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Trouble
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Location: Romford, uk
Joined: Feb 2006
Posts: 14,148
Female  Diamond Supporter 
 
18-01-2018, 12:57 PM
Sorry you're finding it so hard but the problem isn't the dog, it's your state of mind and you are still making comparisons to your previous dog. We've all already said you just have to give it time. Get over making comparisons and move forward with your new companion. I have 5 Pugs and yes they all have similarities but they are all unique in their own right, and equally lovable in their own way. You're suffering from grief, it's no less because your loss is a dog and not a human, it's still grief and we all adjust to new circumstances in our own time. I find, and I can only speak for myself, but I find having another dog makes me stick to routines, getting up, eating etc. and you may feel she isn't helping but she is and you'll be so pleased you stuck with her, just give both of you time to adjust.
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Suburban Gal
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Location: SE WI (United States)
Joined: Feb 2018
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04-02-2018, 06:31 PM
Originally Posted by Molly’sMom View Post
My new dog is a rescue from out of state. She was initially very scared of everything. I thought once she got more comfortable things would be better for us both. But she has gotten situated and I still feel lost. As soon as I got her I immediately felt it was a mistake but I wanted to give it time. I have talked to her foster mom with the rescue who seems at least somewhat understanding. I can choose to return her but it would mean having to fly her back. She was terrified after her trip to me and now I’m going to put her through that again? I don’t know what to do. She is settling in just fine. It’s me that’s the problem. Please help me figure out what to do
This is why most rescues don't like to adopt to people who live outside of a certain state or region. It's hard to get the dog back in the event the placement doesn't work out. Not to mention, the money that's going to be involved just to get the dog back from the adopter.

You either got another dog too soon or this clearly isn't the right match for you.

Speak to the rescue again and see if you can just keep the dog until they can find another suitable adopter. If no one with that rescue lives in your immediate area, then they can find someone else with another rescue (rescues usally routinely work with one another) to do a home check once they find another suitable adopter and can successfully re-home her. It may even mean having to drive her to her new home to drop her off, but at least you wouldn't have to subjugate her to flying back from wherever she came from.
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Gnasher
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Location: East Midlands, UK
Joined: Mar 2006
Posts: 8,560
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04-02-2018, 10:07 PM
I personally still think the OP should keep the little girl. She is not a parcel, to be passed around like a piece of garbage. After all, we are not talking about a great dane here - we are talking about a tiny little dog smaller than the average cat who deserves a lot better than to just be passed on just because the 0P still misses Molly Mark 1 and feels she cannot bond with Molly Mark 2. As Mick says, you can't always get what you want ... I'm going to be a bit harsh and say get over yourself and get on with it - in memory and in honour of Molly Mark 1 ... as pay back for all she gave you.
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Suburban Gal
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Location: SE WI (United States)
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05-02-2018, 01:24 AM
I understand where everyone else is coming from. Really, I do. But if the OP isn't going to ever really bond to dog, then perhaps she should follow through on her plans to return it. It's not fair to the poor dog if she adopted too soon or the dog isn't the right fit for her.
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Trouble
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Location: Romford, uk
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05-02-2018, 07:14 AM
How does she know she'll never bond with the dog, she obviously thought she would or she would never have taken her on. She can do as she pleases but I still think if she returns this dog she has no business ever taking on another in the future. It's not try before you buy. I agree with Gnasher stop thinking about the differences and just get on with it. Start appreciating the new dog for who she is not who she isn't. No dog is a carbon copy of a previous dog, it doesn't mean you can't come to love them just as much.
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Gnasher
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Location: East Midlands, UK
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05-02-2018, 08:44 AM
I can only quote again from my own experience with my boy Tai. He was a gorgeous boy, beautiful in every way but I never felt the connection with him that I felt with Hal. You can ever only have that once, with one dog, so my advice is still to stop chasing rainbows, stop being so selfish and put the little girl first. You will NEVER have a bond like that again, but you will have a different bond ... as I did with Tai.
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