The Rules

1. The Female always makes THE RULES.
2. THE RULES are subject to change without notice.
3. No Male can possible know all THE RULES.
4. If the Female suspects the Male knows all THE RULES, she must immediately change some of THE RULES
5. The Female is never wrong.
6. If it appears the Female is wrong, it is because of a flagrant misunderstanding caused by something the Male did or said wrong.
7. If Rule 6 applies, the Male must apologize immediately for causing the misunderstanding.
8. The Female can change her mind at any time.
9. The Male must never change his mind without the express, written consent of The Female.
10. The Female has every right to be angry or upset at any time.
11. The Male must remain calm at all times, unless the Female wants him to be angry or upset.
12. The Female must, under no circumstances, let the Male know whether she wants him to be angry or upset.
13. The Male is expected to read the mind of the Female at all times.
14. At all times, what is important is what the Female meant, not what she said.
15. If the Male doesn't abide by THE RULES, it is because he can't take the heat, lacks backbone, and is a wimp.
16. If the Female has PMS, all THE RULES are null and void and the Male must cater to her every whim.
17. Any attempt to document THE RULES could result in bodily harm.
18. If the Male, at any time, believes he is right, he must refer to Rule #5.
19. Every house belongs to the oldest female living there.

:smt043 :smt042

lol sounds like a marrige contract!

Have posted this in training, but I think given the above Barbara, it's worth mentioning here.

Why is it that women always buy clothes then stash them at the back of the wardrobe, only to reveal them later, saying "I've had it ages!" :smt043

It's one of the mysteries of the universe to us fellas, cos you all do it!

It must be in your Levis :smt048 :smt048 :smt048 :smt047

For thousands of years, men have tried to understand the rules when dealing with women. Finally, this merit/demerit guide will help you to understand just how it works. Remember, in the world of romance, one single rule applies: Make the woman happy.
* Do something she likes, and you get points.
* Do something she dislikes and points are subtracted.
* You don't get any points for doing something she expects.
Sorry, that's the way the game is played.
Here is a guide to the points system:

SIMPLE DUTIES
You make the bed .............................................+1
You make the bed, but forget to add the decorative pillows.... 0
You throw the bedspread over rumpled sheets...................-1
You leave the toilet seat up..................................-5
You replace the toilet paper roll when it is empty............ 0
When the toilet paper roll is barren, you resort to Kleenex...-1
When the Kleenex runs out you use the next bathroom...........-2
You go out to buy her extra-light panty liners with wings.....+5
in the snow.............................................. .....+8
but return with beer..........................................-5
and no liners............................................ ....-25
You check out a suspicious noise at night..................... 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is nothing............ 0
You check out a suspicious noise and it is something..........+5
You pummel it with a six iron................................+10
It's her cat............................................... ..-40

AT THE PARTY
You stay by her side the entire party............+1
You stay by her side for a while, then leave to chat with
College drinking buddy......-2
Named Tiffany.........................-4
Tiffany is a dancer..............................-10
With breast implants.............................-18

HER BIRTHDAY
You remember her birthday................................0
You buy a card and flowers...............................0
You take her out to dinner.............................. 0
You take her out to dinner and it's not a sports bar....+1
Okay, it is a sports bar.............................-2
And it's all-you-can-eat night..........................-3
It's a sports bar, it's all-you-can-eat night, and your face is
painted the colors of your favorite team........-10

A NIGHT OUT WITH THE BOYS
Go with a pal.......................................0
The pal is happily married.........................+1
The pal is single..........................-7
He drives a Ferrari........................-10
With a personalized license plate (GR8 NBED)........-15

A NIGHT OUT WITH HER
You take her to a movie...............+2
You take her to a movie she likes.....+4
You take her to a movie you hate......+6
You take her to a movie you like......-2
It's called Death Cop 3...............-3
Which features Cyborgs that eat humans....-9
You lied and said it was a foreign film about orphans.....-15

YOUR PHYSIQUE
You develop a noticeable pot belly.........................-15
You develop a noticeable pot belly & exercise to get rid of
it...+10
You develop a noticeable pot belly and resort to loose jeans and
baggy Hawaiian shirts.......................-30
You say, "It doesn't matter, you have one too."............-800

THE BIG QUESTION
She asks, "Does this dress make me look fat?"
You hesitate in responding....................-10
You reply, "Where?"................-35
You reply, "no, I think it's your ass".........-100
Any other response.......................-20

COMMUNICATION
When she wants to talk about a problem:
You listen, displaying a concerned statement...................0
You listen, for over 30 minutes........................+5
You relate to her problem and share a similar experience.....+50
You're mind wanders to sports and you suddenly hear her saying
"well, what do you think I should do".................-50
You listen for more than 30 minutes without looking at the TV...+100
She realizes this is because you have fallen asleep.........-200

lol - thas cool!!
no wonder why guys these days do a runner at the first hint of marriage tho!

:smt042 :smt042 :smt042

Oh no!

My head is buzzing!!! :smt021

I fail to understand how any sane person could be expected to comprehend such a complicated set of rules Chloe. :smt009

Further: We also have to contend with that particular time of month when we blokes dive for the nearest cover....

It's no wonder we blokes die young.... :smt102 :smt047

Chloe that is great!! :smt035

Daft, I'm not sure because I don't do that unless I've bought something and I don't want my husband to know how much I've spent BUT, I think other women do that to appear as if they effortless look good and they aren't pretentious. Just a guess... :smt115

Hello DB

Thats the point - you're not supposed to understand them - if you understood them, you would be a woman

It all seems perfectly clear to me