Friday Funnies....

liked these and thought you might also.

Why We Love Children

1. A kindergarten pupil told his teacher he'd
found a cat, but it was dead. "How do you know
that the cat was dead?" she asked her pupil.
"Because I pissed in its ear and it didn't move,"
answered the child innocently. You did WHAT ? !
?" the teacher exclaimed in surprise. "You
know,"explained the boy, "I leaned over and went
'Pssst!' and it didn't move."

2. A small boy is sent to bed by his father. Five
minutes
later....."Da-ad...." "What?" "I'm thirsty. Can you
bring
drink of water?" "No, You had your chance. Lights
out."
Five minutes later: "Da-aaaad....." "WHAT?" "I'm
THIRSTY. Can I have a drink of water??"

I told you NO! If you ask again, I'll have to
spank you!!" Five minutes
later......"Daaaa-aaaad....." "WHAT!" "When you
come in to spank me, can you bring a drink of
water?"

3. An exasperated mother, whose son was always
getting into mischief, finally asked him "How do
you expect to get into Heaven?"

The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll run
in and out and in and out and keep slamming the
door until St. Peter says, 'For Heaven's sake,
Dylan, come in or stay out!'"

4. One summer evening during a violent
thunderstorm a mother was tucking her son into
bed. She was about to turn off the light when he
asked with a tremor in his voice, "Mommy, will
you sleep with me tonight?" The mother smiled
and gave him a reassuring hug.

"I can't dear," she said. "I have to sleep in
Daddy's room." A long silence was broken at last
by his shaky little voice: "The big sissy."

5. It was that time, during the Sunday morning
service, for the children's sermon. All the
children were invited to come forward.

One little girl was wearing a particularly pretty
dress and, as she sat down, the pastor leaned
over and said, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it
your Easter Dress?" The little girl replied,
directly into the pastor's clip-on microphone,
"Yes, and my Mom says it's a bitch to iron."

6. When I was six months pregnant with my third
child, my three year old came into the room when
I was just getting ready to get into the shower.
She said, "Mommy, you are getting fat!"

I replied, "Yes, honey, remember Mommy has a
baby growing in her tummy." "I know," she
replied, but what's growing in your butt?"

7. A little boy was doing his math homework. He
said to himself, "Two plus five, that son of a
bitch is seven. Three plus six, that son of a
bitch is nine...."

His mother heard what he was saying and gasped,
"What are you doing?" The little boy answered,
"I'm doing my math homework, Mom." "And this
is how your teacher taught you to do it?" the
mother asked. "Yes," he answered. Infuriated,
the mother asked the teacher the next day,
"What are you teaching my son in math?" The
teacher replied, "Right now, we are learning
addition." The mother asked, "And are you
teaching them to say two plus two, that son of a
bitch is four?" After the teacher stopped
laughing, she answered, "What I taught them
was, two plus two, THE SUM OF WHICH, is
four."

8. One day the first grade teacher was reading
the story of Chicken Little to her class. She
came to the part of the story where Chicken
Little tried to warn the farmer. She read, "....
and so Chicken Little went up to the farmer and
said, "The sky is falling, the sky is falling!"

The teacher paused then asked the class, "And
what do you think that farmer said?" One little
girl raised her hand and said, "I think he said:
'Holy Shit! A talking chicken!'" The teacher was
unable to teach for the next 10 minutes.

9. A certain little girl, when asked her name,
would reply, "I'm Mr. Sugarbrown's daughter."
Her mother told her this was wrong, she must
say, "I'm Jane Sugarbrown." The Vicar spoke to
her in Sunday School, and said, "Aren't you Mr.
Sugarbrown's daughter?" She replied, "I thought
I was, but mother says I'm not."

10. A little girl asked her mother, "Can I go
outside and play with the boys?" Her mother
replied, "No, you can't play with the boys,
they're too rough."

The little girl thought about it for a few
moments and asked, "If I can find a smooth one,
can I play with him?"

11. A little girl goes to the barber shop with her
father.
She stands next to the barber chair, while her dad
gets his
hair cut, eating a snack cake.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you're
gonna get hair on your Twinkie." She says, "Yes,
I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too."


Now keep that smile on your Face all day and Have a Great Weekend Everyone .. -- Ashley...

Awww, from the mouths of babe's