Addendum to Sad Dog Clubs -
Sometimes also run by this old guy with an ancient labrador, that is so well trained because it looks like it has never run anywhere in it's life and will do anything, yes anything, for a piece of dried liver, so that everyone attending the class is made to feel inadequate for having dogs that actually move. 'Yes come on Sam, let's show them how it's done' So much so that you long for the days when he can't take the class, as the lady who stands in for him is much better.

Or is that just our club????

no - not just yours! Have you tried sabotage? Just crumble liver-cake around then ask him to demonstrate recall...

Me too! And then it got passed down to cousins, left me with a life-long love for wire haired fox terriers!

Now there is no way I can be as funny as C&D but seeing as no one else has tried here goes...

Miniature Schnauzers
Grey dogs with Dennis Healy's eyebrows, if it's black it must be a Scotty dog really. All boys because they have beards, comes perfectly clipped so never needs to be taken to the groomers. Part of the Utility group so nothing at all like those nasty terriers that like to chase small fluffy creatures.

Affenpinschers
Wot pinchers? Not a proper dog at all because it is too small, in fact it's actually a well trained cat.

J

Utility, Pastoral, working. These are all out dated archaic terms and not relevant to the Dummies of today thus we must re classify breed classes into ;

Little yapper type dogs - Chihuahua, shizhu, lhasa, yorkie etc

scruffy mutts - Jack russells, anything wire haired

German sheherdish - Including some elkhounds, estrala, leonberger

Hard dogs - Bull breeds mainly Rottweillers, Dobermans

Snowdogs - Huskys, malamutes, Akita, anything that looks like a husky really

Posh dogs - Dalmatians, weimeraners

Andrex or ordinary dogs - Labradors, golden retreivers, anything that looks like them

Oh yes I have been to one of these clubs!

You lot are so clever, I am loving this thread. I think it should be kept for posterity

Lol, no we just just left, as when he was the trainer the stress levels in that hall were so high no wonder all the dogs were hyper.

Hmmm my only foray into dog clubs I accidently got a 'proper club' I payed £7 for the privilage of watching my poor terrified rescue dog get choked and yanked about by an ex-policeman. I reaslly should have realised whan as soon as I got there he took off my harness (bought because Jackjack had come with an embedded collar and had a sensitive neck) and swapped it for a half choke... Don't know why I stayed as long as I did. I was in sort of Embarasshock! Embarassed that I had been suckered in by all the letters after his name and shock that Barbara wood house was not dead but living dressed as a 50yr old expoliceman in Essex!

Never got to go down the pub after...

we need this thread published!

all money raised to be donated to a rescue fund.

its absolutely brilliant!!

Please please please stop making me laugh out loud whilst I'm at work and not supposed to be on the internet!!

Could we add a post script to the NI? Very similar to a husky but without a curly tail or blue eyes - coz all huskies have blue eyes you know

You mean NI's don't have blue eyes and curly tails? Funny coz I've seen many who do *checks halo*

Appendix 3:

Ways to greet a strange, large breed dog:

Short coated : Run for the hills taking your family with you, they eat babies you know!

Long coated : Let your children grab them, hang on them, and swipe at them as they go past in their buggies as everyone knows any dog with a lovely furry coat won't bite, ever. Look at Lassie!
If it's a St. Bernard - Go 'Awwww Beethoven'
If it's any northern breed or NI - Go ' Awww Snowdogs!'