My workmate kevin

Today Kevin went just that little bit further, and confused not only himself and me, but an entirely random menber of the public.
I was working with Kevin, and we had teamed up with another, um, team, to clear *a little bit of hedge*, which ended up with me moving 2 1/4 tonnes of privet hedge in the luton van. It was cold, it was raining, it was sharp and prickly and spiky and painful and...unpleasant.
Having loaded our van, whilst t'other team loaded their pickup, we both set off for the tip. The other team went a different way to the route I chose.
As we approached the tip, about 20 minutes later, Kevin spotted the other van at a T junction, and to pre-empt the barage of offensive hand-gestures that normally occur when we meet, he leant over me, put his hand out of the window, and gave the hand-signal universally accepted to mean *You are a, um...self-service elevator* or *Have you considered a career as a Merchant Banker?*
What he had failed to notice, until it was far too late, was the Transit van he was waving at was a Crew-Cab van. Our team-mates vehicle is not...
I am not entirely sure who's expression was more impressive. Kevin's look of pain and embarassment, or the (very large, rough, big) driver's expression of confusion, morphing into anger....

Oh superb - you have made my evening

LOL thats so funny i would of loved to see his face

Brilliant story as always Gaz:smt043 :smt043 :smt043

You are hilarious Gaz!

Ah, it's not me, I just report them. It's other people that make the funny

LOL Gaz - very good

Did you suggest an optician appointment to Kevin by any chance?

btw, totally off topic, I got my first Terry Pratchett discworld book a few days ago and am really struggling with it I'm finding the character names a bit too contrived to start with...I really like Robin Hobbs books particularly the story of Fitz & thought I would really get Terry but alas.

oops-bet your transit was glowing hot trying to get away... :smt081

This could be a good thread for funny work stories!

When i was a high rise roofer and working in Kensington-we had a new bloke join our team.He asked me where the toilet was and i directed him to the portaloo on otherside of roof.He proceeded to open the door,but heard a faint voice saying "oi".
He took no notice and again went to go inside,but again heard "oi-your not gonna use that are you?"
He looked up at saw the tower crane driver leaning out of his cab and saw the cables attached to the portaloo-it was about to be lifted (300ft) down to the road for emptying! Would have been a quick cure for constipation had he made it inside and opened the door on its way down. :smt047

On this same site in Kensington,there were 3 tower cranes and its common practice for the operators to pee inside bottles to save a 15 minute journey down the ladder to ground.One day,the crane bloke emptied his bottle out of his cab and the wind blew it all over a workmate (who is built like a silverback gorrilla).He was not best pleased and this resulted in him hitting the crane operator!

On another site i noticed a bloke going inside a portaloo (on ground this time) and them saw a dumper truck hit it squarely-knocking it over.When a load of blokes righted it-the bloke emerged covered in the blue chemical and poo/pee. :smt078

Another new bloke we had managed to tip a 25litre drum of roofing adhesive over and in his blind panic-used fibreglass insulation to mop it up before it spilled over edge of building.Unfortunately,this glue (which is blue) does not come off skin easily and went straight through the fibreglass insulation-leaving him with hairy palms... :smt103

This same person also decided to carry one of these drum over his shoulder and the lid popped off-tipping the contents down his back,ass and legs! :smt101

:smt078 Thanks Steve I was eating some banoffee pie!

On the building site I worked on (no, not a brickie, I ran a canteen! ) one of the new plumbers went in on a Saturday morning to do some overtime and there was nobody much around being a Saturday. He was welding some pipework in the loft of a brand new 4bed house, he finished it and left and went home. When I went in on the monday I noticed the house had been burnt to the ground! I think he did a runner, as he was only an apprentice at the time not a real plumber!

Which did you get?
I am trying to help Kevin (who left school unable to read or write) to learn to read, using some of Terry's Discworld books for children. When Terry writes children's books he is unconventional, in that he doesn't write childishly, or write down to a level. As he put it (paraphrasing) "Children know when you are being condescending", so he just writes discworld books with fewer long words..
This makes the books fun for kids and adults. However, he still uses strange names. Poor Kevin was struggling with *Perspicacia Tick* on the first page.
May I suggest perhaps borrowing a different one from the library, or, indeed, allowing me to chose and send you one of mine? One of Terry's quirks is that to start with you have to work at them, to get to understand the local characters and situations, but quite quickly you find you put on his books like comfortable slippers. For example, I got his latest, *Thud*, yesterday, and decided I'd have an early night and read a chapter, so went to bed at 8pm with a milky drink and the book. Within minutes it was like I was back in a favourite holiday resort, among old friends, and before I knew it "Nevertheless it was close enough for now. *End* Page362" happened and it was 12:45 am, and my drink was untouched.....