Yipe!

I have a day off today...awaiting delivery of a matress. So...a lie-in happened.

Except...Willow went out on the balcony, and spent 20 minutes in the apparently -4 freezing fog.
And then decided to warm her frost-bedecked snottle by ramming it between the cheeks of my bum.

Some of you may have seen car adverts. 0-60 in 3.3 seconds. 2.8 seconds. 1.0 seconds. Trust me, this is mere ambulatory sloth, compared to asleep to awake in 0.001 seconds.

And not just awake. Not "Bleugh, what time is it/where am I/where are my socks/I need a weewee" awake. No, dear reader. This transcends any early morning wake up call. This makes the *Diddly Beep* of my alarm clock, up to now my most hated of sounds, almost a warm and loving partner. To achieve this level of awake would require a sudden immersion in liquid helium, whilst simultaneously having your blood instantly replaced with a 50/50 mix of hot Nescafe and ipecac. My mind briefly observed eternity. My brain understood the most fundamental questions on the planet. These questions I now put to you.

1) WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT??

2) Where is my scrotum?

3) Why do I have 3 adams apples?

4) Why can I only say *Squeak*?

5) Why do I seem to have forgotten how to breath out?

6) Why am I on the ceiling?

LMAO! I'm sorry you nice lie in was so rudely and suddenly interupted but you really made me laugh a LOT there Gaz its the way you write your description of events, very funny indeed Thank you for cheering up my very dull and depressing morning

Squeak?

Lol,That was funny Gaz !

lol I hope everything has returned to its proper place - I mean you back in bed

Gaz you make me laugh. Hope all has settled down!!!

:smt044 :smt044 that was hilarious, its the way you put it, i can just imagine it happening lol. Shame about your lie in though

LMAO. The mental image Gaz is incredibly funny :smt044 :smt044 :smt044

OMG, I have tears running down my face in the middle of the office and have just let out the biggest belly laugh ever. Have had to read this to the lads in the office and it took me 3 goes to read it without laughing.:smt044 :smt044 :smt044

:smt044 :smt044 :smt044 OMG that is so, so funny, you tell it brilliatly , makes my 5.30am wake up to play tug, pale into comparison