o/h update

some of you might remember that martin walked out again nearly 2 months ago. since then i havent really said much. we did start to speak a few weeks ago and i had great hopes of things being sorted out and him coming home for good then he walked away again.

i havent seen or spoken to him for 2.5 weeks now. it is no use texting or phoning him because he will ignore the text or clear the call. i have sent him one card apologising for something i did but apart from that i havent contacted him.

as you can imagine m heart is breaking. emotions all over the place and there are times when i could run away and hide from everyone and and everybody. it is hard for me to let dan go to college even as i am spending hours and hours alone. everyone in my family is worrying about me as i feel i am about to fall of the edge of life and disapear for good.

i do hear about him as his youngest daughter and my eldest son are good friends. she is actually really angry about the way he is treating me. feels that he should come and explain what is going on for him at the moment. i am aware that he has mental health issues but that does not make my life any easier to cope with on a daily basis. also i seem to sleep very little at the moment - often waking up after only a couple of hours sleep.

this is partly why i havent been posting much. i often drop in and read what is going on but that is as much as i can cope with. have been to see my gp but even the medication that i am taking doesnt always seem to make any difference as my life consists of crying and harming my self as i cant seem to cope with the emotional pain.

sorry for rabbitting on

sue

I'm so sorry, Sue.

I also thought M would sort himself out and would be home pretty quickly.

I really don't know what to recommend - you are the one that knows best what course of action to take - but I just wanted to say that I'm here for you. If there's anything I can do, please don't hesitate to PM me.

Huge hugs, honey - you're really not alone, you know x0x0x

Sorry you are feeling so down again Sue.
Depression is a terrible thing and I know sometimes I feel like walking out and leaving everyone and everything behind I don't as it is not their fault or mine and you have to work through it.
I cannot advise you what to do about Martin and I do not know how severe his problems are but I think once again you are taking the brunt of everything and that is wearing and not fair.
I am here for you also if you need to pm me for a chat.
You know whatever you do we will have great respect for you. Please take care of yourself.
Xx

So sorry to here this Sue. I too know how it feels to want to just get away from everything, just to go anywhere else than where you are at now. Its not much consilation but the bad times will pass, though I bet it doesn't feel like that for you right now. My advice would be to go back to the docs, it took me 8 or 9 months (because I wouldn't go back to tell the dioc) and 5 changes of medication until I got one that helped. Depresssion is a hard thing to deal with but Doctors are good these days and if the doc you have isn't see another one. If you can get the right medication at the right dose it will help you immenseley it will give yo a platform to work from rather than just now where you are all over the place. But please see the doc and be honest about how you feel so they can give you the right dose.

I am so sorry that things didn't work and Martin walked again but now you know it can't work as you don't deserve to go through this pain every time he decides to go. I don't know what else to say except we are all here for you and pm me too if you want.

Take care and keep posting x

Hey, so sorry to hear this is all going on for you. Have been where you are for most of this year and am just coming out the other side now. I dont have any advice really but if you would like to talk please do pm me x x x

P.S if you need a break you are very welcome to come and stay in my spare room for a couple of weeks. It might do you a lot of good to have a complete break. I did a similar thing - went to a dog show up north and didnt come back for a couple of weeks and it did me a lot of good. x

Oh hun, I am so sorry you are still going through this, have been thinking of you often.
I know what I want to say but I don't know if it is what you want to hear and I don't want it to add to all the pressure you are feeling. So if you ever feel like just talking then PM me any time.
Take care hun and please go back to your GP to get your meds sorted.
Sending lots of love and (((hugs)))

So sorry to read that things haven't worked out the way you would have wanted Sue. I don't know anything about depression, I'm one of the lucky ones, but I do know that shutting yourself indoors and not wanting to go anywhere or do anything can't be good for your mental state, it can only make things worse, you'll sink lower and lower into a depressed mode. I think the best thing you can do, is to try and stop thinking about M and going over and over everything you might have done in the past, or he might have done, and try and look ahead to a new, brighter life. There must be some kind of club you could join, or do a bit of voluntary work at a local charity shop, or rescue centre, anything to get you out and about with other people and start perking yourself up a bit. I know it's hard, but it will only get harder Sue if you keep on hating yourself over it, coz more than likely it isn't YOUR fault that he's gone, he has mental issues that might need a lot of time to sort out, and all the time you might be contacting him, it's just pushing him further and further away. Sometimes that happens, when you're desperate to have something, it just gets further out of reach. I can't think of anything to help bring you out of your current state, you must feel soooo miserable and fed up, but only YOU can do something to change all that. I'm always here for a chat too you know that, and I wish I could give you a great big hug to let you know that you ARE special, special to all of us anyway, if not to him at the MOMENT, but that could change months down the line, but then you might not want it then! All the very best, try and do something to get yourself out of this big hole.xxxxx Take care xxxxx

big (((hugs)))

i think kristinas right - time out needed....

when my parents split up my mum when on holiday - best thing she did - really chilled her out and she had time to think away from everything

i know the issues are going to be there when you get home but at elast break will help

xx

Big (((hugs))) xxx