hour drive] on boxing day.

-He wasn't able to come up on b day coz the snow/ice everywhere was so v heavy. I told him that as i was goin back the next day there was no point driving such a long way in such dangerous conditions.

-My mum is adament that he must come up with us every year. Family is v important to her and she said that if he wants to be a part of this family, he must be prepared to come up with us at xmas. She said if he wasn't, then he's gotta go.

-So suddenly i have a problem. in my opinion, it would b better if we take it in turns, mine one year and his parents' the next. I also have a strong feeling he'd prefer it that way too, as he likes to stay with his m+d.

-On the other hand, if i do this, it'll really upset my mum.

-So, I can see this happening: me being like my mum, saying 'you've got to come over' and getting v upset if he doesn't. He would maybe kick off and demand to know why i never go his. I wouldn't have an answer.

Is this going to be an ongoing problem? Or am i over-reacting? Should I always go up to my nan's every year or should i go his mum's every other year?

I don't want to screw this up. He's so great. But i don't wanna upset my mum either.

Sorry I still wrote loads!!!!!

Kim xx

Hi Kim, toughy!!!

What age group are you and do you still live at home?

If you are still at home it is going to be a little difficult I suppose, but you could try expaining that you are also becoming part of BF's family so you need to 'give and take'. If you have your own home, can't you stay at your home with BF this year? to show that you wont be bullied??

I think it a little unfair that your BF is expected to leave his family every year to spend it at your nans house, don't you

Good luck Kim

PS have to say, if someone told me I HAD TO, when I didn't, I wouldn't

I'm glad you think so too. In my opinion it's highly unfair but I am sure that after my mum has had words with me I'd then see it as she does.

I'm stuck coz i don't wanna upset/offend either.

Oh, forgot to say, both me and bf are both still living at home with parents.

Thanks for your response!!!

xx

Hi Kim

That's really hard on you, I don't think he should be forced to do anything, and your mum really has no say in it as much as she would like to. It's also a very selfish request on her behalf, he has a life too!

Has your mum forgotten what its like to have in laws? Perhaps she needs a gentle reminder

Yeah it does sound selfish...but i don't feel like i can stand my ground very well.

The reason for going york is that all my family is up there. Aunt,s uncles, cousins, nan/grandad etc etc. If i stayed down here i'd be the only one not there. So there's a fair bit of pressure.

We had a similar thing happen to us but I put my foot down and said to OH deal with it, we aren't spending every Christmas in Denmark.

Everyone got upset and there were the usual family quarrels, and guess what, they got over it

It's a hard thing to put your foot down but it depends on how much you want to see change as well Where there's a will there's definitely a way, have you thought about discussing it with your OH?

Yeah, i'm gna ask him what he thinks, and hopefully we can come to some sort of agreement...then everyone else will just have to accept that's how it is.

or something!

What does everyone else do? esp if long distance? How do you lot deal with this?

I've never been in your situation so I can't really say what I'd do, but I think maplecottage was right.
If you talk to your OH about it you can hopefully come to a decision that you are both happy with. It might be easier to stand your ground with your mum once you have made up your mind what's best and have the support of your OH.
It is hard to upset your family but I'm sure things will work out in the end.
I hope it all goes ok for you.

My late mother always used to say, if you have to choose between two options, always go for the third.
In this case, the third option is for you and your boyfriend to spend Christmas somewhere totally different away from both families. Do your own thing and let them get on with it.
I find "close" families with (no offence intended) "controlling" parent or parents very claustraphobic and the rebel in me resists all calls to fall in line. I aways found that they got over it. Life is too short.

Hi Kim my advice is talk it out first with your boyfriend (after what you said you enjoy being with him ) what you decide then have a talk with you parents and explain to them what you want to do i am sure they will understand your decision no point in arguing that will not get you anywhere that will spoil the whole Christmas hope you sort it out and have a nice one i am sure you will