Am I Being Selfish?

Got a phone call from my husband this evening saying that a really good friend of both of us is about to pass away, doctors have advised the family that our friend will never recover and all thats keeping them alive is the life support, they have been poorly for quite some time and the last time I visited I knew (could see) that they didn't have long left trouble is as much as I would love to go and sit with them in their final moments (been advised they won't make it through tonight once life support has been switched off) I'm really torn as Hubby would like our daughter to be there too as our friend was also extremely fond of our daughter and spent a lot of time with her as they never had grandchildren so she was always seen as the grandchild they never had. She knows about life and death but I think this would be too disturbing and upsetting for her afterall said and done she is only seven so hasn't quite caught on to the concept of death so I really do think it would be too extreme for her to spend some time with our dying friend before they pass away. Hubby won't budge and has said he will be waiting for us to both arrive at the hospital, I really want to go and spend some time with this wonderful person before they pass away but I refuse to budge where our daughter is concerned, I said I would be there shortly, please tell me I am doing the right thing by deciding not to take our daughter with me. I know it must seem awfully selfish to some as this person has been a wonderful lovely person who has been involved in all aspects of our daughters life when sometimes other 'blood' family members were either to busy or couldn't be bothered. Thing is it's so close to Christmas now and I don't want this on her mind or spoil things for her in anyway because she is a great worrier and this is something that would stay with her for the rest of her life not just for the weeks and months to come. I've known this person for 15 years, so it's going to be extremely hard for me never mind the impact it could have on my 7 year old
There's been a few harsh words on the phone and I have been called 'selfish' by my soon to be ex husband, I know how hard this is going to be without our daughter having to be there, plus if I were to take her it's me that has to deal with the upset and tears later and I don't want her to be unhappy and I really don't want to see her worry about this it wouldn't be fair on her she's just a child.

I personally think 7 is too young. My children are 6 and 8 and I wouldn't put them through something so very distressing.

If i was you-i wouldnt let her go.Best to allow your daughter to keep the good memories before this person became ill.

What a sad thing for you to have to face. I don't think you are being selfish at all, your daughter is too young to have to deal with something like this, it could traumatise her in years to come.
Would your friend have wanted her to be there? I wouldn't think so, it sounds as if this person really cared about your daughter and your family and I'm sure that they would not want to put her through it.
Stick to your guns for your daughters sake, please don't allow your husband to bully you into taking her, I know that he probably thinks he is right at this moment in time but how would he cope with a seriously disturbed child whose whole life has been turned upside down just to satisfy him.
Your beautiful, sensitive daughter is far too precious to take risks with.
Once again, I'm sorry that you have to go through this sad event and I'm thinking of you.

I think you are doing the right thing not to take her. She's much too young in my opinion and I wonder if your friend would want her there anyway.

It's going to be upsetting enough for you without worrying about how it will effect your daughter.

Anne

Can't add much to the good advice already given. How DARE your husband make such unreasonable demands, you are clearly thinking of your daughter, he is thinking of himself (and possibly wielding power? If so, that's a disgrace)
Stick to your guns, girl, if it means you can't be with the friend, hang on to all the good memories which you can tell to your daughter over the coming years.

Echo the others..i remember being a few years younger than your daughter when my great grandfather passed away,he had been suffering from cancer for many years..even prior to my birth, so in the broader spectrum of things he had been quite lucky...he was taken into hospital, and I was there visiting him when he was very bad..sadly, he just so happened to pass away whilst i was there...memories of which still haunt me to this day, have been with a few people before/during/after death..not nice whenever, but never when young. Stick to your guns Nicci, because the 'scars' from these things don't tend to show up until time afterwards..when a thing will just trigger it off.

I personally believe that 7 is too young to have this sort of experience. Your daughter should be able to keep the lovely memories she has of this wonderfully kind person and not the picture she will have if she sees this friend dying.

Stick to your guns Nicci, your OH will get over it but your daughter may not if you take her to the hospital.

God bless your friend.

So sorry to hear your sad news.

Having been there when two people I love have died, I found it extremely harrowing. And that was when I was 27 and 36. And it took ages for the memories of those last minutes to fade and for the good memories to return.

I very much doubt your friend would want such a young person to see them like this either. In my mind you're absolutely not being selfish but are putting the best interests of your daughter, and most likely your friend, first.

Hi, Really sorry to hear this. I'm actually extremely surprised that the ICU will let a child in..as they won't usually unless it is the patients child. As for being there when they turn the machines off..NO NO NO . I was 42 when I had to make the decision to let them turn off my mums life support (she was only 66) and to this day I have nightmares about it..her last gasps for breath and gradually turning blue ect ect. It is NOT a pretty or indeed often peaceful end. Definitely NOT something to put a child through for goodness sake. Sorry to be so frank but please don't do it..you would regret it and possibly harm your child emotionally doing so. If your partner wants to know any more please PM me as I will be happy to explain more..if it makes him see sense. Good luck and please think about your child's welfare 1st and foremost.

XX