Boyfriend loves gaming too much

I think my relationship is going down the tubes because of my boyfriend's stupid computer games

I know boys will have their toys and I'd be fine if he gamed a moderate amount but he games so much, it's interfering with our relationship. He'll get home from work at about half 6 and game until he goes to bed (Usually 1AM). Then at the weekends, when he's at mine, he'll bring his laptop and game then too I wouldn't mind if he spent time with me in between but even if I try to talk to him, he games then too and I can tell he's only half listening to me.

When I go to his place, he spends the whole time I'm there gaming with his brother. I feel totally neglected, even though he's really sweet in other ways. He tells me to tell him if I'm bored but he knows I get bored because I've told him before so surely he should just moderate his gaming somewhat? Even when I try and get his attention all I hear is 'yeah, just let me finish this..'

I could understand if I was a really high maintenance girlfriend & it was his only escape from me but I'm not! I'm not jealous or clingy, we do loads of stuff separately and I'm perfectly happy for him to game the amount a normal adult would but it's just a nightmare. He has no other interests, his life basically consists of gaming and going to work. He gets Thursday's off when he's supposed to do the courses his boss has paid for him to do but instead, he games all day.

I have tried to get him to do other things - I ask him if he wants to go for a walk, I ask him if he wants to go have coffee in town or go wander around the shops but he doesn't want to. I took him out for a meal the other week and paid for it myself, just to get him to go out of the house. I even suggested he signed up to do some sort of sport (He used to play Rugby) but he made an excuse for why he couldn't.

I really love him, truly I do and when we're together and he's paying attention we are a really great couple. I want us to work out but this is really putting us on the rocks and I don't think he has even noticed

I'm meant to go to uni next year and he wants us to live together because I'll be close to his work but right now, I just want to live on my own. I was so keen to move in together but since he has found this new computer game to play, he has been paying us so little attention that I don't think I want to live with him any more.

How can I communicate to him that I need things to change otherwise things are going to go south rapidly? I don't want it to sound like an ultimatum, I just want him to understand how serious this is for me.

I experienced this with my late partner and World of Warcraft. I decided to ask him to show me how to play it and it became something that we used to do together. I've met some good friends though that game. One of them helped me stay sane after what happened to Stuart, and we now live together.

What is your boyfriend playing? Is it something that might interest you if you tried it?

I'd sit him down and tell him exactly what you've written here. Hopefully, it will make him realise just how upset you are about the whole situation. If it doesn't, then you have a decision to make

Oh you need to tell him all about This and how much it is upsetting, you because in all honesty, because you've been putting up with he, he probably thinks you don't mind (that much!).

I had the same with Dave and me being on this puter most of the time, especially during the evenings when I hadn't seen him all day, he'd be in front of the telly and I'd be on here, but because he didn't SAY anything, well, I just carried on, until he started making a few snide comments and it made me realise

If you tell him how much it's affecting you and it's now making you want to be on your own in the future I'm sure he'll see sense. He doesn't have to stop altogether, make that bit clear, but he's gotta restrict it when he's with YOU!

All the best, I hope you can work this out between you like we did.

Me and my OH both play WoW, but he has played exessively before.
I sat him down and told him it was the game or me! Simple!
Now we have a rule on how many hours a day he can play for.
We play together 3 nights a week, and they are the only 'nights' he can play, but he is allowed to play whilst I am at work, but when I get home, it goes off!

Definitely some rules and boundaries need to be set. Agree on an amount of gaming time, and make him stick to it. If he doesn't then, really, you have your answer......

Know that feeling. I've just had this conversation with my hubby. He's out at work like 12 hours a day, comes home, talks to me while he gets changed then gets on Minecraft and ignores me all night. Saturdays we go shopping then he gets on there and that's it for the rest of the day up until around 2am. Sunday he's on all day. And he's on voice chat too which means he sits there talking to other people and can't even hear me unless I shout.

He's always been a big gamer but he never used to ignore me like this and quite frankly I've had enough of it. I've even tried playing Minecraft with him but he ended up running off with other people so I quit.

Is he having problems in work or unhappy? I only ask because when my H was seriously unhappy at work he became totally obsessed with gaming - it was an escape from real life for him.

Clearly the situation is upsetting you, so you do need to talk to him and agree some sort of balance.

I do know of people who have become addicted to gaming and they've had to seek some form of counselling for it as it completely took over their lives. If your partner is gaming when he should be studying (didn't you say work was paying him to study?) then it is interfering with his job, too.

Thanks for replying

That's great that you found your partner through WOW and that the game helped you after your husband passed. My boyfriend is playing the new Star Wars MMO so it's kind of similar to WOW I suppose!

We have played a little together before and there are other games that we have played together in the past, it's certainly not something I'm adverse to and can actually enjoy I've even actually bought him games in the past, or bought myself games so we can play together a bit. The issue is that even when he plays with me, he plays for such a ridiculously long length of time that after a while I just get bored. It's like he can't play in moderation, it's all evening or nothing.

I really don't want to make that decision I think he will be quite open to changing because he's changed a bit in the past. The problem is that I say 'You are playing X game too much, can you cut down a bit?' so he cuts down but then another game comes out and he starts playing that too much instead

Thanks for the reply! It's been helpful to see it from someone who is in the position of my OH I do find it hard to tell him how much it bothers me. I have told him in the past but I don't want to seem like a nagging girlfriend so often I keep schtum

I was so frustrated in the middle of the night that I sent him a text just saying how I felt he was gaming excessively and that it was causing him to neglect important things. He hasn't replied yet though..

Aw that's so sweet that you play together!

I think having boundaries about when he can play is good but I'm worried my OH will see that as me being overbearing. I do not mind him gaming with his brother or his dad in the evenings, I don't even mind if he games a little while I'm there but it's the fact that he plays excessively, like you said.


I think that is the only way to go I love him very much & feel we have a future together but I feel like we're stagnating because all he ever wants to do is game, go on the internet or talk about those two things. I'm young now but I don't want to get to the point where I'm 25 and wanting to settle down and realise the person I'm with does nothing but game..

Agh, that's terrible! Sounds like your hubby and my boyfriend would get on quite well.. Thankfully my OH doesn't bother with voice chat but he does get into 'gamer mode' where you can say something to him or be talking to him and you can tell he is just not hearing any of it. Then after about 5 minutes you get a response and it's just something like 'yeap' or 'what'd you say?'


Thank you again everyone, for your replies

I have thought long and hard about it overnight. I sent him a text telling him that I felt he was gaming excessively but thinking about things a bit more, I think maybe my issue with our relationship is that everything we talk about and do revolves around his computer. We only ever talk about 'awesome' things he said on [a social network], what one of his friends on [a social network] said, what new games are coming out, The point of X game. I wouldn't mind if we went out at times but we stay in every weekend, even when I offer to take him to places he wants to go.

You might be right! He is pretty dissatisfied with things right now. I think he is finding it difficult to adjust to life as an adult and no longer being a student.

His work situation is that he works for a web design company 4 days a week. He gets paid much less than minimum wage for his work because he is currently learning how to do the job (He has no formal training) and is too slow to be profitable to his boss if he is paid a full wage. His boss is paying for some online courses for him though, so that he can get the skills he needs to work faster and then he will be paid a proper salary. He has Thursdays off so he can do the online course but as far as I know, he hasn't started it yet (His boss paid for it at the start of January). When my boyfriend is at work, he spends most of his time on [a social network] or surfing the internet so he is working even slower.

I definitely think you have a point that this is because he's unhappy. I think he might be clinically depressed but I don't know how he'd react to that if I brought it up.