My aunt is coming over, what should I do?

So my aunt is coming over, haven't seen her since my grandmother died in 2009. Hadn't seen her before that since her son, my first cousin died in 2000. Never spoke to her much, regardless.

She has the eating disorder Anorexia Nervosa, has for ages, along with PTSD, and bi polar and other issues (including hygienic issues) and it makes her very hard to be around. She's rail skinny, has heart failure, is a smoker, and is in very poor health.

She is about my father's age. The ex wife of my uncle (father's brother), but she is living with him now as she has no where else to go. She's had a very troubled life and it only got worse when her son, my first cousin was killed in the accident in 2000.

She says she's not going to stay, but that is likely not the case. Last time she came here (ages and ages ago, I was young) she stuck around for quite some time until my father had to throw her out. She was stressing everyone out big time.

Well, she begged to come and see us... and though we all tried to tell her we'd come and see her instead... she claimed she wanted to come and see us and that she hadn't been in ages and it wouldn't be the same and whatever, whatever. So my father agreed, to make her happy.

Last time she stayed here, she had to take MY room as my parents share a room and that's a big no... and my sibling is male and that's a huge no. My mother and father would not let her sleep downstairs, said it would upset her.

I DO NOT want her here for many reasons. She is very, very hard to be around. She won't eat anything you give her, she complains constantly, she's horribly messy, she refuses to shower/bathe properly, and she smokes (which I can't stand).

I know Jade is not going to welcome her here and will have to be put outside in a pen for the duration of her stay to ensure there are no problems, which isn't going to be fair to her.

There are soooo many reasons it's a BAD idea to let her even come here, and even my dad admitted she's likely lying about only seeing us and that some issues between her and my uncle have forced her to try and come here for a bit.

What do I do? I really want to talk my dad out of letting her come here, but that seems so cruel knowing she's always had such a hard time and her family is really all she's got left. He also might not listen to me, but I think if I try hard enough... he'll listen.

But honestly... being around her for too long is going to be horrible, plus Bunny will have to be moved outside for however long she stays. She isn't a bad person, she's not a criminal or dangerous or mean or anything, she's just a troubled person.

Her health is extremely poor now, the anorexia has caused some horrible heart failure and we avoid her at all costs normally... I don't see her for years on end so this might be one of the last times I get to see her. I don't want to turn her away, while at the same time I REALLY DO.

Nigredo is fine, he loves all people... but Jade won't even remotely welcome this stranger and it's too dangerous to try anything other than removing her. My parents do not care about that, but I do... it's not fair to her or me.

My aunt will not stay for longer than a month or so... my father will throw her out before long, but even that is far too long. I'm really not sure what to do....

Not sure what to suggest Myra. Sounds a very difficult situation and not one I would want to be in.
I can only say I hope it turns out not to be as bad as you are expecting.

Thanks anyway, Lynn. Best case scenario... she's not lying and only comes over for the day and then goes home. Worst case, she tries to stay here as long as my father will let her. I hope it works out okay, but I have a bad feeling...

Fingers crossed it is just a flying visit because I just don't know what else to suggest.
What a horrible situation to be put in.

I really don't know what to tell you, its a awful situation. Hope its the best case scenario and she's only coming for a flying visit ((hugs))

Thanks to you, too Nippy and Mandy. I don't know what to do, either. I don't want to turn her away... she is a family member, is ill, and has been through a lot. But at the same time, it's not fair to our family to have to put up with her.

I truly hope she doesn't try and stay here, I know my father won't tell her no... because we're already anticipating that is what she's trying to do. That is what she almost always does, even with my uncle and other family members.

The absolute WORST thing that could ever happen is that my uncle confirms that he is throwing her out for good. My parents will then most likely let her stay for longer because again... she is actually homeless more or less, but family members all feel her pain and let her stay with them in rotation.

She won't steal from you or bring shady people to your house or anything, she's not on illegal drugs, she barely eats anything, and she has government money for disability which pays for her general costs and medications.

There are no real COSTS of letting her stay... she's just a real pain to be around and for me it's bad because for as long as she is here, Jadey girl must stay outside, no exceptions. I don't want her to go back to that, she won't like it...

Like the others, I honestly do not know what to say Myra. (((hugs)))

God it must be such an in convenience!!??

Seriously you wouldnt turn away a stray dog would you?

Suck it up butter cup, I'd camp out with Jadey

Camp out? In a dog pen? For what might be weeks? When I have to assist my father and care for my other pets and household responsibilities? No can do, and that is the bottom line.

If she was merely an inconvenience, I'd have not felt the need to write this thread, but thank you for the comment anyway.

I'll not comment on the stray dog thing, best to not do that at all.

do you know of anyone who could lend you a small caravan or camper van for a little time? if they didn't mind your Jade being in it, let your aunty have your room and you can come and go as you please... basically if she does your head in you have a little place to go and chill for a bit.
i feel for you as when we were little my dads family used to turn up here, one brother was only supposed to stay for a few weeks and that ended up as years, luckily my brother and i were only small so could share a room but luckily my mum had a rule that we were never to be put out of our beds... she spent most of her life being tipped out of her bed for one or another of her mums family needing to stay, we did used to get up and quite often find a relative asleep on the sofa, usually my uncle whose wife had chucked him out in the middle of the night.
hopefully she will only be there the day or at least lets hope a few days maximum