the saga has continued, and unfortunately my brother and sister in law havent been speaking to my mum and dad since this all happened, although they have allowed them to see their grandchild, but have handed him over at the door, and have had a war with words. THey want an apology from my mum and dad regarding things that were said and until they get that they are unwilling to talk to them.

I went and spoke to my brother and said how unhappy I was that he didnt trust my judgement of my dog with his child, and that I felt he was being very unreasonable with our parents etc and he had a rant at me, which swiftly ended when I told him to watch who he was talking to.

He is being very unreasonable, appears to think he is "picked on" by our parents - yes he is 34 not 14, and obviously has issues that go far beyond his son and their relationship.

Its got so bad, its my Dad's 60th birthday party today and they are not coming - as they havent had their apology, and my mum and Dad really dont see what they have to apologise for.

I am so mad, I spoke to my brother yesterday and told him that he needed to be very sure about his actions as he cannot take it back, and my Dad will never be 60 again- it makes me so mad, as some people arent lucky enough to have their parents around and he treats ours like this ? and they have done nothing wrong apart from trying to be helpful and include him in the family, yet he doesnt want involved and doesnt like famnily stuff ( his words to me!!)

I feel so so bad for my mum and dad and cannot believe its come to this, their will be all their family and friends there today and it will be so obvious that my brother is not there - its like he is doing it on purpose to make a point.

No wonder you feel bad for them {{{hugs}}} Your brother may be making a point but what people will see may not be the point he's trying to make!!

Try not to let him spoil the day

oh Dani, what a selfish person your brother is.

I hope you and your parents and the res of the family have a wonderful day anyway.

Happy 60th to your Dad Hope he's having a lovely day.......

Like you say, your Dad will only be 60 once.....So I really hope for your brother's sake, he changes his mind and turns up to see your Dad. If he doesn't, he may regret it forever.

Thinking of you all x

I hope you and your family enjoy your Dad's 60th birthday regardless of what your brother does. You just have to accept he is being an **** about this. You can point it out as much as you like but unless he wants to see it then he'll just carry on with the way he is going.

At the end of the day he is going to be the one who will regret this and wish he had never treated his parents like it. You only have one set of parents and although I hope yours are around for a long time to come, when they are gone they are gone and you never get them back.

Just this week something happened and I just wished my Dad was there to phone for advice because I didn't know what to do.

*hugs* Just let your brother do his thing and make sure *you* have a fantastic relationship with your parents, which it sounds like you do.

As above, I feel it would be a mistake to intervene. Just support your parents. I hope your dad has a lovely birthday.

I'm so sorry that your brother has let it come to this. If they didn't like the (very kind) offering of babysitting by your parents then frankly they don't deserve them!

I hope your dad has a lovely day, regardless of the fact that they're not there! xx

thanks everyone, thankfully they did turn up in the end, after phoning to say they were not coming this morning, and then texting my mum to say "that seeing as they couldnt just bring their son and leave him then they have no choice but to come " - honestly its like he is doing us a favour.

He barely said hello to me and didnt ask how I was doing etc at all, and then didnt say bye when he left ( and also didnt stay for the cake cutting etc as they had to get wee one home for his tea and bed )

whatever ! I really dont care anymore.

thanks for the thoughts everyone xxx

As they say they are family you don't get to pick them and that is why we have friends.
Your brother may be 34 but he sounds as if he is acting like he is 14.
As long as your mum and dad are happy enough and aren't willing to give in to his demanded apology, all you can do is support them.
I would have given him a mouthful as well, and I am sure something must have struck home as he turned up to your Dad's 60th. Even if it wasn't for long and wasn't the nicest one at the party.
You can't control what he does so leave him to it until you feel the need to step in again. He is acting like a child not getting his own way. It may be a good lesson for him that not everyone is going to curtail to his ideas.
hugs, you did well

Hiya - i think i would have told him where to get off ! i'd have said don't bother ! let them stew in their own juice - they will get the message eventually. Why should your parents apologise - your brother and his wife should be the ones apologising ( )

Sorry this winds me up because as i have said, our family had all this with my brother and SIL.

They should like prats the pair of them (sorry) and your brother sounds like a control freak ! - on no account should your parents apologise ! its his loss and he will regret it

Well done for supporting your parents, at least they have one decent child !