This Will Get Your Brain Working

minky

Dogsey Veteran

Location: Edinburgh

Joined: Nov 2005

Posts: 7,168

07-04-2006, 11:15 AM

This Will Get Your Brain Working

English Language

Think of your English teachers, sit back and enjoy.

Be sure to read all the way to the end. It will take a little time, but

your understanding of the English Language might improve.

Can you read these right the first time?

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce.

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to

present the present.

A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

1

Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language.

There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor

pine in pineapple.

English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France.

Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat.

We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find

that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig

is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't

groce and hammers don't ham?

If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth?

One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? I don't think so!

One index, 2 indices? I don't think so again.

Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend?

If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them,

what do you call it?

If the teachers taught, why didn't the preachers praught?

If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat?

Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an

asylum for the verbally insane.

In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship

by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and

a wise guy are opposites?

You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your

house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling

it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the

creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all.

That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the

lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't "Buick" rhyme with "quick"?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this . . .

There is a two-letter word that perhaps

has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is "UP."

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the

list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP? At a meeting,

why does a topic come UP? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP

for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP

the silver, we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP

the house and some guys fix UP the old car. At other times the little

word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for

tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one

thing but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is

stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the

proper uses of UP, look UP the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized

dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about

thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list

of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if

you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it

threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we

say it is clearing UP.

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for a while, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so

. . . Time to shut UP . . .!

Oh ... one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do

at night? U-P!